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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the teacher could have handled this differently?

97 replies

lottielou39 · 27/03/2012 17:08

I'll be brief.
Dd (yr 4) wrote a love note to a boy in her class.
Innocent 'I Love You' type stuff.
Teacher takes it away and then in assembly, in front of the whole year, reads out the note, names and all.
The (totally blameless) boy in question was very embarrassed.
I've explained to dd that she shouldn't write notes in class, (was written during fun free time session) but really- it's not the fucking crime of the century is it? And much better than a hate note?
Is public humiliation the way to go? Should the teacher not have had a word with her in the classroom or in private?

OP posts:
OurPlanetNeptune · 27/03/2012 17:47

Lordy, how humiliating and unnecessary. That teacher is massively wrong. I would definitely complain.

Original poster
lottielou39 · 27/03/2012 17:51

she's got a friend to play at the moment and the friend tells exactly the same story. I've gone it over with them several times and they're adamant that the teacher read out the whole note, including their names. And that the boy in question was totally humiliated. It's him I feel the most for to be honest cos he did absolutely nothing whatsoever, was just on the receiving end!

OP posts:
Original poster
lottielou39 · 27/03/2012 17:54

oh and apparently after the assembly, the teacher took them both aside and asked dd to apologise to the boy (which she did) and then said that she should be ashamed of herself!

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 27/03/2012 17:57

What, for saying she loved him?! What kind of person is this teacher?

MissMogwi · 27/03/2012 17:58

What a massive over reaction to a 'love letter'. Both kids embarrassed probably upset.

I'd be having words at school tomorrow OP.

Longtalljosie · 27/03/2012 17:58

Sorry, that was rhetorical. Clearly she's a freak.

Ample · 27/03/2012 17:58

At nursery school in the 70's, I was singled out in front of the entire school for something I disliked (for dinners Hmm) and the memory has stayed with me ever since.

Your dd most likely won't pass a note in class again but still, to be singled out and humilated... Sad it's just not the way to deal with this situation - any situation.
It speaks volumes about the teacher tbh.
YADNBU. I would take this further. This incident could have a dangerous effect on your dd's self esteem - for the rest of her life.

ilovesooty · 27/03/2012 18:01

I'm a former teacher and I'm appalled.

Original poster
lottielou39 · 27/03/2012 18:04

should I have words with the teacher first or the head?
She leaves this school in July (for middle school) and I'm not sure if I want to rock the boat and get on the wrong side of this teacher for the sake of one more school term, to be honest. But I'm really angry about this. I hate conflict, and would rather not discuss it with the school, but I don't think I have any choice really. I think it was pretty awful.

OP posts:
ifancyashandy · 27/03/2012 18:07

This is how we were 'disciplined' at my school back when Moses were a lad.

It made me hate (and rebel big time) a school that is considered 'fabulous'. I failed there.

I would hit the fecking roof if it were my child.

tethersend · 27/03/2012 18:09

Head first, definitely.

The head needs to know that the teacher is behaving in this way.

CremeEggThief · 27/03/2012 18:36

YANBU. That was a horrible way to deal with it. Your poor DD and the other boy. Could you write the teacher a note to say you heard about what happened, you don't think it's acceptable, and if you don't get a satisfactory response, then ask to see the Head? What is your opinion of the school's ethos in general?

lisaro · 27/03/2012 18:42

If this clearly inadequate person gets away with this what will she do next time? Please - for potentially lots of peoples sakes - report it and make a noise!

TidyDancer · 27/03/2012 18:49

I'd go straight to the HT, this is terrible.

When it's a teaching choice you disagree with, I'd go to the teacher, but this is a conduct issue, and that's one for the HT.

Your poor DD and that little boy. I thought this kind of thing went out when I was at school.

Original poster
lottielou39 · 27/03/2012 19:42

thanks guys. My husband's hopping mad too and we're both going to the HT.

OP posts:
thepeoplesprincess · 27/03/2012 19:45

Jesus! That's horrible :-(

Psammead · 27/03/2012 19:48

YANBU. What an utter bitch/bastard. Humiliating small children. Hope s/he feels very good about themself. FFS.

BulletProof · 27/03/2012 19:50

That's really unnecessary :(

Original poster
lottielou39 · 27/03/2012 20:11

sinced then, she's told me that the teaching assistant asked her to tidy up at the end of day and her teacher said ' I hate that name right now'
Am LIVID.
I've also had a few texts from Mum's of other kids in their year today asking if I'd heard what happened. They were totally shocked about it. Sounds like the teacher totally lost it today.

OP posts:
Original poster
lottielou39 · 27/03/2012 20:11

it's the sort of thing she could get suspended or sacked for, awful.

OP posts:
lisaro · 27/03/2012 20:22

Sorry, lottielou39, I need to correct your last post.

it's the sort of thing she SHOULD get suspended or sacked for, awful.

PullUpAPew · 27/03/2012 20:25

Do update if you get chance OP, I think you and your DH are dead right to go to the head. I would put it in writing if it were me.

Hope all goes well and your DD is not too fazed after a day or two.

Original poster
lottielou39 · 27/03/2012 20:26

my husband has NEVER been to see a teacher about anything (and I very very rarely go in) but this is beyind belief. And I do believe it because it's been backed up by other peoples kids (the Mum's texted me to ask if I knew about it)

OP posts:
Ratbagcatbag · 27/03/2012 20:28

How appalling - It was innocent.
Agree with others that it is bang out of order and she should be in serious trouble for what she has done!!

anothermadamebutterfly · 27/03/2012 20:30

That is horrible - and anyway, what is wrong with writing a letter like that at that age anyway?
I would complain.

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