to feel like I have just messed it all up with my baby ds

[rosycheeksmum]

He is 3 months old and just breastfed. I have fed him on demand during the day and at night, and now he just wants to feed all night and won't sleep in his own bed as I often fall asleep feeding him in our bed.

I suppose it's comments from family that are getting me down, you can tell they think I've ruined him and created a child who won't sleep when 'he should be starting to sleep through the night by now'.

I won't leave him to cry which is the other suggestion, that I just 'need to be tough with him and teach him to sleep in his own bed' - I don't want to be tough with my very small baby! But I feel v down today and as if I started off with a good sleeper and through my own bad habit of falling asleep with him (I try so hard not to do this, even go on MN on my phone to keep me awake at night but sometimes even if I'm sitting up it just overcomes me) i have ended up with a difficult baby and have really mucked things up. :(

A baby doesn't think they are abandoned and left when they are put into their cot - what a ridiculous thing to say. Cots are where babies are supposed sleep surely???

It is normal to have them in with you BF etc if thats what you want to do but it is also normal to feed them in a nursing chair and then put them into their cot in their nursery.

You are listening to your baby and responding to his needs. Feeding on demand, co-sleeping and not leaving the baby to cry are in the Attachment Parenting style - i.e. the opposite to the Gina Ford style which sounds more like what your family are suggesting.

To add to what oldmum42 has said - I think that is the advice everywhere not just Scotland and it makes total sense, unfortunately for us our room was too small to have a cot or crib in our room so once they outgrew the moses basket we had no choice. I think what a lot of people are talking about in this thread is co-sleeping - totally different!

Gina Ford is the complete extreme though - I doubt many people follow her ideas to the book!

This is completely normal, particularly at around 3 months when they have the first of many growth spurts.

Paradoxically, the more you cuddle your baby, at this stage, the better he will sleep as he will be sure of comfort being there when he needs it. It's only at about 5-6 months that he will need to learn to settle himself, and even then it's normal for a bit of fussing to take place until they are a year old or so.

This is a good link to do with co-sleeping and WHO advice. It's not dangerous for bf mothers to do this if they approach it correctly (i.e. no pillows or duvets near baby, curl your body around baby's, keep bedding light, don't do it if stoned or drunk).

www.unicef.org.uk/BabyFriendly/Resources/Resources-for-parents/Sharing-a-Bed-With-Your-Baby/

Can anyone find a PDF of the special WHO leaflet with the diagrams for co-sleeping, btw? I can't remember where I last saw it.

I think you are fantastic! breastfeeding on demand is totally exhausting. Your baby is a very lucky little baby.

my 14mth old still feeds on demand day and night - we now cosleep - he is fine and everyone comments on what a contented little boy he is

You haven't mucked things up - you're doing what works for you and your DS.

My DD was like this at 3 months, and only started sleeping through at 6 months, and only reliably at 9 months.

Don't listen to others and let it get you down, do what works best for you - and well done on sticking with breast feeding so far.

my son was like that, i breastfed and coslept.

now come to the school gate, no hugs or kisses in front of his friends because it embarrassing

You haven't done anything wrong.

I find that the older generation remember things with rose tinted glasses. They often swear that their children were sleeping through at 6 weeks, weren't fussy eaters, potty trained before 12 months, never tantrummed... [hmmm]

The 3 month olds who sleep through are a small minority. I have 3 kids and only one was sleeping through at 3 months and she developed sleep problems at 12 months ish. Despite what others say most babies will be waking up at night.

My boys were very unsettles at 3 months and this continued until the 4 month growth spurt at 18 weeks ish. I carried them in a sling for all the hours that I was awake and they were both great sleepers by 7 months-ish.

The older generation were told to leave babies to cry it out. Modern day research shows that this is damaging to babies under 6 months so when family give you a hard time, nod politely and ignore them- you're clearly a loving mum and don't a fab job.

Well if you messed it up then so did I with both of mine. Don't let other people make you feel you are doing anything wrong, you're not! The best thing I ever bought was bedside cot where one side comes right down so that the cot is like a wee extension of your bed. I used to feed lying down so would pull DS or DD towards me, feed them and stick them back over into their cot. They slept in there, felt close to me, I felt close to them. All happy!

If it works for you, fine. If it doesn't, there is advice out there from people who have done it differently and it worked for them

Thanks everyone, you've made me feel much better and not such a failure. I do feed him lying down but just have a horror of squashing him!

You can't "ruin" a three month old baby. Many of us have had breasfed babies this age who simply wanted to be attached and actually, this is pretty much as nature intended. We've "evolved" into a society that assumes tiny little babies will be happy to lead almost separate lives but in truth, the natural instinct of a baby to feel secure close to its mother remains as strong as ever.

Just go with what feels right to you at the moment. Your baby will grow and develop in his own time and trust me, I know nobody who has grown to adulthood unable to sleep in their own bed or go to work without taking their mother's lap with them to sit on!

it's highly unlikely you'll squash him- the way your bodies curl around each other naturally means you're protecting him.
:)

Do you want to co sleep? If you do then keep doing what you are doing. All that matters is what suits you and your baby. If you would rather not co sleep then I can offer you a bit of advice. I co slept at the start with all mine. Not a conscious decision but like you I fed lying down and fell asleep so by default they spent a lot of time in our bed.
I didn't have strong feelings either way but DH really dint want us co sleeping long term so this is what we did. Always started the cot. Do last evening feed and down in cot. Once they woke I took them into bed. DH set alarm on phone for an hour or so later and put it under his pillow. Baby and I fell asleep. DH hears wakes later, gets up and moves baby to cot. Repeat for each feed. As they started night in cot, once they started dropping feeds they spent longer there.
Worked for three of mine. So just if you did want to move away from co sleeping.

DS2 is 1 next month and still sleeps with us and feeds at night. DH is surprisingly more pro co sleeping than I expected (it's his first DC). He says he loves DS being in with us so since it is not creating any problems other than catsbums from well meaning folk we are continuing till DS naturally grows out of it. DS1 was 15 months old when he had his own bed and own room and he slept fine because he was ready.

My DS is the same age as yours, I treat him the same as yours, he sleeps really well. By which I mean to say - it's not your parentings fault!

I would recommend establishing a difference between day and night (so we have pjs and grobag from 7pm, things get a bit quieter/darker etc) but other than that babies are just different. They start to sleep independently whenever they want to do it, not when you want them to. So you can either battle them and stress yourself out or just wait and see.

Lack of sleep is horrible though, even if you don't intend to co-sleep it helps if you're prepared for safe co-sleeping that way it won't matter if you DO fall asleep feeding, just put baby back in their cot whenever you wake up.

sounds like youve been a lovely attentive mummy to me. You will NEVER regret cuddling him and feeding him lots when he gets older. How you are bringing up your baby is how i intend to do mine, lots of feeding and squeezing on demand. Ignore other peopl, there are too many idiots who think that successful parenting means packing baby off and keeping it out of sight for as many hours a day as possible, how sad. Who cares if your baby sleeps in your bed? As long as you all get some sleep, why not.
Big hugs, youre doing fab.

Don't have time to read the whole thread, but Sleeping through the night at 3 months is incredibly rare (I'm due today and still hoping that DC2 will do just that, but wistfully). Ignore them, you CAN NOT, repeat CAN NOT spoil a baby that age and all research points to not 'toughening' them up (what utter bollocks) either.

You're doing just fine. good luck and follow your instinct, not theirs. Who wants to raise a child who is obnoxious enough to fire out crap advice to people?(presumably how they were all raised).