Small children at funerals

[LillianGish]

I went to a funeral today of a dear friend's husband. It should have been a very moving occasion with heartfelt tributes from the pulpit - unfortunately much of what was being said was drowned out by inappropriate squawking from a small child in a pushchair. The mother concerned was not one of the principal mourners and I can't for the life of me understand why she didn't take the child out when it became apparent that he wasn't going to be silenced. I don't doubt her good intentions in that she wanted to pay her respects and presumably didn't have anyone to leave the child with, but how respectful is it to allow your child to shout out at the top of its voice throughout the service? There were other children at the service - mainly friends of the dead man's children - so I don't object to children in principle - just that they shouldn't be allowed to disrupt the proceedings. Am I being unreasonable?

My sister's funeral had children, packed church of shocked people, lots of squawks of babies and comments of small children, lots of muffled sobbing from adults, nose blowing, coughing, and even though her death was sudden and tragic the funeral mass dwelt on her life that had been cut short and everyone who had turned up made to feel thanked for being there to acknowledge that she had lived well and was now going to her reward -- again the churches I attend are generally not places of hush and oppressive decorum.

Catholic funerals in Ireland tend not to be planned to the very last detail either. They are masses with a twist and are not seen as events staged for maximum emotional punch. Anyone can turn up at the church. Anyone can turn up at the wake. Usually people respect the family's wishes about the gathering afterwards in house or pub or wherever, but the rest is open to the public basically.

I agree, the parent should have taken the child outside if they were not able to keep reasonably quiet. Of course it's not the child's fault, they're just doing what small children do, but the parent should show a bit of consideration to others.

No one is saying there has to be complete silence - but if the child was making enough noise that people couldn't hear the words of the service, or the speeches, then they should have been taken out.

I'm Irish and yet I only went to my first funeral at the rather decrepit age of 11- I do not think this has left me with any issues around death or behaving appropriately at weddings, funerals or while eating out

Maybe these people get on like that because they've sort of got acclimatised to their DC's wailing. They know "auch, he'll stop in a minute, just have to wait it out. He's usually louder, ha!", while most of the congregation are sitting biting their lip. Coupled with a complete lack of awareness of other people, you can see how this happens.

I think when people are speaking everyone should shut up!!!

I can understand people feeling that generalisations are being made and not liking this. But the flipside of that is that funeral norms clearly vary according to cultural background, plus other things too. It seems better to me to acknowledge this, rather than to make sweeping statements about what is and isn't acceptable and assume those are true for everyone. LillianGish is probably right that shocking funerals for the young can feel very different to those for the elderly. However, my experience of such a funeral was actually more like mathanxiety's sister than hers. I think when in doubt, ask the family of the deceased what they want and respect that.

math I think we must have had a very similar upbringing and therefore have the same views re: the function of church in the community and what is "acceptable" behaviour in church. I was also brought up in a church where funerals and baptisms were part of a regular church service.

I am very sorry for the loss of your sister x may she rest in peace x

I am also sorry for all the other posters on this thread who have lost a loved one x

I acknowledge I am probably in the minority wrt my views on weddings, funerals, baptisms etc....my PILs think I am slightly mad I really wasnt that interested in all the "garnish" that goes with weddings...the only part that mattered to me was the vows. Everything else is nice...but garnish. My MIL will NEVER get over that I gave my wedding dress away

It would make me really happy to think that - as I am being buried - someone let out a really loud fart and it made everyone laugh.

But, as I said, I am slightly odd