to say actually, no, your DS has not been well behaved?

[grumblinalong]

I have DS1's friend here (as a favour to his mum, past experience has taught me not to volunteer to offer to have him for tea) and his behaviour is a nightmare. In the past hour he has continually slammed the glass living room door, taunted younger ds2 relentlessly, keeps calling the 9 month old baby ugly, trashed ds1's room and shouted rude words in our street. DS1 is desperately trying to get him to stop bouncing on the sofas and watch a dvd. DS looks really worried

I keep telling him off and it is literally like I don't exist, he looks straight through me. His lovely mum will undoubtedly ask how he has been. AIBU to say actually his behaviour has left alot to be desired?

How old is he?

Tell her the truth, as nicely as possible.

I wouldn't say anything in front of the child, but would call the mother afterwards and speak to her privately. Don't know why, but that's what I would do!

He's nearly 9. Just been in living room and he's lying under the sofa cushions. On my dirty sofa bottom bit Aaaarrrrrggggh.

Of course say something. She can't deal with it if she doesn't know about it.

She will no doubt be embarrassed but would be IMO more embarressed to find out later that he was a horror but didn't do anything about it (because she didn't know).

Hmm. Personally I wouldn't tell her, but he would never come again, favour or not.
IME, dc tend to behave better for others than for their parents, so I wouldn't be convinced that telling her would do anything apart from cause bad feelings between you.

I'd say be honest. When she asks you could say something like "Actually, we have not had a very good day. X has been....."

I would want to know, if I were his mother - politely and with understanding, of course. At 9, he should certainly know how to behave when in others' homes and I would be mortified if I thought he thought he could get away with such behaviour just because I wasn't there.

This child is 9 years old, tell the mother and tell her in front of the children.

One way you could do it is ask the child first "How do you think you've been behaved x?" and then you can follow up with your comments afterwards.

His behaviour seems totally out of control tbh. His mum seems desperate for him and ds1 to be friends so she keeps inviting ds1 round. Which is hard for me as I feel like I should reciprocate.

What random said.

I'd be mortified and raging if I thought a child of mine behaved like that anywhere!
I'd maybe answer the inevitable question about behaviour by saying something along the lines of " well there have been some issues...."

well, I would tell him straight away that I was going to call his mum if he didn't stop right now. If carried on I'd call her and ask her to come and get him. Have you given DS and the friend something constructive to do? I find that my DS and his mates will rampage if I don't suggest something definite to occupy them!!

But what Random said is much better!

Oh yes, I'd tell the mum too of course when she comes to collect him.

random good idea. Think I will. I need to get a bit of courage though beforehand.

suburb just told them to go play football in the garden.

I would definitely however I am the mum that took a playdate home in the middle of dinner after he told me to fuck off at the table.

I would want to know if my DS had behaved that way (well I wouldn't but ykwim!) so think you should tell her.

But right now I would go into the lounge tell him what you expect of him, make it clear he abides by your rules or your not going to invite him around again and will be telling his mum exactly why.

Phone the mum up and ask her to collect him asap, tell her 2 examples of what he has done you can fill her in with the rest when she arrives. Why should you and your children have to put up with that? He sounds dreadful, poor you tell the little darling to get his things together he will be going home asap.

I would definitely say something. Of course she already knows how dreadful his behaviour is and is hoping spending time with your DS will rub off on him.

How are things between the 2 boys? Is your DS picking up any of this behaviour?

well done insanity

DS1 is fine but DS2 is getting a bit manic with it...but he's 4. I've just told him one more telling off and I'm phoning his mum.

Oh yes, definitely tell her.

I picked my daughter up from a playdate a little while ago and the Mum told me that my daughter had been quite badly behaved and unkind to her daughter. I was very pleased she told me as I was able to give dd a bloody rocket, could apologise to the Mum, dd apologised to the other little girl and the girls are friends again now and all is well (with my continual monitoring).

If she hadn't told me I wouldn't have known, dd would have thought she could get away with behaving like that (and on other playdates too perhaps?), and I would have probably been left wondering why the other mum was making excuses and avoiding the girls playing together.