To say no to my idea of hell.

[deemented]

Five Children. Manshapes ex. One caravan. For a whole week.

I did it last year, although with only four kids as i was pregnant, but that was enough. I was very very glad to come home.

I dont want to do it again.

That sounds horrendous! Yanbu, why does his ex come along to your family holiday?

That's hell in a caravan. Just say NO.

Ha - it's not our family holiday.

His ex applies to the family fund for a holiday as their son has autism, and they give her vouchers. She insists that manshape go with them as DSS is a handful and she can't manage on her own wonders how she manages for the other 51 weeks of the year and because there is plenty of room in the caravan she invites my children and i along too. But she tells my kids all about it before asking me, so that i look like a cunt badguy if i say no.

Whilst i appreciate the offer as theres no way we could afford to go away, i don't find it a holiday at all. I'd much rather stick pins in my eyes being truthful.

Blimey that sounds terrible!

YANBU!
Don't do that again.

Sorry Xposted.

Still think it sounds like a bad time though!

YANBU. Sounds hellish.

Although...what about us? We'd all love your daily updates from the holiday from hell.

It's for the greater good.

Oh dear God no. There's no way on earth that I would or could ever do that.

Good God, YANBU at all.

nope. id put foot firmly down on this one. why not tell him to go with the kids and say you will just stay at home for some quality one to one time with the baby.

thats what i would do.

Sounds horrible. Why can't everyone else go, leaving you at home for peace and relaxation so you can catch up on all those annoying little things that never get done?

so your dh + children go and you can have a relaxing time at home. sounds perfect to me

Don't some autistic children struggle with changes to routine? So this could be behind their son being harder to 'manage' on the holiday week than the rest of the year.

TBH, all those caravan holidays with extended family in my childhood have somewhat skewed my opinion of caravan holidays, and I would be reaching for my bargepole. . Couldn't he and the children join her for the week, leaving you to a peaceful and relaxing week with just yourself and the baby? Win-win ...

Manshape and i are just in the middle of a blazing row about this. I'll come back to the thread in a mo.

She mustn't manipulate your kids by telling them about it before asking you. That's out of order!

I agree with others who say send the kids with your partner.

Where did you all sleep last time?!?

You'd at least need your own caravan!

Actually I would want this one knocked firmly on the head. It isn't appropriate for him to go either - perhaps especially without you - it isn't what most separated parents do, espcially ones with new families. And presumably yes it's the change in routine that upsets his son if he has autism.

A more usual and appropriate way to organise holidays is that YOU and YOUR family go away - which of course FULLY INCLUDES his DS - so in taking him away you give his mum respite.

I would suggest that you tell your DM (Dear Manshape) to turn this down for ALL of you and suggest that she ask a friend with children to go with her on this particular break. That is a far healthier way for things to move forward.

Oh and no worries about her telling your kids - you simply smile and say something like 'Well we won't be doing that because we have our own big plans for the summer holidays.'

Don't let that manipulate you - and brush it off this time and she won't try it again anyway.

Totally inappropriate!!

Sounds like hell, and something I would rather die than endure.

But speaking as someone whose manshape has a similarly complicated family set up, I would sadly venture to suggest that really, YABU... you do need to support the manshape by going along with this one.

But is there anything you could request that might make it manageable? A friend? Plenty of wine?

I think spending a week in caravan sounds hellish, regardless of who with.

But I think your partner needs to muck in and help with his son for a week of the year to give his ex a bit of a break (is the son normally resident full time with his mum?) whether that's with you and your children or alone.

Why was it so bad last year?

Why is your husband's exwife in contact with YOUR children anyway?
I would refuse to go. I wouldn't be keen for my husband to go away with his ex and kids but wouldn't refuse to let him (although there is no way he would go, if they got on well they wouldn't be divorced). Agree he could take your kids (are they also his kids) if you and they are happy with that.
She should have either friends or family to go away with though. taking your exhusband on holiday to look after your kid isn't sensible.
I agree the alternative is that your husband uses the family fund money to take his son away with all of you. his ex doesn't get to come though because she isn't part of your family.
Your husband needs to accept he is no longer with his exwife but with you. Co-parenting with your ex does not normally mean joint holidays.

I remember your thread last year I think!