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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why I have to constantly baby my husband and he seems to have no common sense

94 replies

WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 01/04/2012 12:03

Yesterday he rings me from the supermarket- I will cook us a dinner tonight. Fine I say. In the meantime we visit my parents who have just come back off holiday. The kids are nagging to stay there for tea, I tell them no as Dad is cooking a dinner. So at 5pm we arrive home, the joint of meat is still on the side. I said 'DH I thought we were having a roast dinner for tea?' he replies 'ohhh I didnt know where you were so didn't bother' I pointed out I was contactable on my mobile he then says 'but my battery was dead'
So take two of the roast dinner debacle- he is cooking it today. I walk past the oven and notice the beef just chucked in a tray. I say 'DH arent you wrapping it in foil- it will be as tough as an old boot?' he says 'but theres no tin foil...'
Im sorry if I seem harsh but if that was me cooking the dinner i'd think about what I needed before hand and if we hadn't got it i'd take a trip to the shop and get it rather than ruin a whole joint of meat because I simply couldnt be bothered.
His attitude towards many things are exactly the same- a kind of 'oh well never mind' sort of apathy and its causing me to get extremely irritated. AIBU to think as a grown man he should be able to think a bit more about things?

OP posts:
cybbo · 01/04/2012 12:57

Scenario 1. My response would be' Well if we're not having roast beef make us something else'

Scenario 2. I wouldn't interfere with how my H was cooking the meal as HE is cooking, not me

cybbo · 01/04/2012 12:58

Take a breath OP!

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 01/04/2012 13:18

YANBU at all. My DH is the same. Last Sunday afternoon I went out and got back late evening (8ish) and the kids were still all running around and hadn't been fed. I asked why he hadn't cooked a meal and he said 'Well I wasn't hungry' and seemed totally incredulous that he should be expected to do something that didn't benefit him.

I deal with him by treating him like the child he behaves as. So my response to the above scenario was 'Oh well you'd better get them something made ASAP then, they need to be in bed very soon' and then leaving him to it.

WorraLiberty · 01/04/2012 13:21

You don't need to wrap beef in foil

Just don't overcook it and it'll be juicy and tender

youarenotbeingserious · 01/04/2012 13:23

But whale He rang to say he would do a roast when he got home - considerate. It could also be argued you were then inconsiderate to go out, and not give a time you would be home for the meal he was cooking for you.

I just don't believe the person doing the nice thing should be the one chasing the people recieving it. If you were cooking dinner and your DH had gone out and didn't say he'd be back for it at a certain time or ask what time it was would you chase him around to let him know? If so, you are babying him and perhaps he is acting a little this way as a response. We're talking a roast here not nuggets and chips that can be bunged in the oven for 20 minutes or so when wanted.

And I repeat - you don't need tin foil - it's just you prefer it this way.

JockTamsonsBairns · 01/04/2012 13:28

YANBU

Oh and, why is it deemed 'considerate' for the OP's Dh to cook for his family? I cook for my family every night, and I've never been described as considerate for doing so - it's just what I do. I'd be willing to bet that the OP is the same.

Original poster
WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 01/04/2012 13:31

If you READ my other post you would see my DH actually prefers cooking meat in tin foil just he cba to get any and just went 'oh well'

OP posts:
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 01/04/2012 13:38

I totally agree with JockTamsons; why is it when a man does something that a woman normally does on a daily basis, the man gets a pat on the back and 'oh you're so considerate helping your wife out like that'? It really does make me sick.

OP, I get annoyed the way it is always my responsibility to make sure we have milk, bread, shower gel etc in the house. It wouldn't occur to DH to ever check in advance, he just lamely says 'We got any more milk?' whilst standing there holding an empty bottle. Yesterday we went out and our 3 year old DS had a milky way. He got himself filthy and DH said 'Did you not bring any wipes?' and I said 'No, did you' and again he was incredulous that god forbid he should have to plan in advance and do something for his child.

cornishsue · 01/04/2012 13:39

Oh dear, 30 years of married life and I didn't realise you had to cook roast beef in foil....ooops!!

squeakytoy · 01/04/2012 13:41

He forgot to get tinfoil... so he was going to cook it without. Hardly a crime, and would not ruin the meat either.

So again I ask.. did you just stomp off out with your kids and leave him at home because he hadnt cooked your dinner yesterday?

Original poster
WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 01/04/2012 13:44

No I didn't 'stomp off' squeaky not quite sure what you are reading- me and the kids went out as he said he felt sick from eating a huge bag of jelly sweets (prob the real reason he cba to cook for us)

OP posts:
CupOfBrownJoy · 01/04/2012 13:49

YANBU

My DP does this - doesn't "see" mess, cba to buy things we are running out of, doesn't forward think, won't clean up after himself...

I've actually told him I'll postpone the wedding if he doesn't get himself sorted out. To me it seems like he expects me to be some sort of domestic slave and do all the "boring" household things he doesn't want to bother with.

Drives me mental - don't these men realise how unattractive being domestically incapable is?

WorraLiberty · 01/04/2012 13:54

Can you imagine a man posting here to say that since his wife didn't wrap the sunday beef in foil, that would make the meal totally inedible and a waste of money so he took the kids out to eat instead? Confused

He'd be fucking murdered Grin

TwllBach · 01/04/2012 13:56

DP does things like this all the time and it drives me crazy. Sometimes I work all day on Saturday/Sunday instead of a half day while DP is at home wih the cat and the dog. I will walk through the door offer an 11 hour shift and the dog will go crazy and I'll say "have you not let the dog out for a wee?" and he'll say "I didn't think she needed to" and then the cat will start screaming so I'll check her food - she hasnt got any. "you didn't feed the cat?" I will say, "I didn't realise I should" he will reply.

For the love of all that is holy...

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 01/04/2012 14:01

Worra, the OP said her husband didn't want to go as he'd eaten lots of sweets. If I'd screwed up cooking a meal then we would all go out to eat, it would be no big deal.

WorraLiberty · 01/04/2012 14:03

But he hadn't screwed up cooking the meal...he just didn't wrap it in foil.

Right now, I have a beautiful beef joint in the oven that's never seen a sheet of foil.

She could at least have let him cook it before complaining.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 01/04/2012 14:05

True. Actually I never use foil when cooking beef either, but am going to give it a go as I always find beef goes dry when I cook it.

However yesterday the OP's husband didn't cook a meal when he said he would. He stuffed himself with sweets and didn't bother cooking, when no doubt the OP cooks night in, night out for him. So last night he did screw up, and I don't blame her for going out to eat

youarenotbeingserious · 01/04/2012 14:05

Worra So true. Grin

I would normally cook things a certain way but if I couldn't I would do without instead of leaving midcooking to get it. Especially when it's a preference not a necessity.

And cooking a whole roast is considerate as is a DW cooking a whole roast. Cooking for the family is considerate full stop.

I bet if the DH didn't come home when expected for a meal the DW was cooking then he would be being called the inconsiderate one again. And if she didn't cook it not knowing where he was people would have suggested he should have called.

NoMoreInsomnia12 · 01/04/2012 14:05

I'd let him get on with it. Just shoving beef in the oven doesn't necessarily mean it will be ruined or inedible.

In our house you don't get let off a task for doing it badly. You have to keep trying until you can do it well.

Storming off with the kids ensured that the meat was wasted, didn't it?

jemsgem · 01/04/2012 14:06

does your husband try and correct your "fuck ups" OP? or doesnt he interfere, and lets you deal with your own fuck ups?

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 01/04/2012 14:17

YANBU. He sounds lazy and passive-aggressive.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 01/04/2012 14:20

NoMore the meat wasn't wasted as the OP went out to eat with the kids yesterday when nothing had been cooked. :)

pumpkinsweetie · 01/04/2012 14:20

He should have bought some foil If he planned on cooking- sounds lazy to me

suburbophobe · 01/04/2012 14:30

This is why I am glad my DS is away at uni and learning the domestics too.
Cooking for himself (or with mates) every night.

His future wife will thank me! Grin

Original poster
WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 01/04/2012 14:51

Well the beef was as tough as an old boot. Nobody ate it and Dd kept crying when she tried as it was hurting her wobbly teeth. I said nothing but felt secretly very smug

OP posts: