To wonder why I have to constantly baby my husband and he seems to have no common sense

[WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill]

Yesterday he rings me from the supermarket- I will cook us a dinner tonight. Fine I say. In the meantime we visit my parents who have just come back off holiday. The kids are nagging to stay there for tea, I tell them no as Dad is cooking a dinner. So at 5pm we arrive home, the joint of meat is still on the side. I said 'DH I thought we were having a roast dinner for tea?' he replies 'ohhh I didnt know where you were so didn't bother' I pointed out I was contactable on my mobile he then says 'but my battery was dead'
So take two of the roast dinner debacle- he is cooking it today. I walk past the oven and notice the beef just chucked in a tray. I say 'DH arent you wrapping it in foil- it will be as tough as an old boot?' he says 'but theres no tin foil...'
Im sorry if I seem harsh but if that was me cooking the dinner i'd think about what I needed before hand and if we hadn't got it i'd take a trip to the shop and get it rather than ruin a whole joint of meat because I simply couldnt be bothered.
His attitude towards many things are exactly the same- a kind of 'oh well never mind' sort of apathy and its causing me to get extremely irritated. AIBU to think as a grown man he should be able to think a bit more about things?

I wouldn't say she sounds deeply unpleasant; maybe he has pushed her to the limit with his ways and his lack of doing anything in an adult way?

Bogeyface, I think you are reading things into this about the OP that simply aren't true. I don't know if there is something about the situation that has hit a nerve with you or that you are sensitive about, but really with the things you are saying you are behaving no better than you are claiming the OP is behaving!

Maybe Hex but maybe not. Maybe she just threw a tantrum because things weren't to her satisfaction.

I stand by what I said. Someone who slags off their OH, takes pleasure in their failings and patronises them is not a nice person. If a man was posting this about his wife he would absolutely crucified, and rightly so. But the default on MN is man=wrong, no matter what.

Sometimes that is the default on here yes. But there also seems to be a general default in life where everything in the home = the woman's responsibility unless the man chooses to 'help her out'. Perhaps the OP has had enough of that.

And as for her not being nice for slagging off her DH. Have you never ever moaned about your DH? Has he never pissed you off or done something thoughtless? You must be extremely lucky if he has never given you cause to complain or moan about him.

Not all men are like this. Mine is exhausting to watch from the comfort of the couch because he never stops.

Is this now 'Beefgate' ?

One half of mumsnet standing brandishing tinfoil, the other half nonachalantly saying we don't need it.....

Ha! I wish! I am divorcing him for cheating on me!

My mother was like this for many years towards my father. Until the day he had had enough and said he was leaving her. She was genuinely shocked as she thought they were happy, despite it being perfectly obvious to everyone else that she might have been happy, but he wasnt. A more miserable man you couldnt find, because nothing he did was good enough. They went to relate and are still together 20 years later, and very happy. She is still a bit like that but nowhere near as bad as she was. I have seen the damage being so critical and nasty can do, she did the smug "I told you so" thing alot, and the look on someones face when they are thinking that is ugly, downright ugly as it shows the poison in the their soul that they can be so awful to someone they profess to love.

YAB a bit unreasonable. Yes he was a bit silly about the tea yesterday. But I've never wrapped beef in tin foil to roast ( well didn't we don't eat beef now) and it's always been fine. So just let him cook it his way.

Obviously touched a raw nerve then bogey you are right nothing worse than seeing a smug self righteous person who constantly puts others down, but I just don't see this in the op's original post!

its not a raw nerve, it didnt affect me! I had left home by then, but I dont think that the OP realises just how destructive such behaviour can be.

Is this now 'Beefgate' ?

One half of mumsnet standing brandishing tinfoil, the other half nonachalantly saying we don't need it.....

Well, some of us are vegetarian & don't have an opinion either way!

And some of us cook beef in a cast iron pot with a lid and is much better than open roasting with or without foil :o

I'm thinking that both of YA rather U, OP.

I'd be irritated to come home and find a promised roast dinner hadn't been cooked. But then perhaps it'd have been helpful to tell your DH that you'd be back at a certain time and agree on when you wanted to eat your evening meal.

Likewise, if he normally wraps beef in cooking foil (not that there's any need to) you'd have thought he'd checked whether you have some. But it seems entirely contradictory to say you don't want food to go to waste, hence being pissed off about his alleged failure to cook the beef properly but then go on to take some perverse "told you so" pleasure about the allegedly inedible end results.

If you do, as you say, have to baby your husband I'm surprised that you are surprised this hasn't turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy. But then my former MIL was like this. Nobody could ever do anything right (especially FIL) so everyone finally stopped doing anything at all. Which of course enraged her all the more. I remember FIL finally losing his cool one Sunday after she'd banged saucepans around and wandered in and out of the kitchen in order to share her martyred mutterings with us for most of the morning. "Look", he said "just tell us what you want done, and how you want it done and we'll do it. Or best of all, give us some credit for having the ability to do a simple job properly and stop being a bloody martyr". It was the first and possibly only time I saw her lost for words.

If there is a next time, just let your husband cook the sodding dinner without any instructions. Except, perhaps, to discuss when you'd like to eat it.

Something tells me she didn't enjoy it out of necessity

Her poor PFB DD's wobbly teeth could not handle it. It's beef for christs sake not rock cakes.

I am the first to say 'leave the bastard' if he's a twat because I did just that! But I'm also aware enough to know that sometimes people act the way they are treated - and from the OP it does come across that she dictates to him what he should do, and how he should cook and takes offence if it's not to her liking.

FFS IF tin foil meant that much to her and how she wanted the beef she should have gone and got it herself.

I think that Pandemoniaa has it dead right.

This is not meant as a criticism, OP, but I wonder if you believe that it's helpful to people to point out things that they could have done better?

Both my MiL and my SiL do this, with the best intentions in the world, and the problem is that it is excruciatingly annoying if you're the person receiving a long string of suggestions as to how to improve. I think the habit can get even worse if you've got small children in the house, as you're constantly telling them how to do things safely. (I have largely trained my DH out of this, though he did kindly explain to me how to slice bread the other day)

Oh ffs im 'vile' because im sick of always being the one to sort out dinner/finances/kids school stuff/EVERYTHING because DH does things in a haphazard cba way and causes more work than ever?
Im sorry but he like me is a grown adult. If he tells his family he is cooking them dinner he should cook them dinner. If he cba to take care to cook a joint and it turns out like an old boot because he simply couldn't be arsed to take the time to make an effort then why should I pussyfoot around him as if hes some 7 year old whos 'tried his best' when he bloody hasnt!

The DH spoke with the OP, said he was cooking dinner, she said 'OK'. Arrangement made, surely?

Why would he then decide not to cook it, just because they weren't around? He knew they weren't around, because he had to call to let her know he'd cook dinner. She had said 'OK' - surely that was all the agreement he needed to know she and the kids were going to be home for dinner.

Sounds like he just couldn't really bothered when it got down to it. Annoying.

The tin foil issue is moot - I don't use foil when cooking roasts, but the OP's DH clearly usually does, so again, annoying if he didn't make sure he had everything he needed to carry out the task he offered to do.

I am not interested in doing the gender switch thing. This sounds annoying regardless of who's doing it, and symptomatic of a bigger, more persistent problem. I can see the 'martyr' issues, I really can - but this honestly doesn't read like that.

If everyone had read the ops entire thread they would realise that ops H didnt attempt to cook the dinner the day he had promised! He cooked it the NEXT day!- i dont think 5pm is an unreasonable time to be home for dinner so op is within her right of being peeved off to find the joint still sitting on the side at 5pm with no preps for dinner having been done!
Then when he actually gets round to cooking having bought it the day BEFORE he hadnt bothered to buy any foil.
Op had also put that shes fed up with his CBA attitude-so sounds like hes lazy to me.
Hope u had a well earned rest today op

YANBU you and he are adults one adult offers to cook then they cook not play the ineffective ejit.
I dont think the OP is being nasty at all thats way over the top.