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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 13 year old alone with friend...

68 replies

katiesname · 03/04/2012 08:27

Over night whilst DH and I go to a friend's party?

The party is about a 3 hour drive away so we would have to stay over but no one is free to have the girl's over night. I say "girl's" as we've said we'll have her frined that night. Would obviously check that her parents are happy too.

They are pretty sensible. No worrying behaviour so far, apart from messiness!

We have my best friend locally as well as my youngest DD's childminder about a 5 minute walk away and she will be home that night.

What's the concensus?

OP posts:
Original poster
katiesname · 03/04/2012 08:28

They're year 8... if that makes a difference?

OP posts:
malovitt · 03/04/2012 08:30

I'm very laid back but wouldn't leave two 13 year olds, boys or girls, alone overnight. No way.

MrsPresley · 03/04/2012 08:31

I wouldnt, I think at 13 it's fine to leave for maybe a couple of hours but overnight, no way!

annh · 03/04/2012 08:31

I wouldn't. And if I was the parent of the friend who is staying over, I wouldn't agree to the arrangement either. Could the girls not go to those parents instead?

squeakytoy · 03/04/2012 08:32

No, I wouldnt. I would insist she stay at her friends house, or at your best friends.

Teenagers are a bit gormless at times, even the ones you think are the most sensible.

It only takes another mate to know where they are, and that they have a free house, and before you know it, there is a party in full swing..

Original poster
katiesname · 03/04/2012 08:34

The parents of the friend are going away which is why we've said she can stay at ours. Will wait for a few more responses but seems maybe it's not a goer Grin Damn you sensible mums!

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seeker · 03/04/2012 08:34

Why not? I suppose the party thing is a possibility, bit apart from that, and crucially, if they are happy with the idea, and you're not that far away, I can't see a problem.

mumblechum1 · 03/04/2012 08:34

I'm laid backtoo but even Iwouldn't leave two 13 year olds together. When I was that age, a friend of mine was left overnight and she and another friend decided to make chips; the pan went on fire, friend tried to carry the panto the sink, slipped on hot oil and was very badly burned.

14UnitsMyArse · 03/04/2012 08:34

I wouldn't personally I think it's ok for an hour or two but certainly not over night

IAmYourSingingTelegram · 03/04/2012 08:35

No. Definitely not overnight.And certainly not when you're responsible for another child.

14UnitsMyArse · 03/04/2012 08:35

Seeker the OP has said she will be 3 hours away

upahill · 03/04/2012 08:36

I wouldn't leave all niht.
I would go on a night out but not stay out.

squeakytoy · 03/04/2012 08:39

And most definately not if the other girls parents are away too at the same time!

seeker · 03/04/2012 08:39

Ah. Missed the 3 hours away bit. No, then. Sorry.

This maybe an off the wall idea, but could you take them and they camp in the party people's garden? We did this once with our two - they were 12 and 7 and they had the most fantastic time.

tantrumsandballoons · 03/04/2012 08:40

I leave my 13 and 14 y/0 DCs for a few hours in the holidays while I am at work but I wouldn't do it overnight, especially if you are 3 hours away.
They might be sensible but you never know what could happen, I definitely wouldn't do it if I were ultimately responsible for someone else's child.

marriedinwhite · 03/04/2012 08:41

We have a 13 year old dd. (and a 17 yr old so she definitely isn't a pfb). We would not leave her overnight with or without a friend.

I don't quite understand how, if you have already made a commitment to another family to have their dd and be on loco parentis for her, you are considering the party anyway.

You have two options, either they both go with you as you have a pre-existing commitment to another family or you decline the party invitation.

If I were the other girls mother and you approached me with this idea, I would be dumbfounded.

Original poster
katiesname · 03/04/2012 08:41

You boring lot! Okay, okay. It's a no go.

The people we are staying with have a small garden and it's a BBQ so I don't think the camping idea would work but thanks for the idea seeker!

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HandMadeTail · 03/04/2012 08:41

TBH, if it was just yours on her own, if she's sensible, I would have less difficulty with it. But two people (of any age) can sort of egg each other on to do silly things.

I'm not saying anything would go wrong, but I wouldn't want to risk it.

shesparkles · 03/04/2012 08:45

Nope. No way. Your dd and her pal could be the most sensible and trustworthy kids going but what about the pal speak to about being home alone? And the one that pal tells etc....
If I were the parent of the pal I'd not allow it either. Presumably you agreed to have the teen to stay before you were invited to the 3 hour away party, so you made a commitment to that so can't accept the 'better offer' of the party

Original poster
katiesname · 03/04/2012 08:45

Just to say, we NEVER accept invites out when we have the children with us (we don't have them every other weekend as they are with our ex's). This is DH's oldest friend's 40th birthday party and last year when it was DH's 40th they made a special trip down here.
Literally a day or two ago, DH told DD that her friend could stay that weekend as her parents are going to Spain (the parents haven't been in touch at all) then the invite came n the post for the 40th so it was a major bummer so i guess I was just desperately searching for a soloution.

I think what will ened up happening is that DH will go to the party and I'll have the kids.

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annh · 03/04/2012 08:47

So do you definitely know that your dd's friends needs to stay, if her parents haven't asked? Or is this an arrangement cooked up between the girls? If her parents are in Spain, does she just need to stay for one night - or a week?

squeakytoy · 03/04/2012 08:49

Why cant the kids just be with your exes then for an extra weekend?

LesAnimaux · 03/04/2012 08:50

No. The weird thing about teenagers is that just when you think they are really grown up and sensible they go and do something really stupid.

Which is why they are called teenagers and not adults.

Original poster
katiesname · 03/04/2012 08:52

She called the other day and said can friend stay that night as her parents are away in Spain (I think it?s Spain? some European country) it could be that she is with her all the following week but her stay starts with the Saturday when she is at our house and the rest of the week they will be at her Mum?s. There may be an arrangement between the other two Mum?s but no ? the parents haven?t contacted us. It wasn?t questioned when she first asked and DH just said ?yes? because we didn?t have any plans at that point so no big deal. The girls flit between each other?s houses without us parents having any conversation quite often.

Personally I find it strange but it?s not for me to question.

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Original poster
katiesname · 03/04/2012 08:53

squeekytoy and meddle with the rota??!! Are you insane? Wink

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