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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT replace this dvd for this childs birthday?

73 replies

mrsnesbit · 30/03/2012 13:28

Its an 8th birthday and the dvd i bought the child he had got the same one from another relative.
His mum said to me that he had scratched and damaged his original copy to bits so it was good some one had bought it to replace it.
So i offered to take the one i bought him and change it for one he doesnt have.
BUT if he damages them, im reluctant to spend my money on a new one, i'd rather get him a book or something instead.
(his mum commented that he damages them all by standing on them and dragging them across the wooden floors)

In my house, belongings are looked after with care, especially presents from people,

OP posts:
SuePurblybilt · 30/03/2012 13:30

Not getting the problem. He damaged his old copy, your gift has replaced it. Why would you need to exchange at all if his mother has said he needs the original version?

Or am I being thick?

Pandemoniaa · 30/03/2012 13:33

YABU. You can't give presents and then take them away because you don't like the way the recipient might treat them. It's a shame this child hasn't learnt how to treat a DVD but for all that, it is none of your business. A gift should be freely given.

imnotmymum · 30/03/2012 13:33

I re-read several times and think I am thick too.

Whitershadeofpale · 30/03/2012 13:33

I was thinking the same as Sue, however if he got 2 replacements and that's why you were going to exchange tbh I'd think it's not really any of your buisiness what he does with it and you'd come accross as judgy if you refused to replace it. I wouldn't buy him a dvd next year though.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 30/03/2012 13:34

You cannot give a gift and then determine how it has to be used. It is the kid's loss that he is messes up his things like that. There would be no duty on you, moral or otherwise, to replace it if the child destroys the copy you bought him.

YABU.

smalltown · 30/03/2012 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pascha · 30/03/2012 13:36

Eh? Why can't you just give him it and be done with it? Why do you need to consider changing it if they are happy to keep it? I understand offering to change it because they have a duplicate but not for any other reason. And if he ruins them - so be it. His loss. Not yours.

ABatInBunkFive · 30/03/2012 13:37

Have a Biscuit

sooperdooper · 30/03/2012 13:39

Don't really get it but if it needs exchanging then his parents can do it, not you

ABatInBunkFive · 30/03/2012 13:39

In my house we give presents because we like people, i don't tend to check to see how they've been looked after or anything.

VegimalStyle · 30/03/2012 13:42

If he breaks this one he now has a replacement ready and waiting. I don't see the need to replace it.

Birdsgottafly · 30/03/2012 13:43

YRBU.

But tbh, perhaps he should be given money and then he would understand the value of what he damages, because he has bought it with 'his' money.
This worked for my youngest, she had M LD's, though.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 30/03/2012 13:50

So he had one copy of this DVD and broke it.

Both you and another relative bought him a replacement copy for his birthday so then he had two undamaged copies of the same film.

Because he now has two replacement copies you offered to exchange the one you bought for his birthday for a different one he doesn't have already have.

But then his mum said he breaks all his DVD's anyway so rather than exchange it for a different one you want to get something else entirely so you aren't wasting your money on something he won't take care of.

YANBU. But I doubt anything else will be cared for either.

imnotmymum · 30/03/2012 13:52

I agree money a good idea ! He is 8 he should know better really and the Mum imo needs to deal with his behaviour.

GwenGotLost · 30/03/2012 13:58

YANBU; I'd do the same! Children really need to learn the value of what they have.
I like the money Idea, but perhaps vouchers instead; so it can't be so easily frittered away on sweets or such?

knowitallstrikesagain · 30/03/2012 14:00

YABU.

You have to give for the sake of giving. If you don't think they deserve anything, don't give anything. Gifts can't come with conditions attached.

imnotmymum · 30/03/2012 15:02

I know we should and do give for giving, but I sort of get OP. Me and my family work hard for our money and DVDs area treat for us and so should not scraped across the floor. Of course if the Mum had not mentioned it then non the wiser however I would be a bit peeved to spend my money on someone who does not give a damn.

valiumredhead · 30/03/2012 15:18

If he is likely to damage a dvd he is MORE likely to damage a book, isn't he?

It's not your problem so don't fret about it.

Original poster
mrsnesbit · 30/03/2012 15:19

hmm mixed bag but most of you think iabu.
I feel strongly that if people have taken the time to choose and pay for a present for my child, it would be disrespectful and unapreciative to then damage it.
Does he think that little of dvd's that its just trashed? poss not the right thing to get him in that case..

DVD's are not cheep and i dont really have the money to just, well, throw away.
I was just stuck for what to get the little fella.
He LOVES star wars so think i will get him some Star wars PJ's instead. Think he will love them.
I wnat to get him something he will love and enjoy, then we are all happy.

OP posts:
knowitallstrikesagain · 30/03/2012 15:27

I think that is a much better idea. Turn it around in your head, so instead of being, 'I bought something he should have loved and respected', it is 'I will buy him something that he can use and will be hard to destroy'!

If a child will not look after their stuff, you are well within your rights to get something cheap and cheerful, as I can understand not wanting to waste money. But once you have bought it, it is up to him whether he uses the DVD as a DVD or as one of a pair of skates.

My MIL once bought me a plastic fruit bowl. I use it as the DC sick bowl. I can't stand it, but she didn't offer a receipt. If I had bought the bowl for someone and they used it for this, as in your case, I would rather not know, but it is getting some use, just not its intended purpose Grin

valiumredhead · 30/03/2012 15:27

I honestly don't care enough about things like this, once it's give the present is theirs to do what they want with.

knowitallstrikesagain · 30/03/2012 15:29

And try not to think of the money as 'thrown away'. Once you have spent it on someone else, it is gone, regardless of what you spent it on and how it is used.

Sootie · 30/03/2012 15:32

I think YABU. My daughter throws her DVD's around the whole house too Blush, even when I have explained a milliion times not to do it. I think you're being quite judgy actually.

IAmBooyhoo · 30/03/2012 15:34

i'm still confused as to why you have given him a gift that is replacing something he has broken that his mum has expressed thanks for but you are now going to change it? his mum said she was glad you got him that specific DVD. why change it?

Original poster
mrsnesbit · 30/03/2012 15:37

IAmbooyhoo, someone else gave him the same dvd earlier in the day. I took mine at tea time.

OP posts:
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