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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 13 year old alone with friend...

68 replies

katiesname · 03/04/2012 08:27

Over night whilst DH and I go to a friend's party?

The party is about a 3 hour drive away so we would have to stay over but no one is free to have the girl's over night. I say "girl's" as we've said we'll have her frined that night. Would obviously check that her parents are happy too.

They are pretty sensible. No worrying behaviour so far, apart from messiness!

We have my best friend locally as well as my youngest DD's childminder about a 5 minute walk away and she will be home that night.

What's the concensus?

OP posts:
seeker · 03/04/2012 08:53

Do you know a responsible older teenager- a 6th former who you could pay to stay over with them?

veritythebrave · 03/04/2012 08:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frostyfingers · 03/04/2012 09:23

Could you find a local b&b - we went to a friend's wedding when our DT's were small and found a local b&b where the owner was happy to babysit for us. All the two 13 yo's need is to be in the presence of a responsible adult. B&B isn't always hugely expensive.

Otherwise, no I wouldn't leave them when I was 3 hours away.

Original poster
katiesname · 03/04/2012 09:52

Good thinking frosty... will look in to it.

Verity - she may not be left home alone, the parents may have made arrangements for DSD's Mum to have her for the week (if they are away for the week, I don't know, it might be a long weekend or something) but because DSD is with us on the Saturday, she asked if her friend to come to us for that night.

I would call the parents too but I am a lowly step mother Grin, it's not my place as there are already parents involved on both sides

OP posts:
pumpkinsweetie · 03/04/2012 09:59

I wouldn't, a few hours yes but not overnight they are to young.
I dont really think leaving anyone under 16 alone overnight is a good idea.
Anything could happen, a fire, they could have a party inwhich your house could be trashed, they could have boys over...etc
Its not worth taking that risk IMO
You could either not go to the party or get a paid babysitter

Original poster
katiesname · 03/04/2012 10:03

Hmm... a sixth former... I do actually. That could be a possibility. What's the going rate for over night these days? She could arrive for dark and leave in the morning as the girls are both used to being on their own for long spells in the day time.

OP posts:
seeker · 03/04/2012 10:09

But do bear in mind that it is only your presence which stops your house spontaneously combusting.........

I reckon 20/25 and some delicious food would cover it.

Original poster
katiesname · 03/04/2012 10:10

Hmm, that's less than I thought actually seeker I'll run it past her... [hopeful!]

OP posts:
susiedaisy · 03/04/2012 10:11

No I wouldn't not overnight!

seeker · 03/04/2012 10:13

Be prepared to be bargained up!

thebody · 03/04/2012 10:18

Have a dd this age and will leave for hour or do but never ever overnight. What if fire, intruder, illness, accident?? No no no.

everlong · 03/04/2012 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StrandedBear · 03/04/2012 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lueji · 03/04/2012 10:31

I wouldn't.
In fact, I'd rather leave my 13 year old (when he gets there) by himself than with a friend.

I'd also suggest leaving someone in the house (even a young adult) - not sure if under 18 will be sufficiently assertive with the two 13 year olds -, or leaving them at a B&B nearby. Or, could they camp in someone else's living room?

Floggingmolly · 03/04/2012 10:34

No. And you certainly couldn't make that decision for your dd's friend anyway Hmm. Why can't they go to her friend's house?

Original poster
katiesname · 03/04/2012 11:07

[clings on to strandedbear hopefully] Grin

I said higher up the thread floggingmolly her friends parents are away on holiday.

As a bit of an aside, I'm interested that a lot of you have said that you would only do this for a few hours... she is on her own all day long often, with and without friends. Most of her friends do this. Although this is in the day, maybe people are referring to a couple of hours at night?

I used to have my little sister over night when I was 12 and 13 and obviously older. I guess times have changed.

OP posts:
musicismylife · 03/04/2012 12:00

The fact that you are going to be 3 hours' drive away, is not a good thing. If you do decide to go however, you ideally, need to sit them both down with the other girl's parents and have some sort of checklist to go through with them. Even going through all the stranger danger bollocks.

I have two 13 year old boys but would not leave them overnight as no one ever invites me to a party

malovitt · 03/04/2012 12:09

The daytime is different - 13 year olds at home all day would be fine with me, and I'm not one to worry about intruders and fires. Parties - I'll find one of my other posts about having to intervene in an unruly party....

Apart from that, a few months ago, some relatives went out for an evening meal at a restaurant about 10 mins away from their home, leaving their 12 year old in alone.

She was perfectly happy, watching a dvd in bed, when there was a knock at the door. Thinking it was her parents, she answered. The police were on the doorstep, having had an emergency call from an adjacent flat and had knocked at the wrong door.

Discovering a 12 year old alone at 11pm, the police went to the restaurant and bollocked the parents in front of the whole place, saying that they were lucky that they weren't going to be charged with 'wilful neglect of a child'. Scare tactics maybe, but it certainly shook them up.

malovitt · 03/04/2012 12:18

See my post on this thread

Original poster
katiesname · 03/04/2012 12:29

That's ridiculous! I would have complained about that. You can't get charged for wilful neglect of a 12 year old just for leaving them at home for an evening. If something happened to her there could be a case but as it didn't I'm fairly sure there's nothing they could do.

I personally wouldnt leave a 12 year old alone for an evening though.

She shouldn't have answered the door for a start. Why wouldn't her parents have a key. DSd wouldn't answer the door if alone. That's basic stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
katiesname · 03/04/2012 12:32

I just read your comment on the other thread... scary stuff but again, why did they open the door!? That scenario could have also happened to a 16 year old too though and you have to draw the line somewhere.

I lived on my own when I was 16! there were several wild parties

OP posts:
malovitt · 03/04/2012 13:07

The police banged on the door for ages - they thought it was a domestic violence call. The girl saw the police car through the window and thought that something had happened to her parents, so she opened it. Understandable in the circumstances.

The party girl, as I stated there, did not open the door.

I don't understand how you wouldn't leave a 12 year old alone for the evening, when you were ten minutes away but leave 13 year olds alone overnight when you would be 3 hours away?

seeker · 03/04/2012 13:57

I don't think I believe the "wilful neglect of a child thing" I think that must be half a story.

everlong · 03/04/2012 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PhyllisDoris · 03/04/2012 14:06

Way too young. It's more how they'd cope in an emergency, rather than what they'd get up to. I wouldn't leave mine until 16.