to feel like I have just messed it all up with my baby ds

[rosycheeksmum]

He is 3 months old and just breastfed. I have fed him on demand during the day and at night, and now he just wants to feed all night and won't sleep in his own bed as I often fall asleep feeding him in our bed.

I suppose it's comments from family that are getting me down, you can tell they think I've ruined him and created a child who won't sleep when 'he should be starting to sleep through the night by now'.

I won't leave him to cry which is the other suggestion, that I just 'need to be tough with him and teach him to sleep in his own bed' - I don't want to be tough with my very small baby! But I feel v down today and as if I started off with a good sleeper and through my own bad habit of falling asleep with him (I try so hard not to do this, even go on MN on my phone to keep me awake at night but sometimes even if I'm sitting up it just overcomes me) i have ended up with a difficult baby and have really mucked things up. :(

I'm sure you're doing fine. Listen to your baby and you and then you're doing the best for DS - not what family tell you.

I bf DD on demand until 8 months old and now at 21 months she sleeps through like a dream...I had the same feelings as you on many occassions but when you think about the alternative you realise that you're doing your best.

your baby is just that a little baby and you are fulfilling his needs and sleeping is important for everybody , dont listen to what others moan about , do what you feel is right for you and your baby ,

When dd1 was born someone told me a great bit of advice. When you're not sure what to do wrt to your DC stop and think about it. You do know the answer, you just need to trust yourself enough to go with it. And bugger everyone else.

So when other people tell you what they think you should be doing smile sweetly, nod or say something non-commital and think to yourself "oh do fuck off, there's a love"

3 months is nothing and you aren't spoiling him. You're doing what a mum does and being there when he needs you. And it's highly unlikely you'll look back and wish you'd let him cry on his own more. It would be much,much worse to look back at these early months and think you didn't cuddle him enough.

You're doing a fabulous job. Be proud of yourself!

I do agree that when babies want and need comfort during the night they should get it but OP, that isnt an unavoidable state of affairs. You dont have to be up during the night to give your baby all they need.

It is impossible to spoil such a small baby and there are a world of changes to go through in just the next six months alone. You have not ruined anything and have not made a rod for your own back.

You have created a secure little child and from that you can create anything because without that you have nothing!

Try to close your ears to people with opinions like you mention - they are not living your life, they are not you and ultimately you want your child to know his mum and not someone else's mum.

I think you are doing brilliantly and will look back on this and be glad you had that closeness. My ds was similar and is a brilliant sleeper who can self-settle no problem, our bond of trust is very deep and he will follow me to the moon and back if I say so because we are so deeply connected.

A very small baby is not designed to sleep all night it needs to eat as the little tummy cannot hold enough till morning, tho there will always be exceptions to the rule.

Please look at yourself and give yourself a well done for caring so well for your son and then relax, none of this will matter in another few months.

BlueFergie - that's a good method. :)

just watching DD now - she's been asleep for about an hour.

that's after having been awake most of the morning part of the night.

at night, she feeds to get to sleep (obviously apart from last night, when feeding was just an excuse to writhe around scratching herself all over), but in the day, she kind of whine-moans for a while.
Of course, in the day, i can use my foot to rock her chair and still get on with stuff.
can't do that at night (cos of the sleeping mummy thing)

needs must and it'll all work itself out in time :)