is this really what people do these days?

[Megatron]

DS was due to go to a party this afternoon but unfortunately has had the most horrible stomach bug since Tuesday and is totally washed out, still not eating etc. I knew yesterday that he wouldn't be going so I rang the party lads mum and told her, offered to pay for his place as it was a Laser party and I knew was £12 a head, she accepted, all fine. I passed their house last night so put the money through her door.

So this morning I receive a text from her to ask me if I will be dropping off her sons birthday present today . I text back saying no I won't, I'll give it to her when I see her at school, hope party goes well etc. Half an hour later she turns up at my door as 'she was passing' for her sons present. I was mortified. The present was sitting on the bookcase in the hall but it wasn't wrapped (as I always do that about 4 seconds before I leave for the party). I know this is petty but really? Am I incredibly old fashioned or is this normal manners these days?

Well thank god it's not me then!

Chipping your comment made me laugh so much, I am a magnet for weird people, always have been since I was a kid! My sister says they seek me out wherever I go and DH can be a bit nervous when we go out anywhere 'in case anything odd happens as usual'.

That is the weirdest behaviour I have ever heard of. I dont even expect presents from attendees (although it's usual, I wouldn't expect it as a God given right- I'd hate to think anyone felt obliged to spend their last fiver on a present for example), never mind people who don't come.

Completely unbelievable! Especially after you had paid for your child's place. I just can't understand how anyone could be that cheeky.

At my toddler's last birthday party, there was one refusal due to prior arrangements, and three cancellations on the day, and at least three of those people gave a gift the next time we met up, as they'd already bought something specifically for him. I thought that was really sweet, especially for the person that already had plans.

That did make me wonder a little about one guest, who accepted the invite really late then cancelled on the day with about an hour's notice - it crossed my mind that she never actually intended to come. Perhaps I should call and ask where the present is? ;)

And as others have said, not everyone can afford a gift and the party isn't about that - is it?

I only give a birthday present if they have actually attended the party.

Definitely not the done thing, think she's got a screw loose. When did she have to confirm the numbers with the laser place?

It was very rude of her and not the done thing as far as I'm aware.

If a child couldn't come to a party I wouldn't expect you to pay let alone buy and giftwrap a present.

Wow that's very rude! I can't see why she accepted your payment either. Can't help dc's (or anyone) being ill, it happens! V rude

OMFG!

Had no idea, pre MN, that people like that existed!

I thought that when a parent phoned to say that their child couldn´t attend due to illness, the only response was to pass on best wishes & hope that they are better soon!

Me neither diddle-amazingly rude!

Send a request for a present instead of an invite for your ds's next party, and explain that having paid for your ds's non-attendance at this one, you're already in credit? Might appeal to her weird sense of logic, although sometimes these oddballs have a totally different take on what's acceptable when it's turned back on themselves.

PLEASE text and ask her when she's dropping off your son's party bag OP.

Oh gosh, I am squirming for her, what awful behaviour! How embarrassing. If it had been my DS's party I would not have accepted your offer to pay for the place (although it was very sweet of you to offer) and wouldn't have dreamed of asking for a present

To the poster who said she sometimes doesn't take her DD to parties because they can't afford a present :( I would feel dreadful if a child didn't come to DS's party for that reason. I think, materialistic weirdoes aside, most people wouldn't mind at all if you didn't take a present and would in fact secretly be thanking you for not adding to the ever-growing pile of plastic junk.

That's really odd.

DS1 used to go to a school with a very deprived catchment area. Very few of the children would ever accept a birthday party invitation from us and I'm pretty certain it was because they couldn't afford a present. I always wished they'd just send the kids anyway, with or without a present, just so DS1 could have a proper party with more than a couple of kids at it but I could totally understand why they didn't. I really couldn't care less about presents, so I'm amazed that someone wold turn up at a non-attendee's door demanding one. (I also wouldn't have accepted the OP's money for the place; paying for unused places is one of th risks you take when you organise a birthday party).

That is incredible! How nice of you to offer to pay for the place but there is no way she should have accepted.

My jaw dropped about the present, that is unbelievable! How rude! I have had children actually come to our parties without presents and there is no way I would chase them for let alone someone who didn't come.

Wow and I was moaning last year because people were late in telling me whether or not they were coming! Puts it in perspective.

x

Yes AKMD: I would defnitely be relieved at not adding to the piles of plastic junk in my house. A birthday party invitation should mean that you are looking for someone to come and celebrate with you, not that you want them to buy you something.

However, I can see why people wouldn't want semi-strangers to know that they can't afford a present. Maybe the best thing would be if it wasn't conventional for everyone to have to buy a birthday present at all. Then maybe my mother people would stop buying enormous plastic things that I have no room for.

Every time I read one of these amazing grabby threads on MN I think I'm just too soft, I need to be a bit more hard nosed and get asking for stuff.

Think of all the presents I've missed out on due to not just going round and demanding them!

We did specifically say 'no presents' to friends and family for DS's last birthday. He's only 2 and he got so much for Christmas that he was completely overwhelmed and was still opening presents a week later. Most people were relieved but some still bought presents, which was fine.

WTF
It was incredibly generous of you to offer to pay. I wouldn't have, I'd expect the host simply to grab another friend, sibling or siblings friend.

DD2 chased off the weekend because someone was ill and there was extra space in the car on her friends birthday trip.
(no embarrassment because DDs Y6 class had all worked out who's turn it was to go, they are insanely organised).

I've delivered gifts for parties we couldn't attend, but only for close friends who'd get one even if they weren't having a party or where the gift is very specific.

Asking for or coming to collect a gift is just wrong!!!

AArggh!!! agree with the others - I wouldn't expect you to pay for a place if your son was ill and I would not DREAm of asking for a pressie, or horror of horrors, turning up at your house to get a pressie - cringe. No manners award of this week goes to your ds's friend's mum!!!

Watch out for the present turning up on EBAY, I say.

I bet you it's nothing to do with the family being badly off - some people are just very very skilled at making sure they get looked after.

What a freak.

Is your DC good friends with hers? Here's hoping you can steer well clear of the next extortion campaign party.