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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why I have to constantly baby my husband and he seems to have no common sense

94 replies

WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 01/04/2012 12:03

Yesterday he rings me from the supermarket- I will cook us a dinner tonight. Fine I say. In the meantime we visit my parents who have just come back off holiday. The kids are nagging to stay there for tea, I tell them no as Dad is cooking a dinner. So at 5pm we arrive home, the joint of meat is still on the side. I said 'DH I thought we were having a roast dinner for tea?' he replies 'ohhh I didnt know where you were so didn't bother' I pointed out I was contactable on my mobile he then says 'but my battery was dead'
So take two of the roast dinner debacle- he is cooking it today. I walk past the oven and notice the beef just chucked in a tray. I say 'DH arent you wrapping it in foil- it will be as tough as an old boot?' he says 'but theres no tin foil...'
Im sorry if I seem harsh but if that was me cooking the dinner i'd think about what I needed before hand and if we hadn't got it i'd take a trip to the shop and get it rather than ruin a whole joint of meat because I simply couldnt be bothered.
His attitude towards many things are exactly the same- a kind of 'oh well never mind' sort of apathy and its causing me to get extremely irritated. AIBU to think as a grown man he should be able to think a bit more about things?

OP posts:
susiedaisy · 01/04/2012 14:59

But the other point regardless of the foil was that at 5pm when the op got back her Dh still hadn't stepped into kitchen to put meat in the oven or peel a spud!! If they regularly have their evening meal at 7-7.30pm then fair enough but if not then he was being bloody bone idle IMO

pumpkinsweetie · 01/04/2012 15:03

Exactly by 5pm the cooking of spuds etc should have been well underway

Original poster
WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 01/04/2012 15:20

Exactly. He CBA and that's all there is too it. No consideration involved

OP posts:
Jinsei · 01/04/2012 15:30

I'm not sure if I could be arsed to cook for someone who criticised my every effort tbh. And patronised me.

Just sayin'.

Original poster
WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 01/04/2012 15:36

I don't criticise his every effort this is one occasion where his lazy cba attitude has ended up not worth bothering.

OP posts:
Jinsei · 01/04/2012 15:39

But you say you have to "constantly baby him" and that he has no common sense. Sorry, but if my DH had that attitude towards me, I think I'd just sit back and get on with it.

If he is genuinely as useless as you say he is, why are you with him?

susiedaisy · 01/04/2012 15:40

To be fair if anyone had said to me I will cook you and dc a roast tea and I said thanks and went on out visiting family and when I got back all of us hungry at mealtime and that person just hadn't bothered at all to prepare anything to eat I'd be fucked off, it's rude and thoughtless regardless of who it is, even if they're just phoned and said sorry love it's beans on toady instead we've got no foil for meat, that would of been something!

Jinsei · 01/04/2012 15:40

I meant sit back and let him get on with it. Sorry!

susiedaisy · 01/04/2012 15:41
  • beans on toast- obviously Smile
Bogeyface · 01/04/2012 15:42

You sound absolutely vile OP and if you speak about your DH like this on here I dread to think what you are like to live with.

If I was him I would tell you to cook your own fucking dinner in future, in your own kitchen in a different house!

piratecat · 01/04/2012 15:45

i didn't realise how much i mothered my ex dh till about 2 yrs after we split.

i loved him very much, but that love got fogged over and i ran the show

draining.

fedupofnamechanging · 01/04/2012 15:45

Stop cooking for him and when he asks why, tell him you couldn't be bothered.

youarenotbeingserious · 01/04/2012 15:49

But he could be bothered! He went and got the stuff and the OP fucked off out without saying when she'd be back for it.

Would you all really slave over a stove for the afternoon preparing a meal for people who may or not turn up before/ when it's ready?

Something tells me by the OP's attitude that when she returned and it wasn't ready she took children out in a huff.

Chandon · 01/04/2012 15:51

Well, I think you interfere to much.

Tin foil on beef not essential.

Putting beef in oven at all IS essential though!

Still, somthing funny going on, it is af if you enjoy his failure...

...As if it proves you are superior....?

fedupofnamechanging · 01/04/2012 15:52

He didn't bother - he could have called her and presumably he knew she'd be back at some point and the kids would need feeding.

garlicbutter · 01/04/2012 16:02

Agree with Chandon, summat weird is going on. Normal people discuss approximate time while discussing cooking dinner, don't they? Unless they always eat at 5pm, which OP hasn't said.

I don't start a roast until an hour and a half before mealtime.
Beef in foil? Well I never!

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 01/04/2012 16:13

Bogeyface I think calling the OP vile is very harsh.

Bogeyface · 01/04/2012 16:15

She slags him off, criticise and then great pleasure in his failure? I think vile is pretty mild to be quite honest!

Bogeyface · 01/04/2012 16:17

Sorry for typos, on my phone

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 01/04/2012 16:21

I don't think she has slagged him off unnecessarily though has she? He was going to cook yesterday and just didn't bother, then today he didn't cook the meal properly. It's like he can't be bothered. Maybe we are both reading this in different frames of mind but I also can't see any posts by her taking pleasure in his failure? He does sound very lazy and it clearly is an ongoing issue with him that he just relies on the OP to pick up the slack and never does anything properly. I don't blame her for criticising him and slagging him off tbh.

youarenotbeingserious · 01/04/2012 16:27

But using tin foil on beef is not the law! It's a preference but not wrong not to do it!

I also find it strange that he rang to say he would cook and no arrangements of timings were made etc. That's my point to the OP about it now being all him. It sounds like she expected just to turn up whenever she chose and dinner would be done - and he should be grateful she turned down feeding the children t her parents.

OP- I couldn't live you.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 01/04/2012 16:31

No, not the law but the OP said the meal turned out horribly today.

With regards to the timings, perhaps the OP and her husband have a set meal time each night that they both know to be home by? We always eat at 6, so if I was to pop out and DH was cooking, he would know to do it by 6pm as I would be home by then or would call if there was an unexpected delay.

It just seems odd that he phoned her from the supermarket to say he would cook and then just didn't bother; like he feels he can pick and choose when he does things for the benefit of the family.

pumpkinsweetie · 01/04/2012 16:40

My lord bogeyface, why call her vile ? A H should cook dinner once in a while, its about give and take. My H doesnt do the laundry like ever, but once in a blue moon he does it and i am thankful so the op should expect dinner to be cooked if its been promised to her

Bogeyface · 01/04/2012 16:41

She said she was smug about it! She was pleased hw fucked up and made their DD cry because it proved her right. She sounds deeply unpleasant.
She

Bogeyface · 01/04/2012 16:42

I agree that he should cook pumpkin. But would I cook for someone that nasty? No way!