To be so angry with this waitress?

[ThatGhastlyWoman]

OK, I am sure some will flame me for having been a bit useless in this situation myself...

So, just been to a caff I really like with a friend who is visiting town. It's my birthday, she had hers last week, and we decided to treat ourselves.

It tends to be quite busy, but as we were having a catch up and got a nice table we were fine with that and were having a nice time chatting and entertaining my 9 month old. We popped her in the high chair and put her at the table so she could have some food while we waited(she feeds herself, mainly).

Anyway, when the waitress arrived, it turned out I'd ordered the wrong thing for my friend. At the moment she mentioned it, the waitress put my coffee down... right on front of my baby. Who immediately put her hand straight into it. There was a bit of a kerfuffle, as I grabbed the baby's hand and was checking her over/panicking, at which point the waitress just walked right off. My friend followed her to sort out her drink, and assumed she was upset because of her thoughtlessness, so re-assured her that she though my daughter was ok, luckily.

She came back 5 minutes later, and put a large teapot of boiling water... where? You guessed it, in front of my baby. In the wink of an eye she had it by the handle and poured it all over the floor and herself. Thank Christ she only got a small splash on her leg.

Anyway, once I had dealt with that (running cold water etc) a very kind lady came over who had recently done her first aid for kids, and helped me check her over to make sure she was really ok. At which point the waitress came over, and essentially, in a fairly belligerent manner, proceeded to say that basically they were very busy, she was very stressed, and where else what she supposed to put it? I was still kind of in shock at this point, so the nice lady shepherded me away, partly I think to get away from this.

5 minutes later she came over again, and it was clear she had been sent to apologise despite still feeling she had done nothing at all wrong. She said we shouldn't have had my daughter pushed up to the table anyway. It didn't go well.

My point is, I think, that we were not shouting the odds, or being horrible to her. We have both waitressed, and we do understand that mistakes and accidents happen. It was her attitude that got to me. Not once did she ask if my daughter was ok, not once did she really apologise, or take on board what we were saying- which really was just that perhaps in future she could not put boiling liquids right in front of a baby.

I feel awful, too, that I assumed that she wouldn't put a hot drink near my baby, it just hadn't occurred to me in a million years that anyone would do something like that. I won't ever make that mistake again.

We did have a chat with the manager afterwards as I felt we'd got nowhere with her, and we wanted to make sure they spoke to their staff so it wouldn't happen again to anyone else. He dealt with it really well and refunded us as we just wanted to leave after that.

Sorry for the long post. It's been a couple of hours now, and I'm actually shaking again. I feel as though if I see her again I'll explode... but I think it's just the adrenaline. It could have been so, so serious.

I think I would need to know what access to the table was like before I pass comment, tbh. I used to work in a pub that served food & many times people would put babies in highchairs at the only point we could easily access the tables to serve. On a couple of occasions I have asked for the baby to be moved out of the way, so to avoid an accident.

Was your baby placed at the only/closest accessible serving space for the waitress? If so it stands to reason that hot food/drinks would be placed in that area, so perhaps baby should have been moved? I know that I always put my girls in the corner/near the wall/ out of the way so they can't 1] knock food out of the waitresses hands 2] suddenly get up & knock passing people who have food/drinks 3] don't get hot stuff placed next to them/tipped on them etc.

I also think you should have been a little more vigilant the second time around, to be fair. Yes, the waitresses attitude could have been way better, but your baby is ultimately you responsibility. It does sound like your baby was placed in the only area that the waitress could place your drinks/food, so perhaps you need to rethink where you put her, for her safety!

And like I said, it just didn't even occur to me that she would do it again Well OP, I would assume that she would have grabbed at it again, so would have been very careful that it didn't happen again. OP, it sounds like you are a little angry at yourself for letting this happen twice, once would have mortified me, if I let it happen twice I would be beside myself. And that's understandable, but you need to stop rehashing it. Your daughter is fine, focus on that & make sure that it never happens again!

if i had scalded someones child once

the waitress DID NOT scald the baby. The baby picked up/put her hand in hot drinks. Yes, the location of the hot drink was stupid, but please, it isn't like the waitress poured it over the child.

I have always taken hot food/drinks from the waitresses, and placed them myself, as I know how keen kids are to grab. It is second nature to me to keep hot food/drinks out of reach & this means that I can make sure they are.

Must be nice to be so infallible...

I'm not infallible, op. None of us are, I was over vigilant because at 2yrs old, my DNephew plunged his hands into a bath of hot water (my sister always put hot in first & added cold & my sister left DN roaming upstairs while she took a phone call downstairs). He grabbed a stool (you know, the ones toddlers use to get on the toilet) and dunked his hands in. His 6yr old sister pulled him out, thankfully before he tumbled in head first.

So I know only too well what relaxing your awareness does.

I am glad you child is alright.

I hope the manager dealt with the waitress appropriately.

yanbu but if you plan to eat/drink out a fair bit like we do then get used to it and make a space on another part of the table and ask them to put it there. It happens everywhere we go, I think people who don't have kids just don't think about it. I also have to keep cutlery well out of DD's reach so if there is a small table, there is a huge empty space then me and DH trying to eat in a really tiny part of the table

Thanks again, folks. Pretty much over it now, I was in shock for a while yesterday- and yes, angry with myself. Not a 'little', a lot.

It would be difficult to describe the layout of where we we sitting, and I'm not going to draw a map of it or anything- but honestly, there was space further away from the baby. I think she was in a mood, stressed and couldn't be arsed to reach/step further.

As I said, I was trying to clear space at the moment she approached to ensure that there was even more space.. and that's how I was distracted at the instant when it happened. I have at no point said that that moment of distraction was anyone else's fault but my own.

However, as someone said, the time for rehashing here has gone. My OH and I discussed it last night, and we may pop by in a couple of days for another little chat with the guy who runs it, just to ensure that they've taken on board what happened and thought about how to avoid it in future. (As have I.)

Also, that they have some sort of first aid plan in place. My OH does risk assessment to a very high level in his job, so he had some excellent points to make about this. We don't plan to be having a go, at all, I love this caff and they guys who runs it is really sweet.

I'd contact your local council health and safety and explain. The caf probably thinks it's a law unto itself but should be making sure all their customers are safe.

Oh dear, what a horrible thing to have happened! I felt sick just reading it. Thank goodness your baby was ok. Of course YANBU. I don't care how young the waitress was this was incredibly dangerous and careless and she could at least have been apologetic about it. I'm glad the manager took it seriously, let's hope s/he ensures it NEVER happens again.

I'd be furious too. My child was scalded by a pot of tea in a cafe and spent 6 months in and out of hospital, followed by 3 years in pressure garments.

I would have gone mental if someone behaved like that. I don't care what job you are doing, you should do it well.

YANBU
When I was a waitress many moons ago the company had a policy that highchairs had to be placed at the back of the tabe against the wall so that the servers could move freely with hot teapots etc. That was over 20 years ago.
I would be inclined to ask the cafe if they could rearrange their seating to make it safer for babies and train their staff in safe handling of boiling hot liquids and customer care too.
Finally, did the cafe fill in an accident form for the incident? They really should have. maybe ask them to do it when you go and visit?

I don't think the tables could be re-arranged that easily, insancerre - it is a very small place for the volume of custom they get. To be honest, I really think they'd be better off in other premises as the working conditions aren't that great for the staff, I think. I certainly wouldn't want to be trying to transport hot liquids around in it.

The accident book is something we plan to ask about, as well as how they plan to work on staff awareness and dealing with stressful situations. Possibly not having the individual staff member deal with a situation like that directly, too, and ensuring that someone (the manager?) comes immediately to offer first aid assistance (clingfilm/cream/whatever).

I wouldn't want to report them to the council unless we have further grounds to- i.e. they continued to do the same things. A lot of people with children go there, and generally they are very accommodating and pleasant. In fact, the manager is particularly sweet and has actually asked people to move before so I can get a better table with her and have her sat more out of the way. It was a lot busier yesterday so we sat in a different place... oh, well.

babyheave - so sorry about your little one. That must have been hellish... I can only imagine. It's brought a lump to my throat.