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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave 13 year old alone with friend...

68 replies

katiesname · 03/04/2012 08:27

Over night whilst DH and I go to a friend's party?

The party is about a 3 hour drive away so we would have to stay over but no one is free to have the girl's over night. I say "girl's" as we've said we'll have her frined that night. Would obviously check that her parents are happy too.

They are pretty sensible. No worrying behaviour so far, apart from messiness!

We have my best friend locally as well as my youngest DD's childminder about a 5 minute walk away and she will be home that night.

What's the concensus?

OP posts:

pumpkinsweetie · 03/04/2012 14:09

Under 13s left alone is against the law

midori1999 · 03/04/2012 14:09

I wouldn't leave two 13 year olds alone overnight even if I was quite local. All evening/until the early hours if I was contactable, yes.

Could you all stay in a hotel local to your friends and go out to your friends for the night leaving the girls in the hotel room and then go back there after the party ended? I'm sure they could be trusted to have a girly night in/watch films and eat snacks all evening.

seeker · 03/04/2012 14:12

"Under 13s left alone is against the law"

No it isn't. There is no legal minimum age. However, under, I think, 14, a parent can be charged with neglect if anything untoward should happen.

everlong · 03/04/2012 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IloveJudgeJudy · 03/04/2012 14:16

I wouldn't under any circumstances and I'm a fairly neglectful parent . Maybe I would leave my own 13 yo on their own overnight under very specific circumstances - if they wanted to be left, if someone down the road or a very good friend knew that they were being left alone..

I certainly wouldn't leave two 13 yos together at home alone, especially not if you're 3 hours away.

I'm pretty sure it's not against the law, but I would make sure they knew what to do in an emergency and who to call. Two DC on their own, knowing you're so far away might easily egg each other on to do stupid things, even if they've been sensible up until now.

WorraLiberty · 03/04/2012 14:17

I'm really quit laid back but no way would I leave them alone overnight.

everlong · 03/04/2012 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pumpkinsweetie · 03/04/2012 14:24

Just checked-im wrong cant believe theres no age limit as i think under 13 is not old enough to be left alone but besides the point ops dc is 13-a few hours left alone is fine but all night with no supervision i think is wrong IMO

Original poster

katiesname · 03/04/2012 15:37

Its only guidence from directgov, it's not law. I'm very dubious about waiting until they are 16 until leaving them alone over night - you know they could move out at that age

malovit It's the scary factor as to why I wouldn't leave a 12 year old, or a 13 year old alone on their own over night. It's hardly scary if your friend is there with you, (at least not for these particular girls!) but could be on your own... things going bump in the night and all that.

Good idea about the hotel.. we would probably get a hotel any way so an extra room wouldnt cost too much more. Although - if we're going down the route of "they can't be trusted" then surely a hotel room on their own, in a strange city holds far more alure than their own house and town where lots of people know them and would snitch on them if they went out

OP posts:

malovitt · 03/04/2012 15:37

I assure you it was true Seeker.

Both parents would have lost their jobs if anything had come of it, so it scared them.

Considering that that "clubbing' woman in the news this week was charged with the same thing for leaving 3/4/5 year olds alone all night, it seems unbelievable and a complete overreaction.

I think it also depends on the type of property you have. I live in a city flat with an street door to get through ,plus my own front door, on the second floor so no access through windows. I would be more worried about leaving children alone if I lived somewhere remote with no nearby neighbours. I think 13 is fine for the daytime and evening but not overnight.

Original poster

katiesname · 03/04/2012 15:38

I am definitely in the minority here so not going to argue!

OP posts:

Mrbojangles1 · 03/04/2012 16:03

Teens need as much supervision as toddlers sadly they are at that selfish stage

Their brain is much the same as a toddlers due to hormones can't see beyond what they want, prone to tantrums ECt

I would not leave to teen girls hime alone for the whole night

My dad left my sister alone 4 years ago she was 15 she told one friend she had a free house that friend put it up on face book that their was a free house

Up shot was 230 people turned up at the house sister was unable to stop them she and her mates scared stiff left and caught the night bus to my house
(oh was not impressed) I then had to drive to central London to get my dad

He came home to a garden on fire, a girl had been sexually assaulted their we're 3 meat wagons and a abluance and the fire brigade also had to be called

My sister is actually a very sensible girl but from her just telling one person she had a free house things quickly got out of control and teens don't have the tools to deal with these things

let this be a warning

Supervision is the key

Original poster

katiesname · 03/04/2012 17:13

Wow, that's awful! I guess anything could happen.

That is really bad but we're surely not all going to be getting babysitters for 15 year olds are we?! In case one of these seriously random events happens? If that's the case then we wouldn't let them walk in to town on their own in case they get abducted (happened in our town last month)

OP posts:

Mrbojangles1 · 03/04/2012 17:21

I am not saying she needed a babysitter but I don't I think at that age being left alone for the whole night is very wise when you have teens

Going out for a couple of hours fine but going out for the whole night with them knowing your a least a hour away is a recipe for disaster in my view

And it's not about the getting abducted its about teens doing silly things

Like deciding to put a 14ff pool by a window then jumping into the said pool from the window (my mates 14 year brother) that happend this summer btw

Tees like toddlers take stupid risks

Original poster

katiesname · 03/04/2012 18:17

I know, all I'm saying is that with teenagers there is always going to be risk so where do we draw the line? If you're talking about not leaving them alone all night then you are talking about babysitters surely... or not going out for a night away until they are, what, 30?

Okay, I'm being deliberatly silly there. I'm just saying that these extreme examples of things that could go wrong are a bit aside from the point as if they happened to 15 year olds then they could happen to 16 year olds too, along with hundreds of other things that could happen to teens when/ if we take our eyes off of them.

I concede that 13 is a little young to be left over night (only becuase that is the concensus and I'm not single minded or stubborn enough to think I know better than an overwhelming majority) but by 14/15 it has to be time to take risks and hope for the best.

OP posts:

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 03/04/2012 20:25

13 is way too young to be left along overnight .... No way. Under 16 is too young IMO, and a night out/away is not worth the risk, however unlikely.

JasperJohns · 03/04/2012 20:31

Gosh, no way.

I have a very sensible 13 yr old, but there's no way we would even consider this and he'd refuse too!

Plus, in my experience, two thirteen year olds dilute the sensibleness by some degree!

hatesponge · 03/04/2012 20:39

I've left DS1 (who will be 14 in August) at home til midnight/1am on his own a few times now, he is perfectly happy. A couple of months ago he did end up staying here overnight alone though that was accidental and it won't be happening again for another 6 months at least as I think he is slightly too young still. None of his friends are allowed to be at home alone at all so there's no chance of any of them coming round to keep him company!

All this very much depends on the child though, DS1 has been quite happy to be left at home (initially for just an hour or so) from the age of 8/9, I suppose if he was more like his friends and didn't ever stay at home alone it would seem like a much bigger deal.

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