Sex after baby

[chocolatehobnobs]

Last night we had sex for the first time since the birth of DS aged 4 months. I was really looking forward to it and getting things back to normal. For a bit of background we didn't have sex while i was pregnant as DH felt funny about sex during pregnancy. He has been sleeping in the spare room since the baby was born as he needs to be rested for work. He is now back in our room as we both felt there was getting to be a physical and emotional distance between us.
Anyway we had discussed that last night should be the night. I had a bath so feel fresh as i still have occasional bleeding / discharge which is one of the reasons i was not keen to rush things. I even defuzzzed! Sorry if too much info.
I was pleased if a little surprised when DH suggested we go to bed before dinner but surprised as i did not think he had had a shower since cycling 12 miles home from work 2 hours before. I asked him if he had showered and he said no. I suggested he have a quick shower and he said he would prefer to have one afterwards. DH has good personal hygiene and showers or baths at least once a day and he did not have BO really.
I'm ashamed to say that i just gave in without a fight. AIBU to think he was disrespectful not to shower or just a bit uptight. Given that it has been so long and we both wanted to get back into the swing of things i didn't want to turn it into an issue but i do feel i bit of a doormat.

Erm I dunno really , I think you maybe hurt his feelings asking him to have a shower first,

its the sort of thing prostitutes make punters do beforehand quite , erm clinical.
maybe him refusing was his pride talking??

I quite like a bit of manly sweat, mmmm!!

Lol

You were being uptight!

Also... Disrespectful?!

Wtaf?!?!

I'm uptight and would definitely have made DH have a shower if he'd cycled 12 miles - but he cycles everywhere at full pelt and would be really sweaty and disgusting after 12 miles.

DH has a shower every morning and a bath in the evening (same as me) but if it's evening and he hasn't had a bath yet I still make him wash his nob before we, ahem, you know - but he doesn't seem to mind!

First shag in about a year, and he couldn't be arsed even to have a quick shower? Damn right it's disrespectful!

But don't go feeling like a doormat, chocolatehobnobs, (or even a prostitute, wtf? Shouldn't a husband be at least as thoughtful towards his wife as towards a paid companion?) you have enough on your plate already.

Well i'm glad someone doesn't think i behaved like a prostitute. He had cycled 12 miles at full belt 2 hours before in cycling kit that was worn for the 2nd time that day and the shorts are the type that he wears without pants and a thick layer of chamois cream rubbed into the crotch to prevent 'crotchrot' as he calls it.

I like a bit of manly sweat too, but a 12 mile cycle in clingy shorts goes beyond a that and is well into shower territory

I would have just said "Dude - you stink. Go shower"

at sweaty creamed-up crotch... DH has those ones with the gel bum in them and he wears them until they walk to the washing machine on their own. He also goes horse riding 3 times a week and I have to prise his stinking breeches off him to wash them - I don't think he even smells the shit any more.

If this was out of character I wouldn't worry about it too much.

I remember the first time DH and I had sex after one of the DC's (can't remember which ). I'm not keen on sex in the second half of pregnancy, so like you it had been a while for us. It was a really weird experience, it was as if he had forgotten the "niceties" of sex with a loving partner! It felt very much as if he was more interested in his pleasure and didn't pay any attention to mine (this is not typical of him at all). I felt a bit used afterwards, but it was just the one time and everything soon returned to normal. Maybe your DH was nervous and needs a bit of time to 'get back in the saddle'!

OP it sounds like you were disappointed as his lack of effort?

I can understand if you were maybe hoping for more of an 'event' after not doing it for so long?

Sounds like he just wanted to knock one out before dinner TBH

I think given the circumstances he was a bit off.

*at his lack of effort

Sounds to me like he was probably apprehensive and wanted to (in the nicest possible way!) get the first time out of the way (you say you were suprised that he wanted to go to bed before dinner).

I wouldn't read anything into it or see it as a reflection of his feelings for you and I'm sure he didn't even consider you would find it disrespectful to not shower. He probably just thought that as he didn't smell there was no need to shower.

If my DH had refused a shower he'd be getting none at all from me. It's common courtesy to be clean for sex FFS.

I think those saying he was maybe a bit nervous about it might be right.

I think I would have hopped into the shower with him to encourage him

See how things go the next time but have a word with him if it's bothering you - let him know you feel you made an effort and wish he had too (and then bring him into the shower!)

You're being a bit hard on him really. But I'm one of those wierdos that gets a bit fresky at her man's au natural smell, so don't listen to me!

*weirdos

As you say, it had been ages, he was probably apprehensive and acted impulsively but see what happens next time. Don't make it into an issue because of this one event if he is normally decent, caring and considerate.

I'm ashamed to say that i just gave in without a fight This does make it sound like you think you were coerced into sex and is a dangerous thought path to go down. Consider carefully whether you 'gave in' because you felt pressured or because you actually wanted to have sex and it wasn't really that big a deal.

knowitall makes a great point.

knowitall i don't feel that i was coerced into sex just that i would normally have said no shower no sex if he was a bit smelly. in this situation i did not want to have an argument over sex and end up not having sex for another 3 months.
Mooncup i will suggest a shower together if this happens again.

Ooooh be careful chocolatehobnobs - I hope you have a big shower! I once had a 'romantic' shower with DH and he backed up into the wire shampoo/shower gel holder basket thingummy and knocked it off the wall onto my foot. It made my toenail go black and I have never seen so much blood! It was hideous.

No, wouldn't insist on this - Would end up getting sweaty anyway, and I personally don't find my DH's sweat disgusting. Maybe we're just skanky though, as we were at it one week after both DCs...

I would be a bit irritated tbh, but not as fucking livid as i would be if DP wouldn't have sex with me when i was pregnant. I would actually leave DP under those circs!

enmsyj at your accident.
amber sex a week after giving birth!!! oh my lord. I wonder how long others waited? I think maybe we are at opposite ends of the spectrum although we definitely have got out of the habit IYSWIM.

Is there a water shortage? why not a shower before and then one later on before bed I would of been miffed if it was me!