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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so angry with this waitress?

61 replies

ThatGhastlyWoman · 30/03/2012 17:59

OK, I am sure some will flame me for having been a bit useless in this situation myself...

So, just been to a caff I really like with a friend who is visiting town. It's my birthday, she had hers last week, and we decided to treat ourselves.

It tends to be quite busy, but as we were having a catch up and got a nice table we were fine with that and were having a nice time chatting and entertaining my 9 month old. We popped her in the high chair and put her at the table so she could have some food while we waited(she feeds herself, mainly).

Anyway, when the waitress arrived, it turned out I'd ordered the wrong thing for my friend. At the moment she mentioned it, the waitress put my coffee down... right on front of my baby. Who immediately put her hand straight into it. There was a bit of a kerfuffle, as I grabbed the baby's hand and was checking her over/panicking, at which point the waitress just walked right off. My friend followed her to sort out her drink, and assumed she was upset because of her thoughtlessness, so re-assured her that she though my daughter was ok, luckily.

She came back 5 minutes later, and put a large teapot of boiling water... where? You guessed it, in front of my baby. In the wink of an eye she had it by the handle and poured it all over the floor and herself. Thank Christ she only got a small splash on her leg.

Anyway, once I had dealt with that (running cold water etc) a very kind lady came over who had recently done her first aid for kids, and helped me check her over to make sure she was really ok. At which point the waitress came over, and essentially, in a fairly belligerent manner, proceeded to say that basically they were very busy, she was very stressed, and where else what she supposed to put it? I was still kind of in shock at this point, so the nice lady shepherded me away, partly I think to get away from this.

5 minutes later she came over again, and it was clear she had been sent to apologise despite still feeling she had done nothing at all wrong. She said we shouldn't have had my daughter pushed up to the table anyway. It didn't go well.

My point is, I think, that we were not shouting the odds, or being horrible to her. We have both waitressed, and we do understand that mistakes and accidents happen. It was her attitude that got to me. Not once did she ask if my daughter was ok, not once did she really apologise, or take on board what we were saying- which really was just that perhaps in future she could not put boiling liquids right in front of a baby.

I feel awful, too, that I assumed that she wouldn't put a hot drink near my baby, it just hadn't occurred to me in a million years that anyone would do something like that. I won't ever make that mistake again.

We did have a chat with the manager afterwards as I felt we'd got nowhere with her, and we wanted to make sure they spoke to their staff so it wouldn't happen again to anyone else. He dealt with it really well and refunded us as we just wanted to leave after that.

Sorry for the long post. It's been a couple of hours now, and I'm actually shaking again. I feel as though if I see her again I'll explode... but I think it's just the adrenaline. It could have been so, so serious.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 30/03/2012 19:22

So newgirl do you really think the waitress shouldn't take responsibility for the fact she left a hot drink in grabbing distance of a toddler?

blubberyboo · 30/03/2012 19:24

sirzy when i say unfortunately..i mean in the sense that she may in future appear untrusting towards all waitresses...most do have the gumption to keep hot things away from kids but you never know when you are going to get one that that has no experience or knowledge of kids (regardless of age) or who has a momentarily lapse
when you weigh up the risks it is better to risk offending a waitress and not be waited on (ie carry the things yourself) rather than chance your child being scalded. it is not nice to have to be like that but probably for the best.

puds11 · 30/03/2012 19:25

once is a mistake, twice is just plain stupid! if i had scalded someones child once, i sure as hell would not make that mistake twice!
I was a waitress from the age of 16 and never once (dispite not liking children) put anything harmful in a childs reach REGARDLESS of how stressed i was! i dont need that sort of thing on my conscience!

Sirzy · 30/03/2012 19:26

I agree, I always go onto "high alert" whenever I see a waitress approaching our table, if in doubt about where they will put it I tend to say "I will take that off you, he is a little monkey for grabbing" or words to that effect.

Mishy1234 · 30/03/2012 19:35

Yanbu. Surely it's common sense not to put hot things in grabbing distance of a baby and to do it twice...

I'm always on high alert in places with to drinks though. Never trust someone to do the right thing. She certainly should have apologised though.

I'm very glad you dd is ok op.

Annunziata · 30/03/2012 19:41

YABU at all! You must have got a real shock.

I would not want someone on my staff like that. Basic bloody training if not common knowledge!

halcyondays · 30/03/2012 19:52

Yanbu, it's basic common sense not to put a hot drink right in front of a baby, and to do it a second time is unbelievable. Most people working in cafes do have the sense not to do this, they are normally very careful. I can only remember once being somewhere where they stupidly set down something hot within grabbing reach of one of my dds.

MrsKittyFane · 30/03/2012 19:53

The waitress stupidly put hot drink/ boiling water down in front of DC.
You should then instantly move items out of reach.
Waitress stupid. Needs 'training' (understatement).
You should watch like a hawk.
6 of one, half a dozen of the other.
Never assume all people are going to look out for your DC. They just don't.

Original poster

ThatGhastlyWoman · 30/03/2012 19:57

Newgirl - thanks for that. As I've said, I do agree that I could have been more vigilant.

Incidentally, there wasn't anywhere else we could put the high chair- the table was in a nook surrounded on three sides. However, the tip about high chair placing is a good one and I will use it in future if I can.

I've been racking my brain as to what I was doing the second time- my brain has been in a fog- and it's come back to me now. I was actually trying to move things from the table for the drink she had brought so she could put it down as far away from the baby as possible. As I was turned to put the empty dishes on the table alongside, she had already put it down and it had happened.

As people have said, it was her attitude that upset me, and the fact that she did it twice. I don't mean to imply that I have no responsibility in this, and I think I have been honest in saying that I would never be so trusting again, despite having assumed it to be such an obvious thing. (All babies are grabby, in my experience.) I have been feeling so shaky and awful since, going over the 'what ifs' as someone said. Believe me, I don't think I could feel any worse.

I expect that those people who can't believe I made a mistake like this have never made a mistake themselves when exhausted and stressed. Must be nice to be so infallible...

OP posts:

Naoko · 30/03/2012 19:58

I'd be fuming too. I don't have any DC and if I were a waitress I might make this mistake because I am not used to thinking about what is and isn't safe for a baby. However, it's is a mistake I would not make more than once - surely once it is pointed out to you (especially if the pointing out is done by a baby reaching into a cup of coffee, rather than just verbal) that is a lesson forever? And I would be deeply apologetic and shaken and upset that a child might have gotten hurt. Her attitude and doing it twice is completely inexcusable.

MrsKittyFane · 30/03/2012 20:01

OP, she was really stupid. Note to self - don't be distracted - there are stupid people about!

pinkappleby · 30/03/2012 20:01

Yanbu. I had a waitress do this with a coffee and DD (who was on my lap)pulled it straight over, luckily she had thick clothes so no real harm done. The waitress was really upset and apologetic, she was only a teenager and I think she just didn't realise a baby would do that. I'm sure she wouldn't do it again. In your situation I would be livid and mother tigger might have made me give her sharp words.

MrsKittyFane · 30/03/2012 20:04

I expect that those people who can't believe I made a mistake like this have never made a mistake themselves when exhausted and stressed. Must be nice to be so infallible...
does leaving to DD climb out of a trolly only to fall on her head count? Like I said, don't get distracted.

Original poster

ThatGhastlyWoman · 30/03/2012 20:59

Thanks, MrsKitty - that does count.

FWIW, had no trouble with your post at all. There are indeed stupid people about- in fact (shhhh) sometimes I am one of them! I am not a huge fan of people who think they are never wrong, though. Tricky people to deal with.

OP posts:

claudedebussy · 30/03/2012 22:33

ah don't worry about it. i wouldn't dare post about my crappest parenting moment.

PeppaLump · 30/03/2012 22:39

Yanbu. Working in services is stressful, I've been there, but there's no excuse for rudeness, and even worse, injuring your child. Don't be afraid to complain about this stuff to the cafe, they need to know what they're dealing with.

Soupqueen · 30/03/2012 22:47

I'm old and sensible now, but when I was a teenaged waitress that would never have occurred to me, it just wouldn't. I had no idea of the grabbing abilities of babies and had never had any experience of them - this was true until my 30s.

People who don't have/don't have close contact with kids don't necessarily think about these things.

ilikecandyandrunning · 30/03/2012 23:00

You know what? I think she should be fucking sacked, or at least a bloody severe warning. Did the manager give her a proper warning? She could have scarred your baby foe life the fucking idiot. I am LIVID for you. I really hope she at least got a big bloody bollocking the twat.

Glad your baby is ok and yanbu at all!

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 30/03/2012 23:12

YANBU, her attitude sucked.

However, it is not fair to say it is only common sense to keep hot drinks away from wee ones.

Until I had DD, that would not have even occurred to me. In fact, as I'm guessing you had kept the area in front of the baby clear, I imagine that to a non-mother that was a very sensible and logical place to put things.

She should have learned from the first incident though!

TheBigJessie · 30/03/2012 23:49

It's one thing making a mistake like that once- I cannot, hand on heart, say I wouldn't have been that foolish pre-children. Indeed, some playgroups ban hot drinks altogether, in case the sleep-deprived parent of an immobile first-born puts their coffee somewhere ill-judged. But everyone learns.

Twice in a row, however, is horrendous.

wherearemysocks · 31/03/2012 00:16

I was in a coffee shop once with dd 2yrs old, I ordered her a hot chocolate and then said 'but not too hot it's for the little one', she was in the buggy right next to me as well so no confusion as to who i was talking about. Somehow the waitress heard 'extra hot'! Luckily I tested it myself first.

Stupid, but at least she was appologetic.

BlueFergie · 31/03/2012 00:23

Yes I have to agree with other posters. There is no way on earth that before I had kids this even would have occurred to me. Had I been a waitress (which fortunately for the children of Dublin I never was) I would have stuck coffee nd tea in front of them all. However it would have only taken one scalding to teach me the error of my ways. Which already makes me a far ulterior waitress to the one in th OP.
Maybe it is the awareness of my own stupidity pre kids, but I always take hot drinks direct from waitresses when my kids are with me.

BlueFergie · 31/03/2012 00:24

Ulterior=superior

nespresso · 31/03/2012 00:44

The place has highchairs so I imagine there are often babies and young children in. The waitress sounds awful. Being young and not a mother herself is no excuse, it's common sense.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 31/03/2012 00:49

Sorry, but if I went in there again and saw her I would just say something.

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