to say actually, no, your DS has not been well behaved?

[grumblinalong]

I have DS1's friend here (as a favour to his mum, past experience has taught me not to volunteer to offer to have him for tea) and his behaviour is a nightmare. In the past hour he has continually slammed the glass living room door, taunted younger ds2 relentlessly, keeps calling the 9 month old baby ugly, trashed ds1's room and shouted rude words in our street. DS1 is desperately trying to get him to stop bouncing on the sofas and watch a dvd. DS looks really worried

I keep telling him off and it is literally like I don't exist, he looks straight through me. His lovely mum will undoubtedly ask how he has been. AIBU to say actually his behaviour has left alot to be desired?

Oh sorry, she's at work. Still advocate telling her exactly how he's been, though.

I do think it's quite common for some children to have a manic half hour or hour after school finishes - it's all that effort they have to put into sitting still and behaving at school. I used to find (especially with boys) that if I took them to the park and ran them (like dogs ) they were calmer when I got them home. I'd also get a bit of food into them, to keep them going until meal time.

Which is not to say that this little boy hasn't behaved badly, and yes I would tell his mum, in a very upfront manner, but it might just be excess energy rather than him being a 'naughty' boy.

If you feel you can pluck up the courage to say something I would.

Personally I think I would find it hard to tell someone their child has been a little shit however having said that if it were my child that had misbehaved I would want to know so that I could do something about it and preferably before everyone started avoiding us and it impacted negatively on him making / having good friends outside of school.

I just sent ds's 10 year old friend home! He's a hyper squawking rude wee keech and my nerves can't stand it right now.
Don't get me wrong, ds is no angel but this kid brings out the worst in him

I had this situation when DSs were little, I looked after a friends very DS, also friend of my eldest DS. He was badly behaved. When she came to collect him he was upstairs in trashing the bedroom. While he was upstairs she asked how he had been so I told her the truth. She called him down and challenged him. They left immediately. Within the hour I had a call from friend saying her DS wanted to speak to me. He apologised! But didn't come unaccompanied again. Did get some nice from the parents though.

I have said tell her but TBH I am one of those parents who would want to know but the hard work DC's I've had over I have not told their parents.

It does make me wonder if those of us who would want to know have better behaved DC's at others because we do ask and do deal with incidents if/ when they occur? My DS has been no angel on all visits to friends houses but knows what he can and can't do and has been told he will not be invited back if he's badly behaved.

I always asked how my DS was but one particular place he went to play I stopped asking the mum because she would just say DS did this and that (and wasn't anything bad or out of the ordinary) Her DS broke my chair when he came here. but it was an accident of course!

I would want to know how my child behaved. I wouldn't want you ranting at me but a honest calm " actually he's been a nightmare because ....."

It will upset her but I think once calmer she'll think of other instances and realise she has to do something about his behaviour.

I'm with starlight and old mum. As the mother of a child with autism, and good friend to a woman whose 7 year old has only just been diagnosed as on the spectrum, it may be that he has some SN. Tell his mother the truth, she needs to know. My DS is too young for playdates, but my friend's son (who does all the stuff you say this boy does, and more!) goes to friends' houses occasionally (not usually asked back a second time!) and my friend needs to know the truth to tell paediatrician /doc / camhs. Or this kid could simply be a rude little shit. Either way, be honest.

Well she has been and gone. I did tell her he was very difficult to begin with and I asked him how he thought his behaviour had been and he replied 'Fine'. I also told her it was strange he didn't react when I told him off. She was a bit shocked but went quite quiet about it, which has left me wondering if I did the right thing now...

I think those of you who are saying he may need an assessment may be right. I never broach this with parents though due to the nature of my job. I don't want them thinking I am trying to analyse their child. I'm not. I, in a roundabout way, asked her if she thought there was a big difference in maturity to my DS and hers and she said there was.

DS2 is now behaving badly so I'll have to go.

Ds had a friend who was naughty and rude and his parents couldnt see it at all. He was 4/5 at the time though. I didnt say anything.

In your situation i would, but be nice, shell probably be devastated, i know i would be. My ds is 5 and if he did / said One of those things youve listed I would be beyond furious and hed know why and would never have behaved like this and believe me, he is NO angel.

I would definitely say so-in a friendly way.

It would be made easier in that I would have already told the DC that I would call his mother to take him home if he didn't do as he was told.

Well done. It is hard having these conversations but I think you have done the right thing. Don't worry to much about her reaction, as this thread demonstrates, people aren't always hinest about these things so she is probably a little shocked to get honest feedback. Give her a chance to digest and see how she is.

Definitely tell her, then come back and tell us.

Insanity, good for you.

I sometimes look after a child whose behaviour is known to be problematic.

His mother always asks me how his behaviour has been and I always tell her honestly. Her son is actually pretty good for me as I lay out clear boundaries and enforce them so he knows there will be consequences as he has incurred them in the past.

My house, my rules I'm afraid. His mother was mortified but it was a knee jerk reaction. Nobody speaks to me like that not least a nine year old boy. I didn't shout just told him I didn't allow anyone to speak like that in my house and he needed to put down his knife and fork get his coat and shoes because I was taking him home that minute. I have two with autism, I'm not naive on behaviour and he definitely had no SN although maybe a touch of PFB

Well done for saying something it can't have been easy, hopefully she will use the information in a positive way!

Very important to be honest in this situation, or you are making her job much harder. He can't be allowed to think it is OK.

I never heard of that special need where a child is a little shit at someone else's house but an angel at home so the mother would have no idea.

I had a nightmare child once, said nothing when his mum collected him but as soon as the door shut I told DS that this kid was never coming again, exactly why etc. A few weeks later my friend was collecting my DS and bringing him back to mine when the mum of badly behaved boy approached and tried to convince her that the boys would love to play together and she should bring her son back to mine too. DS then told her, word for word, just how awful I thought her child was and how he was never allowed in our house again because he was so foul. I wasn't sure whether to or .

I would want to know. Just yesterday we had an incident with DS (who is in kindy) where he wouldn't leave the play equipment after the bell signaling the end of lunch sounded. The teacher on duty, who happens to be my DD's teacher, had to drag him off. Another teacher came out and told her " just give up, that kid is uncontrollable". He is a fairly easygoing, tolerant sort of person so for him to say that means quite a lot. I am perfectly aware that he is naughty ( he's not bad - not a bully) and I have been talking to his class teacher who said that everything is okay but I had no idea that they might be having issues with him in the playground before yesterday. According to my son, he is nothing short of an angel so he will not tell me if he has got in trouble. I really rely on others telling me so that I can deal with any problems effectively.