...to think this teacher should have checked both sides first?

[EyeOfNewtToeOfFrog]

Relations with school are strained at the moment. We think DD (7) has a mild learning disability - the assessment she went through last year highlighted a number of areas she struggles in, but the overall result was "she's very very bright academically, struggles with the social side; has a little bit of this and a little bit of that but not enough for a firm diagnosis of anything."

The school do not seem to understand the test results and expect her to behave exactly the same as any other kid. This leads to problems. We have a communications book that gets written in every day.

Today the teacher called me over and said DD had 'hugged' another child and wouldn't stop when the other child asked her to. Fair enough, that's not on. Then DD piped up and said: "That's not what happened! I was checking XX's muscles!" Well, this may or may not be true - that's not the point.

My question is - AIBU to think the teacher should have at least ATTEMPTED to get DD's side of the story before telling me what had happened? It feels like she's being picked on TBH.

I'm not coping very well with the situation at the moment (there's a whole back story) so it may well be that I'm being overly negative about the whole thing. Please enlighten me & cheer me up somebody!

Bloody hell, EyeOfNewt, that sounds exactly like what happened to my son. [shocked] He was diagnosed with borderline high-functioning ASD last year, and he was really made to suffer for it at his last school. And they were the ones who suggested that we should have him assessed!

In my son's case, the other children took such a delight in winding him up and getting him into trouble that he was completely confused about what he was supposed to have been doing wrong a lot of the time - he was in a permanent state of high anxiety and ended up in a terrible state. And, yes, the teachers did assume that everything was his fault and I spent a long time taking their word for it and trying to discipline him accordingly. It was only when some of the dinner ladies and other parents started to tell me about incidents which were quite clearly not DS1's fault at all that I was able to take it up with the school, and at that point it became clear that they had just completely failed him. Teachers are not the all-knowing, all-seeing Gods that we imagine them to be.

Get your daughter out of there and find a school that will look after her better. Have you tried getting a private diagnosis? Horribly expensive, but much more thorough and far, far quicker. Good luck - it is a horrible situation.

Kids with SN

Nalu, I disagree with you on several points
'if a child is not deemed severe enough to need full time support, they are perfectly capable of following instructions/doing as they are told. '

Depends on the situation, if any key triggers have been tripped, if the child is in an unstructured environment such as a playground or a changing room. Your inflexibility does not bode well for an individual with sn in your care.

'Loving means knowing right from wrong. SN kids have to learn this along with everyone else. Especially in the classroom. Especially as early as they can - or else how on earth will they get through secondary school?'

I agree with establishing boundaries, but some children will take a long time to live by other people's rules if they can't see the point, or even recognise the boundaries. As to how they get on in secondary? Many do so much better that in primary, because of the expertise, less emphasis on being part of the group Gestalt and teachers that tend to be focused on doing their best for the child, rather than

'l love my special needs kids to bits' Weely Weely Twuuly do you?
It's a pity that you are focused on making the child fit the scenario, rather than accommodation and flexibility. Perhaps with more experience, your attitude will broaden a little to accommodate difference rather better.

Give her a break Mrs DeVere, she's not been teaching very long and was an important manager type person before becoming a teacher. So her learning curve is just beginning. Let's hope it is a steep one.

And quick, very quick.

'in MOST situations (unless the child has severe SN and therefore has full time support) if a child is not deemed severe enough to need full time support, they are perfectly capable of following instructions/doing as they are told. '

... because all children who need full time support get it

But a lot of children with SN don't need 1:1 support if the school is prepared to make reasonable accommodations for them, for example my son's school was rigorous about the uniform but gave him permission not to wear the jumper.
He was one of half a dozen that didn't, out of 1,500 children. They adapted the rule to suit the needs of the individual child.

I am shocked to see a teacher posting such rubbish.
you do realise that all sn kids do not get the support they need in ms.

My son didnt have any support in mainstream support.
He certainly was not capable of understanding instruction. He cannot follow instructions of more than two parts even now.
He was not dx with any of his conditions until he was 7.
Nothing boarderline about him.

His teacher insisted that he should be able to cope. Refused to give him homework appropriate to his development. Punished him for not completing it. Didnt put letters in his bag - insisted that the children were being encouraged to be independent and helping them in this way would mollycoddle them.
Insisted on giving verbal information to him to encourage him to try harder to remember.

He missed school trips, non uniform days and I missed meetings and events due to this.

He is in SNS now. Two years of teachers who thought the world of their SN kids was quite enough.

I prefer him to be edcuated by teachers and support staff with actual training and knowledge of SN.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere I think this thread proves yet again why inclusion means exclusion in ms

cornsilksit1 Tue 27-Mar-12 22:40:55
'in MOST situations (unless the child has severe SN and therefore has full time support) if a child is not deemed severe enough to need full time support, they are perfectly capable of following instructions/doing as they are told. '

Oh yeah, and my dd suddenly became able to walk because the school deemed that it would be too much trouble to put her class in a wheelchair accessible classroom?

I have to say that my DS's MS secondary was amazing, the inclusion, individual and appropriate care, the support given and the communication.
Which pisses me off.
If his school of 1500 could do that for him and others in their care, there is no real reason why many other MS schools couldn't offer the same level of provision. His needs weren't complex, but neither are those of many children with SN. They need staff that are flexible, good listeners and prepared to adapt if something isn't working.
DS is now at college, and you know what? They are proving as good so far.

MrsDevere - that sounds about right, sadly. We have paperwork to say DD struggles with Executive Function, so she should be supported with things like remembering to hand in homework, working out if she's playing up because she is struggling with something (she frequently becomes silly instead of asking for help when she's struggling), etc. Instead she is punished with loss of Golden Time for both.

The school have appeared not to even read up on the definition of Executive Function and are doing sweet FA to help her.

It's like telling a dyslexic to buck up and try a bit harder with spellings.

Dustinthewind - it's reassuring to know there are other schools out there who are perfectly capable of accommodating children who are different, statemented or not. It gives me hope.

cory I didn't post that...I was quoting another poster honest! I was disagreeing with her. My ds suffered terribly due to teachers with that attitude.

this is what I posted....

'in MOST situations (unless the child has severe SN and therefore has full time support) if a child is not deemed severe enough to need full time support, they are perfectly capable of following instructions/doing as they are told. '

... because all children who need full time support get it

...quoting honest!

My DS hasn't got a statement either.

Dust, we've had the same experience with dd's physical disability: virtually nothing seemed possible in her junior school, at secondary level suddenly anything is possible. And I know how much is in place at the local university because I work there.

Nordic hello, cory!

Corny, I quoted the same bit in my post.

cornsilksit1 Tue 27-Mar-12 23:02:03
"cory I didn't post that...I was quoting another poster honest! I was disagreeing with her. My ds suffered terribly due to teachers with that attitude."

Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to include your name; that was just carelessness with the cursor, I knew it wasn't you.

No statement, dust? That's amazing! And you still got good support?

On one memorable occassion his teacher took me aside and asked me I could 'do something about that eczema over the weekend'

Apparently it was distressing for him and the TA to see DS suffer so much.

Obviously this gave me the push I needed to come up with a cure for atopic eczema and I am now a well known, hugely rich, dematologist

DS was given homework asking him to write four sentences using similies.
DS was unable to write or recognise his own name at this point.

I am really glad that some people have positive experiences of mainstream and I think that all children should be educated together.
I do not feel i can take the chance with DS again.