to be sick of the way some women talk about diets..?

[IvantaOuiOui]

as part of my job (CM) I take children to playgroups, have been doing this for years. Every woman I meet seems to be on a diet and they all talk about "being good" and "being naughty", how many syns/sins are in everything and what they've eaten in the last 24 hours. Is this normal? I am no stranger to trying to lose weight but I don't want to talk about it all the time when I'm on a diet.

No it's not normal it's fucked up but it's a sad fact that most women (including me) are obsessed with dieting and talk about it all the time.

Some people find it helpful to talk about it which is probably why things like Weight Watchers are so popular. Others don't and prefer to keep it to themselves. Whatever works for you.

I hate the whole 'being good' thing too.

I hate this too.

Story from a couple of years back, but typical.

I was at work at the time, friend and I were in the lounge of the Care Home we worked in, with the carers (I was the cleaner, friend in charge of laundry). This week we had in a chef who cooked cakes from scratch, and had at this point come in with home made doughnuts.

The conversation existed of friend and I accepting the doughnuts, saying they were delicious and carrying on chatting about nonsense, not anything important.
The carers, all three of them refused the doughnuts, talked about how fattening they were, had a biscuit each, went on about being 'good', and 'bad' with food, and by the end of the break, had had three biscuits each, which I found out later had been some doughnuts too.

Guess who was overweight?

I found it boggling.

The reluctance to eat the fattening food, and the obsession with it being bad, was only in those who were overweight.

It's the language that bothers me, maybe it is helpful and supportive to talk about losing weight with friends, but good/naughty make my teeth itch. I fell out with a friend who still won't speak to me because I asked her not to talk that way in front of our daughters (aged 8 and 10).

YANBU, it's boring at best, grating at worst when a serial dieter tells you about it constantly while pointing out the calories in the biscuits they're currently demolishing.....

I consider myself living proof that keeping your weight issue conversations out of earshot of your kids can work, I've never consciously been on a diet despite been early thirties. I'm very much in the camp of a little of what you fancy does you good, and despite refusing treats quite regularly it's never been because of my weight and because I 'shouldn't'.

I make an effort to make sure my main meals are healthier or cut out the takeaways but that's about it. Although I think exercise will have to start featuring somewhere since the days of dancing away a weekend are pretty much over (because I can't be arsed!)

I dont feel sick but i feel sad that all some women talk about is food lack of being good points and red and fecking green days , please stop ladies

Such a good point Ivanta - mums wonder why the average age of eating disorders is getting younger and younger...

PeaceLoveandCandy, you may be right, it is a safe topic. I like to talk to people while I watch the children play, the grannies don't do diet talk, I'll have to befriend them. Either that or sit in the playpen with the babies.

You don't need to takl about dieting all of the time. A friend is obsessed about diets and exercise fads and goes on all the time about it - to the point her 8 year old is reluctant to eat certain things with her because they are "bad". very sad.

Kate, I went to Slimming World for a few weeks, it wasn't for me, but the really offputting thing was that the leader (jokingly) would get the v young daughters of the members to stand on the scales and tell them off if they were heavier than last time. I am probably oversensitive but my mother was weird about food, i eat too much and I am very careful with my lovely 11yr old not to give her a complex about eating.

I HATE the 'being good' and the coy 'oooh shall I be naughty' comments.

I want to scream 'for fucks sake you are 45, have 3 kids and are a senior social worker, why are you talking like a 4 year old just because someone has offered you a fucking biscuit?'

I dont though. I just cringe inwardly.

I feel sad that the majority of my female friends are so confused about food. They most beautiful, kind and brilliant women who cry at night because they have eaten 'too much'.

The amount of women who proudly tell me 'I was really good today, I only ate dinner'.

I have trouble eating and have to make myself eat three meals a day. Not sure why. I have always been like that. I feel very much outside all the dieting talk. Its like a different world to me.

I don't talk about losing weight to anyone as such, but I am on a bit of a 'health kick' at the min (not snacking between meals and exercising more - fuck! it's hard ) but I can see categorising foods as good and bad serves a purpose.

It's just a short cut way of guilting yourself into not eating that snack (which you know will taste bloody lovely, especially if you're hungry ), and I can imagine it'd be difficult to turn off if you're talking to someone else.

Could it just be the thinking process behind willpower?

I don't think people who talk like this mean any harm, and I definately think eating disorders have more to them than just a good/bad classification of food.

I'm surprised you felt so strongly that you fell out with your friend about it OP (more of a backstory perhaps?), couldn't you have just used it as an opportunity to discuss the way you see food with your DDs?

Ivanta I went to to SW a couple fo times after I had DC4. I got suckered in.

I was horrified at the whole thing.
The leader seemed totally unconcerned about the healthiness of the food and only that it didnt have too many syns.

So you could live on crap as long as it didnt go over your daily allowance.

A twenty something woman who was maybe a size 14-16 came in and sobbed because she had only lost a 1lb that week.

It was mental and I didnt go back.

I totally agree, I do tell my kids what is healthy and what isn't but more to teach them and they love the few unhealthy treats they have.

I don't use the word diet in this house.

I really really really hate that expression 'nothing tastes as good and being thin feels'

or whatever it is.

Says so much about how women are viewed in our society.

I'm a weight watcher. I only talk about it if people ask me about it, or ask how I've lost weight as I appreciate its only interesting to me, and not everybody around me.

BUT, there are good and bad foods. Its just a different way of saying healthy and unhealthy food. Again, I don't say good and bad foods but I don't get upset when other people do.

Agree sooo much. I found myself at a (kids') Keep Fit session last week chatting to some other parents, and all the conversation was about 'avoiding food triggers' and being 'naughty'. The sports leaders even came over to offer us advice on 'what we could do to avoid food'.

I don't need to avoid food FGS. I LIKE food. Food is, on the whole, good stuff. Pity I don't seem to find enough time to sit and relish it properly these days.

Ugh, I HATE the "good" and "naughty" thing too.
And I hate diet talk. I understand that when people are trying to lose weight it can help them to talk about it and also, it's likely fairly close to the front of their minds as they watch what they eat but I don't want to hear about it.

I remember going out to dinner with a bunch of about 6 of us, all female in our twenties. I hadn't been in all-female company much for a while and was so disappointed in the talk of how many calories were in things and stuff. So boring and off-putting when we were out to dinner!

So you're definitely not U to be sick of that kind of talk!

I also just want to add that the leader at the group I go to does focus on healthy eating and exercise, encourages weight losses of no more than 2lb per week for the longterm and has a philosophy of even half a pound weight loss is still lighter than you were a week ago.

I think there are probably good and bad in all slimming groups really.

I was quite taken aback at the strength of feeling I evoked at some baby groups for having returned to my pre-pregnancy weight 6 weeks after DD's birth. And yes, I agree.

BTW, OP, I looooove your username :)

The reason so many intelligent, mature women behave like children when offered a biscuit just demonstrates how judged and disempowered women feel around food.

Do people think I'm fat? Will I be judged for eating this? (Is my body socially acceptable?) It's tragic. Really tragic. And I do it myself all the time. I did it 30 years ago when I was a size 8, and I still do it now when I'm a size 16.

Can you understand why some women feel that wearing a burkha is an empowering lifestyle option?

Yes, I can. And I think that's why there's an increased emphasis on modest attire for women in many religions at the moment - not just in Islam.

I had huge problems with food as a teen and well into my twenties. My nasty school "friend" was thinner than I was and I developed sooner so I was "fat". I constantly starved and binged and was overweight for years. Oddly enough as soon as I stopped dieting everything became normal. I read "Fat is a Feminist Issue" by Susie Orbach and although there is a lot of it that I disregarded and much has changed since 1978 it made me see things clearly for the first time and I have never dieted or talked about it since. I am no fatter than I have ever been - size 14. Now my beautiful 14 yr old daughter has a much more sensible and happy view of food - I hope she can keep it.