Why did you bother having children?

[knowitallstrikesagain]

(The other thread title was waaaay too long!)

At one end of the spectrum: Parents who work away from home full time from an early age.

At the other end: Parents who home educate because they do not want to be away from their children.

I cannot count how many times I have heard people say, 'I don't know why she (and it is normally she) bothered having a child if she is going to leave it.

However, what is the definition of leaving it?
If you work away from home but see child at weekends?
If you send child to nursery at 4mo so you can return to work?
If you work part time?
If you work full time?
If you are a single parent who goes out once a week?
If you let your child sleep on their own?
If you send your child to boarding school?
If you send your child to any school?
If you and your partner go away for a week to Bali every year without DCs?
If you and your partner go away to Skegness one weekend a decade without DCs?
Does it matter whether they are left with nursery, childminder, family or friends?
When are they being 'abandoned'?

Since having DC I have been a WOHM, been a SAHM, been away with DP for weekends, sent DC to nursery/school, gone out in the evenings.

AIBU to think that if this is the view, nobody should ever have chilren unless they intend to be with them every second of every day until they are an adult?

So there will be someone to look after me in my old age
So there is someone in the house who looks lovely no matter what they are dressed in (example me in red jeans. 3 yo DD in red jeans, only one of us looked good)
So someone adores me no matter how bad I look (yet still likes to point out that i look nicer in work clothes)
For amusement, nothing funnier than a 3 year old speaking to her 1year old sister in the style of her mother

I will have to agree to differ about 'just being around'. Having been SAH and WOH and part time, I think the level of time and attention you give to your children is much more important than being in the same house as them but ignoring/avoiding them for a large part of the day. I enjoy doing my own thing, I like having people around, but it doesn't have to be having DP in the same house as me, it could be my mum or a friend.

If children actively want to engage with an adult, I think they would rather be around one who will engage with them, even if that adult is being paid to do so, rather than one who finds it 'exhausting'.

I do appreciate that children need to learn to be independent, but if they are going to be ignored, does it matter who they are ignored by?

Yes, I am being deliberately provocative and I know that the majority of mums who are at home do not 'ignore' their children, but I do think that the quality rather than the quantity of time spent with DC is overlooked when arguing about SAH and WOHPs.

My mother worked full time through necessity. Although money was tight and she was stressed because of this, we knew why she had us and that was because she loved us and even though she 'abandoned' us all day, that was never in doubt.

The point I am trying to make is that children dont view it as abandoning, thats just mothers judging (and each other)

Also, some of us had parents who worked and some had a parent who didn't. OK, some of us have issues that we now blame on our parents, but most people look back over how they were brought up and, unless they were abandoned on a church doorstep, understand why parents did what they did and have no sociopathic disorders because of it.

What I remember most, so I am sure this must apply to some others, is specific instances of playing/being read to/learning from my parents. I have no idea whether they happened between the hours of 9-5 on a weekday or at the weekend. So I don't care how often they were around, just that I remember that when they were around they took an interest.

My parents sometimes went on holiday without me. As far as I know, I do not hate them for it, nor am I emotionally scarred.

Nope, definately OK.