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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the teacher could have handled this differently?

97 replies

lottielou39 · 27/03/2012 17:08

I'll be brief.
Dd (yr 4) wrote a love note to a boy in her class.
Innocent 'I Love You' type stuff.
Teacher takes it away and then in assembly, in front of the whole year, reads out the note, names and all.
The (totally blameless) boy in question was very embarrassed.
I've explained to dd that she shouldn't write notes in class, (was written during fun free time session) but really- it's not the fucking crime of the century is it? And much better than a hate note?
Is public humiliation the way to go? Should the teacher not have had a word with her in the classroom or in private?

OP posts:
SnapesMistress · 27/03/2012 21:35

Please update when you have seen the teacher, I'm a teacher trainee and this would be a HUGE cause for concern if we did something like this.

Cherriesarelovely · 27/03/2012 21:41

WOW, that is absolutely outrageous. I am truly appalled. Please do complain. I feel livid just thinking about it. In my school that would be dealt with VERY severly- I mean the teacher would be dealt with.

Cherriesarelovely · 27/03/2012 21:44

lisaro I completely agree.

exoticfruits · 27/03/2012 21:47

As a teacher I would say it was a ridiculous way to handle it.

Original poster
lottielou39 · 27/03/2012 21:55

the more I think about it, the more incensed I feel. I just can't believe the teacher did this. It's like she had a sort of meltdown.

OP posts:
MarthasHarbour · 27/03/2012 22:00

this is appalling, your poor DD, but it seems that her mates are behind her if the parents are texting you Smile

marking my place for update

doingthehokeycokey · 27/03/2012 22:00

Have to add my voice to the outrage, and sadness that an adult would choose a forum for maximum humiliation of two children. And I honestly dont get what the crime was supposed to be.

Cherriesarelovely · 27/03/2012 22:04

Exactly, there is no "crime" at all is there? Your DD can write a note to whomever she chooses.

Coconutty · 27/03/2012 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CremeEggThief · 27/03/2012 22:12

OP, I know it's tempting to go in all guns blazing, but I think you will be taken more seriously if you try to stay calm, clear and concise when you see the Head. Maybe write down and practise what you want to say before you go in? Good luck anyway and do update us.

blackeyedsusan · 27/03/2012 22:19

do you have a contact number for the boys parents to jointly complain, or do you think they will blame dd fo starting it? poor things they must be mortified.

BerryCheesecake · 27/03/2012 22:32

YANBU , that was very unprofessional of her. If I were me I would write a letter of complaint/ email to the chair f governors and copy in the head etc. say you ate unacceptable with the way the head behaved and you want something done to make sure it never happens again. I can't see anyone finding the head's behaviour suitable tbh!

BerryCheesecake · 27/03/2012 22:33

Ate unacceptable should read "not happy".... No idea what my phone is doing?!

Original poster
lottielou39 · 27/03/2012 22:35

it was the teacher, not the Head. I'm going to talk to the Head about it.

OP posts:
cutegorilla · 27/03/2012 22:38

Surely if it was written in a free time session she did absolutely nothing wrong?! So the punishment was not only wildly inappropriate but also totally uncalled for!

Good luck pursuing it.

BerryCheesecake · 27/03/2012 22:41

Yes I definitely advise talking to the head and possibly following it up with a letter of complaint also sent to the govenors. If a teacher in my school did this I would be furious and give them a verbal ( if not written warning) and give them a heavy reminder about professional misconduct.

Servalan · 27/03/2012 22:56

How jaw-droppingly awful! I'm a former teacher and am utterly stunned to read this. Good luck with the Head Teacher tomorrow. I agree with CremeEggThief btw about going in calm and prepared with points written down.

Original poster
lottielou39 · 27/03/2012 23:36

am half tempted not to send her in tomorrow. Don't really want that person teaching her right now. A few days left till end of term. Then about 11 weeks of school left until she leaves that school to go up to middle school. Shame it's not the end of the Summer term.

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 28/03/2012 08:01

You could ask that she moves classes?

Original poster
lottielou39 · 28/03/2012 09:38

she's at home today. She said she was feeling sick. She's very tearful. And my husband was adamant that she not go into school. Which I agree with. She's only got one more remaining term at that school because she moves to middle school in September. And they break up at the end of this week for Easter, so only doing fun stuff today, tomorrow and a school trip on Friday.

OP posts:
Mumsyblouse · 28/03/2012 09:54

I agree the teacher did the wrong thing. There's no school rule, I am sure, that in free time you are not allowed to write a love note.

However, I would also now try to minimise the whole thing. If you react like it is the end of the world, and worth missing school over, it's giving her the impression it really is a catastrophe, whereas it is upsetting but doens't need to be defining if you don't let it.

I would have sent her in, and certainly send her on the school trip. Otherwise she is going to dread going back into school after the holidays. I don't think time will make any difference if she's worried about teasing, children may go on about it next term if they see she is still bothered. I think you need to help her front it out.

Mumsyblouse · 28/03/2012 09:55

As well as seeing the Head, I would definitely do this. I don't go into school very much for anything, but socially embarassing and humiliating a child isn't ok.

Bletchley · 28/03/2012 09:57

You have seen the letter, so you know for sure what it says? If so, yes you need to speak to the head. I am always on here saying - that's life, that's how it is, don't do it again- but this is a total overreaction from the teacher and I think you need to go in. Be as calm as you can, two wrongs don't make a right.

mummytime · 28/03/2012 10:08

Please go and complain to the head. Even better would be to write, as they can't forget things put in writing. The teachers behaviour was disgraceful.

The closest I ever came to it was when at upper secondary (13+) our teachers used to read out graffiti on school box of the: RG loves CT type, they would never have read private notes in public.

Original poster
lottielou39 · 28/03/2012 10:08

no, I haven't seen the letter, but she's sworn on her dogs life (who she loves more than life itself) that it just said: I love you +insert kids name+ from +her name+ and I believe her.
She's also very upset about a comment the teacher made about her later in the day, in earshot of her, saying 'I hate that name (my dd's name)right now'.

OP posts:
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