(The other thread title was waaaay too long!)
At one end of the spectrum: Parents who work away from home full time from an early age.
At the other end: Parents who home educate because they do not want to be away from their children.
I cannot count how many times I have heard people say, 'I don't know why she (and it is normally she) bothered having a child if she is going to leave it.
However, what is the definition of leaving it?
If you work away from home but see child at weekends?
If you send child to nursery at 4mo so you can return to work?
If you work part time?
If you work full time?
If you are a single parent who goes out once a week?
If you let your child sleep on their own?
If you send your child to boarding school?
If you send your child to any school?
If you and your partner go away for a week to Bali every year without DCs?
If you and your partner go away to Skegness one weekend a decade without DCs?
Does it matter whether they are left with nursery, childminder, family or friends?
When are they being 'abandoned'?
Since having DC I have been a WOHM, been a SAHM, been away with DP for weekends, sent DC to nursery/school, gone out in the evenings.
AIBU to think that if this is the view, nobody should ever have chilren unless they intend to be with them every second of every day until they are an adult?
AIBU?
Why did you bother having children?
knowitallstrikesagain · 28/03/2012 13:52
I really like this thread. Very good premise and equal measure of funny and interesting replies.
Well done ladies 
I just wanted a baby to cuddle 
My youngest is 14months now so not quite sure what to do next (I've had more than enough as it is).
Because I wanted someone to turn up at my funeral.
Seriously, thought OP, personally I would ideally like to have been a SAHM untill my youngest started reception, and then fit in work so I was able to collect them from school/be there when they get home until they leave for uni. Unfortunately this hasn't been financially possible, and DD spent 12 hours a week in nursery from the the age of 2 (which with hindsight I regret, but a great work opportunity came up). Selfish? With hindsight yes, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When DC1 was born I decided to only ever leave him while he was asleep. Now he's 13 this is very difficult 
.
It's all about balance. If I had to leave my DC from Monday to Friday to pay the mortgage and feed them I would. If I could financially afford to be a SAHM I would. As it is I work 5 hours a day 5 days a week term time only to provide life's little luxuries while DH earns enough to pay for a basic bills.
Personally I would never have had a maternity nurse (if I could have afforded one!) as I don't see the point in having a baby and handing their care over to someone else. I understand though that some people really struggle with the baby stage and are great with older children. I wouldn't send my DC to a boarding school because I'm a control freak, and want to over see every little last thing they do. Some people chose boarding school for their children because it provides the best education in a beautiful setting with no daily commute, and therefore an nice overall life style. My sister adored boarding from the age of 13. for her it was the best thing my parents could ever do for her.
I did work for someone once, who had a maternity nurse for each of her children and sent her boys to boarding school when they were 8. All of her children were planned, but I sometimes wondered if she just had children because they are "what one does". She was never particularly nice to them from what I saw. 
MNetters so often bang on about the rights of women working outside the home, and the benefits to children of day care, but I remember one thread where a single mother was offered a well payed job which would mean a nanny cared for her toddler 5 days a week, and due to the long hours she wouldn't see her child expect at weekends. Posters were 
and disgusted that a mother would leave her young child for so long, even though it meant providing a much higher standard of living. I concluded mothers should ideally work three days a week from 9-5, but no more or no less.
the pill failed
but how i wish i had someone to dump her on 
Some great posts on this thread.
I went to boarding school from 10 and I absolutely loved it, it was the making of me. I would give my DD the choice when she was older if she wanted to go.
I had a baby because I wanted to dress it up in cute outfits. When she got to 3 she decided she wanted to choose what to wear herself so now I'm bereft. The only consolation is the train set and the Lego
The line is that you have them to give them roots and give them wings. It is the one job aimed to make you redundant! If you have done it well they choose to come back because they enjoy being with you.
It is a gradual process. Being with a baby 24/7 is good, however some people can't manage it and do not have to beat themselves up over it-often they are a better parent. Being with an 8yr old 24/7 is not good.
The one thing about being a mother is that some people will think that you get it wrong, whatever!
Good enough is fine! (who wants to live with the 'perfect mother'?-I would say she would be fairly unbearable!! )
I had a child because DH wanted one then I warmed to the idea of passing on our genes and creating a new kinship line in the family tree . One of the best decisions I ever made. I've been FT WOHM and FT SAHM since her birth and have suffered no guilt in either scenario. Whether she's left in the care of others or in my care matters not to me because she exists in this world and is a new member of the family.
Have you seen how cut baby clothes are? Nobody told me about the poo and the puke though
and that once you wean them they stop smelling all lovely and baby like.
Meglet
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