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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to go back to work and use childcare...

25 replies

frenchisbest · 01/04/2012 15:20

Basically, just had my second baby 9 months ago and already have a 2 years old. I was made redudant during my maternity leave so I am currently unemployed but really want to work part time... Not because I dont like my children but because I just want to be something other than just someone mummy and do something I enjoy even if it is working in a shop.. The problem is I want to work during the day and get childcare (no close family around..) and not early in the morning or in the evening when my partner can look after them. I know we will have to tighten our belt since a bit chuck of our salaries will be used for their care... He is just about ok with it..... But 2 of my friends so far told me I was daft... And that it would be better till I get the 3 years old 15 hours childcare or do night, morning or evening jobs... What would you do yourself?

OP posts:
MagsAloof · 01/04/2012 15:22

YANBU. The vast majority of women with children work.

WorraLiberty · 01/04/2012 15:22

Well I wouldn't go to work to leave myself out of pocket unless it was because I didn't want to 'fall off the career ladder' so to speak.

Personally, I'd wait til they were at school.

But if you and your DH are happy for you to do that, it's none of your friend's business.

Flossiechops · 01/04/2012 15:28

I agree with worraliberty, it has nothing to do with anybody else. I returned to work as I had no choice. If you don't have a profession then it sounds like you will probably have to take a job where it would not be financially viable when paying out for childcare. Tbh I would wait until they were school age if I was in the financial position to.

patchesmcp · 01/04/2012 15:28

YANBU. You need to do what feels right for you and will make you happy.

The children will enjoy mixing with other children and if you are happier you will be able to spend more quality time with them when you are around.

If your partner is ok with it why not?

Meglet · 01/04/2012 15:30

yanbu.

Jinsei · 01/04/2012 15:34

Yanbu. As others have said, it's nobody's business but yours & DH's.

McHappyPants2012 · 01/04/2012 15:36

If that what you want to do.

For me it wasn't an option I had to go back to work

callmemrs · 01/04/2012 15:41

Yanbu. It's perfectly normal to want to continue working after becoming a parent. No one would even question it if you were the dad!

Personally I can understand the reason about wanting to keep a foothold in the workplace, if you have a profession or career ( and indeed I worked for no financial gain with two kids in nursery). However, any sort of work can give you a social life, a healthy sense of independence and a chance to do something other than just be mum. So if you want to work, don't let the naysayers put you off.

As for using childcare- well, your children will get a lot from being around other little ones their own age. I would rather have had mine in nursery where they had a really stimulating and fun time than leave them with relatives just to save cash.

jemsgem · 01/04/2012 15:43

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DeepThought · 01/04/2012 15:45

''dumping'' ? Blimey

Any special reason why you are using such inflammatory language?

Jinsei · 01/04/2012 15:47

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Flossiechops · 01/04/2012 15:47

Unfortunately though jemsgem some people have no choice, I do agree though that I would not do it just for the sake of fulfilling myself.

Jinsei · 01/04/2012 15:50

Actually, I wish my mother had gone back to work for the sake of fulfilling herself. The whole family would have been much happier had she done so.

nightowlmostly · 01/04/2012 15:51

jemsgem that is so ignorant and sexist of you. I get so fed up of people assuming it is the woman's responsibility to look after any children, why not have a go at the dad, he has the temerity to - wait for it - work full time when he has kids. Is he not a terrible father for doing that then? Why should the woman be the one to sacrifice her life outside the home?

emsyj · 01/04/2012 15:52

"I would not do it just for the sake of fulfilling myself."

I would! And do. Smile

DD is really happy at her childminder and I am really happy being able to do something for myself 3 days a week.

YANBU.

DeepThought · 01/04/2012 15:53

Indeed Jins

The OP is talking about finding part time work, not ''finding herself'' up blardy Kilimanjaro

solidgoldbrass · 01/04/2012 15:55

Bear in mind that you can get tax credits towards the cost of childcare (unless your H is a high earner). And there is nothing wrong at all with wanting to work.

surroundedbyblondes · 01/04/2012 15:56

I can totally understand your wish/need to have a few hours where you're doing something else in addition to being a mum. Particularly if you have no close family nearby, I can understand that you must be craving a little breathing space.

I am home at the moment, but once our youngest turns 1 and a half she has the opportunity of a nursery place and I will be glad of that time. Her older sister is at the same nursery so we know the place well and I in no way see it as dumping her.

Different things suit different people, so please don't let other people's judgemental comments make you feel bad about your choices.

callmemrs · 01/04/2012 16:02

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emsyj · 01/04/2012 16:04

"Actually, I wish my mother had gone back to work for the sake of fulfilling herself. The whole family would have been much happier had she done so."

Yes, and this ^ too - I was made to feel that I had pretty much ruined my Dmum's life because she stayed at home with me (despite her frequent insistence that it is essential for all mothers to stay at home Hmm). I wish she had had some sort of 'outlet' for her own life.

Jinsei · 01/04/2012 16:14

Yes, and this ^ too - I was made to feel that I had pretty much ruined my Dmum's life because she stayed at home with me (despite her frequent insistence that it is essential for all mothers to stay at home ). I wish she had had some sort of 'outlet' for her own life.

Yes, the guilt I felt as a teenager was overwhelming. :( To be fair, DM never tried to make us feel bad, and it was fab having her at home when we were small, but she became horribly depressed as we got older. She was socially quite isolated as many of her friends had continued working, and she felt that she had wasted her potential; she also really struggled with the fact that we had grown up and she no longer knew what to do with her life.

The one thing she impressed strongly on DSis and me was the importance of having our own careers and our own lives. She has been incredibly supportive in helping us do this, and I know that she is happy that we both have an identity outside the home, as well as loving relationships with our DC. Sadly, her own life will always be tinged with regret. :(

It is erroneous to assume that having a SAHM is always better for the dc. It really depends on a whole range of factors.

Ephiny · 01/04/2012 16:22

YANBU, do what is right for you and your family, it's not really any of your friend's business. I have no intention of staying at home for years either!

I had a 'martyr' mother too, it wasn't a particularly healthy situation for either her or us really.

Ephiny · 01/04/2012 16:24

And yes, I've yet to hear anyone talking about fathers 'dumping' Hmm their children in childcare if they don't give up their careers when they have a child.

TidyDancer · 01/04/2012 16:25

YANBU, but just wondering why you didn't want to work in the mornings or evenings? It would sound like the most sensible thing to do in your circumstances.

Sausagedog27 · 01/04/2012 16:26

Probably not entirely relevant but how did the redundancy occur? Under the equalities act 2010 women on maternity are more protected from it and if there is a suitable alternative role, must be put into that (not 100% on this but lots of stuff over on legal).

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