To tell this mum to bugger off

[Midnightmoon]

or something along those lines.
I went to pick up Dd1 from school today, I had Dd2 in the buggy and Ds holding the back 'helping'. We were waiting outside and one mum came up to me and started talking. I had never really seen her before though I'd heard she was a gossip, I thought I'd give her the benefit of the doubt as I didn't know her. She had a Ds around the same age as mine and both Dss went off to the playground which is enclosed and we could see them both.
She asked me if I had the car, I said 'Oh No walking today, I'm on ML so we have been walking when it doesn't rain'. She asked where I worked and why I had to use the car. I explained that if I didn't use the car I wouldn't be able to reach the school in time to get Dd.
She asked did we have internet in our house. I said yes, she told me how evil it was.
She asked why my Ds was running around 'so much' (He was running just like her son and like most 2 year olds) so I said he was just playing. She said its because your son has ADHD. I just said well yes he has it but he was just being a normal child. I asked who told her that. she said 'oh around' and shrugged. She then blamed it all on Tv and sugar. Which her children don't even ask for anymore.
She asked where my Dh was. I said he was working. She said 'well if you are a single mum it's okay to share I won't judge and your kids are clean not like X's mum' I said I didn't want too know about X's mum and I wasn't a single mum so it didn't matter anyway.
She asked how old my Dd1 was so I told her she was five and she said oh you must of been young when you had her. She then went on to say but you had a Ds before that didn't you so you were a teenage mother.
I said that was none of her business. She asked if my Dh was the dad too all my Dc's then. I said yes he was and then moved away from her.
She tried too follow me and when she caught up asked
So what happened to your first Ds then, he died didn't he.
I told her too go away as I was not talking about my personal life with her.
She said Oh well it must be a hard thing to talk about. Should I get you a number for a therapist.
The children then came out so I collected Dd1 and Ds and left.
Dh thinks I should of told her to go to hell.
So should I next time?

TO not TOO

And yes you should've told her TO fuck off.....

Is she a Health Visitor?
I only ask because she sounds exactly like my HV.
Your conversation sounds like my booking in visit after I had DC4.

Just at how someone can be that inept! Nosy gossip doesn't even begin to cover it. You endured far more than I would have done. I'd have made an excuse to walk quickly in a different direction after the ADHD part... I think you'd be perfectly reasonable to tell her to bugger off the next time she comes anywhere near you!

Wow, some people are just unbelievable. Does she have mental health issues? Well done for not reacting, I probably would have lost it and told her to do one way before she hit peak crazy but i'm a miserable cow.
I would definitely not be so polite if she tries anything like that again. Hope you are ok OP.

What a wanker! Im shocked.

So sorry to hear about your son Do you mind if i ask what happened? That must have been so hard for you both.

she must have mental health issues
no one can think that is ok
i wouldnt tell her tobugger off-try asking HER lots of really personal/private/insensitive questions?

Even if she is somewhere along the "social inept spectrum" I dont think that means rudeness to that degree is ok.
Another time I would ask her politely to "please go away"

I wonder if she is at all aware how she comes across to others (I suspect NOT!) - must be difficult for her to make and keep friends

She must have mental health problems of some kind or another - no one in their right mind would come out with the ADHD comments or the reference to your first born son..... would they ...

Unless she belongs to some strange bible thumping religious sect.....

Maybe your crazy MIL sent her?

Whether she is unhinged or simply incredibly rude, agree that the thing to do is say 'Do you know how rude that sounds?' and walk away, if it happens again. Well done you for keeping your act together. I'd have been stratospheric with rage.

I just read that again I am so angry for you I would actually in your position tell the other mums what happened they may not admit it at the time but may bring some shane on them for haring to a horrible woman i.e

'someone awful person has beeing gossiping about my late ds and ds's adhd, came and started being very nasty about them both I can't believe anyone would do something so evil'

you may get a few guilty looks.

she does sound like she has ishoos beyond the realm of normality to me. If she attempts to speak to you again just say 'im sorry, but i dont want to discuss this and you are being very rude' and walk away.

if she persists then i reckon its perfectly acceptable to tell her to fuck off!

Very, very strange, and soooo rude. Steer clear in future. YANBU.

I can't believe these awful people exist - I hope I never meet one of them!

Is this for real? How did she fit so many insults into one conversation?

"social inept spectrum" ?

She sounds a right one!

I'm sorry to hear what she said about your first child. She sounds slightly sinister to me, I'd steer clear.

She sounds like she has some mental health issues tbh. I'm sorry she upset you :(

Avoid avoid avoid.

I wouldn't tell her to fuck off, just in case she does have real mental health issues and struggles with boundaries etc it's hard to know isn't it. If she was mentally well then I think 'fuck off' would be reasonable - but you have no way of knowing.

Do you think she did it for a dare?

Chipping in- if she has mental health issues then you think "fuck off" would be a reasonable thing to say? Really?

Oops sorry, chippingin, just reread your post. Please note time of post! Also 'mentally well' is not a phase I'm used to so I think my brain filled in the gaps

I agree with ChippingIn - We have a mum like this at our school and she has upset parents and teachers. Two mothers have infact told her exactly to fuck off, but I truly believe she has MH issues and little comprehension of boundaries. The school had to ask her to stay off school grounds for a period of time.

I'm gobsmacked that anyone could be so...I don't even know how I would describe that kind of behaviour! Well done for keeping your cool OP, I'm not sure I could have.

I too have 'nutter magnet' stapled to my head.

There used to be a woman at the school gates, who quite clearly, shall we say, suffered with some learning difficulties.

The first time, she sidled up to me and came out with the unforgettable phrase "The DNA test was negative" ! Then was regaled with the entire story of how she met this bloke in a night club blah blah .... the saga went on for weeks until she got a DNA test that proved the bloke was the father of the baby.

I managed to avoid her by using a different gate - which she then started using. Then she started telling me about her college work - dragging out folders to show me she'd passed her entry level maths tests.

So I was right in my first assumption she had LDs, was barely literate and numerate.

I was quite stunned when she told me she'd landed employment in the job centre. "yippee" I thought, I won't have to put up with this for much longer. And she started using the same childminder.

Some people, for whatever reson, have absolutely no social boundaries about what is acceptable in polite conversation.