to refuse to look after my friends child?

[DollysDrawers]

while she goes back to work? I do sometimes watch him if she's going to the dentist/doc etc and I have no problem with this and will continue to do so. BUT she is going back to work next month and wants me to look after her almost 3 year old DS for 5 hours, 3 days a week. I don't want to do it. One reason is that he is a very tricky child (sweet but tricky) and my DD is not keen on him. My friend is of an opinion that children this age should not be told off, or told 'no' and should be allowed to express themselves any way they chose. I am absolutely NOT of this opinion and cannot see how any arrangement like this would work. He also does not like to be outdoors, hates parks, playgroups etc and DD loves them and I don't want to spoil our own normal activities.

I'm also pretty sure this arrangement would be illegal? I cannot find any links that I can show her to this effect but I think it is, I'm not a childminder. How do I tell my quite lovely friend that I just don't want to do this. I don't want to be an unhelpful cow but I feel she's putting me in a position and should have had this all arranged months ago.

Starting small is fine.
Even getting someone to role-play out situations can help.
I also sometimes will say 'sorry, I cant' when asked to do something. The reason that I can't might be because I dont want to do whatever it is, but it sounds final enough that people tend to accept it.

My friend tried this one. I said no and so she asked round all the friends in our group and we all said no. You can't return to work if you can't pay the childcare - end of.
My friend's kids are now in a nursery and if things go pear shaped we all chip in and help each other out but on a regular basis - no way. I think she was annoyed at first but soon got over it when we all said no.
Stay strong, if she's earning money, she has to pay for childcare. £40 for 15 hours is NOT a reasonable price for childcare!

What a good friend she sounds (not). She should not be counting on you , and should pay for proper child are if she returns to work . Lisa the op has every right to turn down such a request without it affecting the friendship. Helping out in a occasional emergency is different to being stuck with an ongoing arrangement that is putting the op out and affecting the activities she does with her child. She has every right as her dd mum to put her child's best interests first, and that means not looking after her friends child indefinitely

YANBU -it is a big ask and its sounds as though shes expecting you to do it.
I would say 'no sorry' and explain your reasons why and hope she doesn't fall out with you but if she does so be it as she doesn't sound like a very good friend anyway.
The fact her child is not disiplined for being naughty as she wont tell him the word 'No' is going to cause problems if u were to look after the child as all children need boundaries in my view

well, don't feel bad, she now just has to ring round childminders, and might need to spilt her DS between different ones on different days, get her name down on the nursery list (and if she doesn't need full time, she might get one or two of the days she wants, if other parents only want full time or not those days, she'll jump the list - then as she's already there they will normally give her first refusal on the other days she wants regardless of how long other parents have been on the waiting list).

Can't believe she said that. It's up to her now, if she carries on you'll know she is a user who is only bothered about taking.

Well done OP. Good for you. :)

make our husband a cup of tea OP!! How can you be so mean? YABU!!

Only kidding April fools! Well done OP

Well done you!!!

As for 'counting on you'?? Cheeky cow. You should have said 'Really - it's a bit silly to count on someone doing you a massive favour before you have even asked them!?!?'...but I appreciate that was so far out of your comfort zone it's probably not even visable

She's got balls bigger than a brass monkey. She asked you in front of everyone.

I used to be like this Dollys, a total yes person. I absolutely hated saying no to anyone and ended up in some really ridiculous situations because of it. When I finally decided to start saying no it was only hard at the beginning. Once people know you are no push over they don't keep on asking. Well done, you must feel so relieved.

One the child is 3 he will get free childcare for 15 hrs a week and a nursery abd some childminders so i would be cheaper for her abd better for you

Well done OP. Take no notice of the "counting on you" guilt attempts. You clearly weren't able to count on her not to try to take advantage of your good nature!