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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT replace this dvd for this childs birthday?

73 replies

mrsnesbit · 30/03/2012 13:28

Its an 8th birthday and the dvd i bought the child he had got the same one from another relative.
His mum said to me that he had scratched and damaged his original copy to bits so it was good some one had bought it to replace it.
So i offered to take the one i bought him and change it for one he doesnt have.
BUT if he damages them, im reluctant to spend my money on a new one, i'd rather get him a book or something instead.
(his mum commented that he damages them all by standing on them and dragging them across the wooden floors)

In my house, belongings are looked after with care, especially presents from people,

OP posts:
IAmBooyhoo · 30/03/2012 15:43

ah right so your copy would be a third copy?

cansu · 30/03/2012 15:49

In my house we buy what the recipient would like and if they break it that's OK it is NOW THEIRS! Find your attitude really strange tbh

imnotmymum · 30/03/2012 15:52

Sootie why would it be judgy to think it not OK to scrape about 12 quids worth of pressie across the floor ?? Not judging just a complete lack of respect for property.

2shoes · 30/03/2012 15:55

yabu
you give a present and then it is not yours any more,
what happens to it ir even if it it is broken or sold, is not your concern.
beyond odd imo

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 30/03/2012 15:58

Grin at knowitall sick bowl

BackforGood · 30/03/2012 16:03

Love the fruit / sick bowl Grin

I agree with everyone else. If I knew someone didn't treat things carefully, then I wouldn't lend them something of mine, but if I give someone a present, I really don't give two hoots if they treat it so cautiously it rarely gets used, or if they use/play/wear is to death in the first couple of months, and, because they get so much use out of it, it's worn out / broken sooner, well, so be it - it's nothing to do with me.

blubberyboo · 30/03/2012 16:08

r u sure you're not takin the mum a little too literally??

when my ds was small he crashed and bashed his cars...i used to say "oh you wreck all your toys" but he didn't actually break ALL of them...just a few became collateral damage with his boyish antics

Sootie · 30/03/2012 16:13

But it's not YOUR property is it? Shouldn't the child's mother be disciplining him, instead of you? You're in no position to be teaching the child lessons like "you broke that, so you're not getting another one". I think it's silly you buy a present and then want it to be used in a certain way. Why don't you move in with them and make sure 24 hours a day that he doesn't drag the DVD along the floor, just because you spent £12 on it!! Grin

imnotmymum · 30/03/2012 16:27

" I think it's silly you buy a present and then want it to be used in a certain way." He is 8 and why on earth would you buy someone a DVD and expect it to be used as erm a DVD !!! I do not believe the OP is saying at all that she want things to be used in a certain way but just "upset" that a present she spent her money on and picked out for him is totally unappreciated

Original poster
mrsnesbit · 30/03/2012 16:49

Thankyou imnotmymum, that is what i am thinking.
I am not wanting the child disciplined! Thats bonkers!
And im not odd for wanting to get something that will be appreciated, also bonkers comment!
People parent differently, this is not something i would tolerate in my house when someone has been kind enough to spend thier money and time on a nice gift for my child...whether it be 10p 0r £12.
Boys are boys, i get that, accidents do happen, but this was just purposefully destructive behaviour.
Im spending my money on a dvd that my ds would absolutely love, but ive told him he must wait till his birthday to get it.
The boys mum said that he has done this to most of his dvd's....really? Is this ok to do? really?

OP posts:
cornsilksit1 · 30/03/2012 16:53

'In my house, belongings are looked after with care, especially presents from people,'
ooh get you!

ABatInBunkFive · 30/03/2012 16:53

No one said or implied anywhere that it would be unappreciated. Treating something not quite as carefully as you should doesn't mean you don't like it, especially in a child. Hmm

ABatInBunkFive · 30/03/2012 16:55

Oh sorry cross posts no you are right he is a complete brat and the mum is worse than useless, that any better for you?

Original poster
mrsnesbit · 30/03/2012 17:15

ahh no, he isnt a comlpete brat, hes a lovely kid and its always great to spend time with him, but i am still adamant that i would prefer to get him something that will be appreciated and not wrecked.
My boy loves him too, honestly, hes lovely. Im not saying he is a brat at all.
I am also adamant that this is not a behaviour i would like in my child. I dont think that this is unreasonable.

OP posts:
babybythesea · 30/03/2012 17:33

I think I agree a bit with both sides!
Once you've given a present, then you can't dictate what will be done with it, so in that sense YABU.
However, it is also ok to feel hurt when you have spent time and money picking out something you think someone will like and then seen it trashed (or in this case, realised there is a strong possibility of it being trashed)..
I don't think you need to change anything this time. However, it's the sort of info I'd store up for future use so that next time I picked a present, I'd choose something he couldn't damage (although still choose something he'd love, like the pj's).

Original poster
mrsnesbit · 30/03/2012 17:34

thanks baby x

OP posts:
ABatInBunkFive · 30/03/2012 17:38

I'm quite sure it's a behaviour the mum doesn't particularly like either though. Just because she didn't detail the ways she deals with it doesn't mean she condones it.

Original poster
mrsnesbit · 30/03/2012 18:10

True, she is a good friend, a lovely mum, and im sure she wouldnt have just ignored this, but tbh, she does seem to have to replace stuff and throw allot of stuff out due to trashing.
She bought him a new telly for his bday as he had damaged his previous one so badly, he couldnt see the picture. Feel sorry for her really.
I know he will love starwars pj's so im going to get these for him.

OP posts:
OriginalJamie · 30/03/2012 18:12

Wow, you sound so giving

Catsdontcare · 30/03/2012 18:16

I can understand where you are coming from. I know a lovely family but the kids toys and belongings are trashed. Everything has bits missing or broken and is spread everywhere and I have to admit I can't face buying some that is inevitably going to end up the same so tend to buy them things that are less destruct able!

imnotmymum · 30/03/2012 18:27

Original do not see why you being sarky

OriginalJamie · 30/03/2012 19:26

Because she offered to replace the DVD with another one and she's now changed her mind and is using the opportunity to make this into some judgement of the child/his mother.

imnotmymum · 30/03/2012 19:28

Well I think it is a matter of not wasting her money not being judgy

Pandemoniaa · 30/03/2012 19:38

I can see both sides to this but stand by what I said originally.

Only I hate to see things trashed or needlessly destroyed so yes, would be disappointed to think this might happen to a present. But equally, how is the child to learn how to value anything if previously given gifts are taken away to be replaced with something quite different on these grounds alone?

Also, while he might love the pjs, I can see the boy being a little surprised at how the replacement DVD has mysteriously morphed itself into a pair of pyjamas.

Still, it's your money. But I still think you are being rather judgemental and not entirely reasonable.

Original poster
mrsnesbit · 30/03/2012 19:42

luckily he didnt see the dvd, he doesnt know i had got it, i asked his mum if he had it as he was out in the garden playing, so i whipped it out of the bag.

(also luckily i had got him several other bits & peices in the gift bag so he didnt have nothing at all from us, the dvd was the main pressy tho)

OP posts: