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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so angry with this waitress?

61 replies

ThatGhastlyWoman · 30/03/2012 17:59

OK, I am sure some will flame me for having been a bit useless in this situation myself...

So, just been to a caff I really like with a friend who is visiting town. It's my birthday, she had hers last week, and we decided to treat ourselves.

It tends to be quite busy, but as we were having a catch up and got a nice table we were fine with that and were having a nice time chatting and entertaining my 9 month old. We popped her in the high chair and put her at the table so she could have some food while we waited(she feeds herself, mainly).

Anyway, when the waitress arrived, it turned out I'd ordered the wrong thing for my friend. At the moment she mentioned it, the waitress put my coffee down... right on front of my baby. Who immediately put her hand straight into it. There was a bit of a kerfuffle, as I grabbed the baby's hand and was checking her over/panicking, at which point the waitress just walked right off. My friend followed her to sort out her drink, and assumed she was upset because of her thoughtlessness, so re-assured her that she though my daughter was ok, luckily.

She came back 5 minutes later, and put a large teapot of boiling water... where? You guessed it, in front of my baby. In the wink of an eye she had it by the handle and poured it all over the floor and herself. Thank Christ she only got a small splash on her leg.

Anyway, once I had dealt with that (running cold water etc) a very kind lady came over who had recently done her first aid for kids, and helped me check her over to make sure she was really ok. At which point the waitress came over, and essentially, in a fairly belligerent manner, proceeded to say that basically they were very busy, she was very stressed, and where else what she supposed to put it? I was still kind of in shock at this point, so the nice lady shepherded me away, partly I think to get away from this.

5 minutes later she came over again, and it was clear she had been sent to apologise despite still feeling she had done nothing at all wrong. She said we shouldn't have had my daughter pushed up to the table anyway. It didn't go well.

My point is, I think, that we were not shouting the odds, or being horrible to her. We have both waitressed, and we do understand that mistakes and accidents happen. It was her attitude that got to me. Not once did she ask if my daughter was ok, not once did she really apologise, or take on board what we were saying- which really was just that perhaps in future she could not put boiling liquids right in front of a baby.

I feel awful, too, that I assumed that she wouldn't put a hot drink near my baby, it just hadn't occurred to me in a million years that anyone would do something like that. I won't ever make that mistake again.

We did have a chat with the manager afterwards as I felt we'd got nowhere with her, and we wanted to make sure they spoke to their staff so it wouldn't happen again to anyone else. He dealt with it really well and refunded us as we just wanted to leave after that.

Sorry for the long post. It's been a couple of hours now, and I'm actually shaking again. I feel as though if I see her again I'll explode... but I think it's just the adrenaline. It could have been so, so serious. Sad

OP posts:
ThatGhastlyWoman · 30/03/2012 17:59

PS Sorry for the epic post!

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 30/03/2012 18:02

Wow - YANBU. I'm not sure that woman is cut out for waitressing - or anything in the service sector at all, for that matter...

AllthatshewantsisanotherBBaby · 30/03/2012 18:03

Yanbu the attitude would of had me livid. She blatantly doesnt see her own error and its only luck that your poor baby didnt suffer serious burns. I would make a written complaint to head office as it is really very serious! Angry

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 30/03/2012 18:06

YANBU. Anyone with a bit of common sense would know not to put hot drinks and tea pots down in front of a young baby. I know mistakes can happen when you are stressed and busy, but surely once she had put the cup down she should have had the sense to keep the tea pot away.

ChunkyPickle · 30/03/2012 18:12

No, she was being a terrible waitress.

Being thoughtless and doing it once, isn't good, but might be understandable in a young waitress with no experience of kids. Doing it the second time, and being belligerent is unbelievable.

Shutupanddrive · 30/03/2012 18:12

YANBU glad your baby is ok, it could have been a lot worse

claudedebussy · 30/03/2012 18:14

yanbu.

one day she'll look back and cringe. i hope.

AhsataN · 30/03/2012 18:14

wow! i think i would have lost the plot with her. people make mistakes but to make them twice and then be so blasé about it and then blame you! i would make a more formal complaint against her attitude.
the comment about you shouldn't of had your baby pushed up against the table. why the hell not! your baby is another person joining you at the table whether she is 9 months or 9 yrs.
a simple apology that showed some sort of compassion towards your child would have done it.

Heswall · 30/03/2012 18:18

Why didn't you stop her putting the teapot down after the baby had already been burnt, I would have been watching like a hawk when she came over the 2nd time.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 30/03/2012 18:27

I'm shocked (in a good way) that your baby wasn't hurt very, very badly. My nephew was a few months old when he had a cup of tea spilt on him and was badly burned on one arm and had to be rushed to hospital. He is now scarred for life and may need a skin graft later on to rectify that.

The waitress you encountered clearly lacks common sense, or empathy it seems. As for "having a chat with the manager" you're far more restrained than me! Glad your baby is ok.

Springforward · 30/03/2012 18:28

YANBU.

blubberyboo · 30/03/2012 18:40

thank goodness your baby is ok...it cud have been a horrendous outcome

i tend to stay out of most cafes as i find a lot are not very child friendly...i have one or 2 favs that are a bit more spacious and provide better facilities

most will not trust you to heat your own baby milk or baby food yet they don't train their staff to be careful with hot liquids around small kids....and of course an accident could easily happen even with another customer carrying liquids

you would think it would be common sense but yes a lot of people who haven't had kids yet don't realise how a baby could reach out or turn suddenly.

unfortunately for you it will probably mean you having to look out for this happening again...perhaps standing up and taking the teas before waitress reaches the table so that you can set it where it would be safe.

StrandedBear · 30/03/2012 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 30/03/2012 18:49

Blubbery - I don't think that is unfortunate I think that is what all parents should do and do most of the time. Unfortunatly it only takes a second for an accident to happen.

That said for her to put it in the same place a second time (unless you were on a tiny table) is stupid BUT I wouldn't have let her do it a second time!

AutumnSummers · 30/03/2012 18:51

YANBU. Disgraceful.

DustyDen · 30/03/2012 18:59

Woah, YANBU.

ThatGhastlyWoman · 30/03/2012 19:00

I know I should have watched like a hawk the second time. To be honest, I was still feeling scattered from the first incident, and haven't had a lot of sleep lately.. can't even think how it got past me, hence still being a shaking mess.

I think I must have been distracted (again!) for a second by something as she put it down. Stupid, I know. Sad And, honestly, it was a split second after, or even as she put it down, that it was grabbed. My daughter's extremely quick. And like I said, it just didn't even occur to me that she would do it again.

There's no way I will let anyone near a table we're at with hot liquids again, though. :(

Waitress was not especially young. Turned out she's part of a crowd my friend knows, so she knows she's late 20s/early 30s. And I agree with Stranded, too. I would never have done anything like that even when I was a child. Maybe because my mum was always very paranoid about hot liquids. For example, I have always turned pan handles in when cooking, regardless of whether kids are around.

Ah, well- we live and learn. And thank God my daughter seems fine.

OP posts:
Kayzr · 30/03/2012 19:02

YANBU that's awful.

GladysLeap · 30/03/2012 19:06

I came on ready to defend the waitress, but OMG stupid or what?

Surely she could have said "can you make a space for this coffee?" if there was genuinely nowhere else to put it. I waitressed for years before I had children and even at 15 years old I understood you don't put hot things near a baby. Words fail me.

CheshireDing · 30/03/2012 19:10

YANBU.

I agree age has nothing to do with it really either. Yesterday after our baby class some Mums and babies went for a coffee and the waitress would not even put the cutlery near the baby which was by the table, and she intentionally passed items around the back of the carrycot he was asleep in (rather than over the top). She was probably early 20's.

VivaLeBeaver · 30/03/2012 19:11

Not that you should have to but I think its worth bearing in mind that babies/small kids should be stck at the far side of a table where possible. I did this in places like Starbucks when DD was little. Mainly so she was away from the walkway and people carrying hot drinks back to their tables.

I guess at a waitress serviced cafe then it also means the drinks are more likely to be put down away from the child.

SmellsLikeTeenStrop · 30/03/2012 19:13

YA so NBU, I've been to restaurants with babies and I've never encountered anything like you've described and I've been served my youngish teenagers. It's waitressing 101, don't put hot things near young children - ever. It's basic common sense.

I'm glad your DD is fine, you must be making yourself sick over what ifs.

NowWeKnow · 30/03/2012 19:14

She sounds like she was being deliberatley belligerant because she was feeling pushed and was taking things out on the customers. The manager needs to deal with her or whatever problem she has asap.

When you have averted something awful with your child the enormity of what could have happened does hit you more later I think.

I so glad your dd is ok. Years ago in a packed cafe a waitress dropped a pot of scalding tea millimeters away from my (then baby) dd. I was horrified. I know it wasn't her fault but she was totally unsorry or unfazed by the incident. I was annoyed by her attitude more than the accident. It could have resulted in a serious injury; a sorry or some concern would have been appropriate.

AdornMeWithSparkle · 30/03/2012 19:19

YANBU - her attitude sounds awful. I hope it was 'cause she was feeling embarrassed and upset and isn't very good at dealing with those feelings so took it out on you. Still bad of her, though!

IME, many waiters and waitresses don't take into account not to stick spilly things right in front of babies and I always appreciate the ones who have clearly been on the job a while and are good at placing things out of DS's reach! However, I think most would be more careful with hot things which are obviously a hazard.

Hope you're feeling ok now, OP and glad your baby is fine.

NewGirlInTown · 30/03/2012 19:21

Whilst very glad that your baby is ok, it has to be said that YOU are her parent and you are responsible for her safety. It absolutely is not the waitress' job to second guess what your child might do. You say you know she is quick to grab at things, and that your attention was elsewhere, so why do you think the waitress should make up for your deficit of attention?
If she was defensive, I can hardly blame her. Words fail me that you allowed it to happen a second time.