Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect some support from the primary school head teacher ?

69 replies

JamQueen · 22/03/2012 12:55

A kids disco was organised with the school on their premises by the friends of the school as per each year. Only this year, key stage 2 children were really difficult. We had 9 year old girls in 5 inch heels, boys stealing from the tuck shop, children deliberately behaving as they would never dream of infront of a teacher or their own parent ! Not to mention the back chat from the little blighters. When senior staff onsite at the time were asked for help to deal with the more unruly ones they said 'not our problem - we didn't arrange it ! When parents have complained to the school because their little 'darling' was told off for unacceptable behaviour the head declared that we should have come and asked for their help - WHICH WE DID !!!!! God .... I am never NEVER helping at these events again. It just appears to be a political minefield !!! What can you do ????????? Is it too much to ask to have a head teacher with a spine ???????

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/03/2012 13:00

That's disgusting.

There's no way our fundraisers would be allowed to hold a disco at school without a few members of staff there.

In fact, the head of year 6 always does the DJing.

I've seen how quickly a room full of excited kids with no parents or teachers around can deteriorate and I'm surprised the school would risk that.

Original poster
JamQueen · 22/03/2012 13:06

the room had 10 parents present .... the kids were saying 'we don't have to do what you say .... you're not my mum or a teacher !'

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/03/2012 13:09

I'd be tempted to question the legality of that, unless they were all CRB checked and one was at least trained in first aid.

The LA would have a field day with my DS's school if there were no members of staff present.

Original poster
JamQueen · 22/03/2012 13:10

the deputy and 2 teachers were onsite but refused to get involved ! Is there anything you can recommend we parents can do ?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/03/2012 13:13

I would definitely write to the Chair of Governors for a start.

And as well as complaining about the H&S issue of the unruly kids, I'd complain about the blatant lack of school support for the volunteers who have afterall, put themselves out for them.

Original poster
JamQueen · 22/03/2012 13:18

We are basically being villianised for having had to correct bad behaviour ! We found out after the event that there were vulnerable children at the event ... children that have behavioural issues. Why the hell were we put in a position to deal with this without being informed ? Surely, the head has a responsibility or duty of care ?
Is there a body above the school that the parents can protest to ? the head has already 'mis-informed' one set of parents who have complained by telling them we didn't inform them there were problems on the night .... I am not sure how you can misunderstand someone coming to your office and clearly stating ' we are not equipt to handle this situation with2 specific children - can you help .... only to be refused their help.

OP posts:
amistillsexy · 22/03/2012 13:19

If you asked the staff there at the time to intervene and they didn't, and since you've subsequently gone to spa=eak to the hT and got a 'meh!', I would write to the Govs, as Worra says, and tell them that this is why you are downing tools. Then refuse to do any more fundraising/events.

Schools with PTFAs often take them for granted IMHO, and they need to know how lucky they are to have parents who get involved!

imnotmymum · 22/03/2012 13:21

Was there really no members of staff there ?? As mentioned that cannot be legal unless first aid crb etc. That is shocking and cannot believe that the teachers would not step in. And tbh I am shocked that children are so rude to any adults. YANBU at all

CremeEggThief · 22/03/2012 13:21

It might sound a bit over the top, but I would be tempted to complain in writing to the Chair of Governors now. It is unfair that senior members of staff failed to back you up.
I also think it's a sad reflection of our society that other parents who weren't there have the cheek to go in and complain, because their little darlings were asked to behave by parents who are only trying to support the school and all its pupils. I would be cross with my DS if I heard he was behaving like that, certainly not going in and moaning because an adult dared to tell him off.

CremeEggThief · 22/03/2012 13:23

Sorry, cross posted with several others!

Scholes34 · 22/03/2012 13:23

At our primary school, an adult has to accompany any group of children they take to the disco (no limit on the size of the group, but if anything kicks off, there is an adult personally responsible for that child on site). I think this is more about the income generated by selling tickets at £2.50 a pop to adults. Wine is also served, which brings in the money.

Any event that takes place on school premises is difficult. I know the teachers don't like to attend evening events, as there are real grey areas over who is responsible. If the behaviour of your KS2 children is bad, you'll need to think about insisting more adults stay on site.

Wow - the head of Year 6 DJing - you're so lucky, Worra!

skybluepearl · 22/03/2012 13:23

only stage an infant even next time and explain that infants behaved so well, you wanted to put another even on for them.

if you do decide to do another junior even, it would be worth mentioning that the event is open only to well behaved children and parents will be asked to collect children who are unable to behave appropriatly. Take all telepone numbers at the event and ring the parents to collect. Also ask the head to breif the staff.

piprabbit · 22/03/2012 13:25

Was this an official school event, or did they simply 'hire' out the premises and allow you to (effectively) stage a private party? I'd be really interested to know what the requirements for first aid, crb checks etc. are if the school said it wasn't being run by them.

scrablet · 22/03/2012 13:26

Next time, ensure staff are involved.
ie, ask them. I've never been to a school disco where teachers were not involved, but that is because we were involved from the start, not just called in as troubleshooters. We have all day for that...
Sorry your nice gesture ended up like this, is v disenheartening. I'm sure the majority of children enjoyed themselves and just let all the crap wash over them, as they probably have to every day if these children are in their class, but that's another issue...

Scholes34 · 22/03/2012 13:29

scrablet - our staff are never involved at discos.

Original poster
JamQueen · 22/03/2012 13:30

KS1 were excellent as were years 3 and 4 in KS2 but yrs 5 and 6 - in particularly the boys .... horrendous !!!! The event was arranged by the friends of the school but with the full co-operation of the school - we did not pay to hire the hall or anything. As far as I am aware, there was no recognised or certified first aider having been involved and parents were not selected with regards to CRB checked - i am not CRB checked but was involved because most other KS2 parents couldn't be bothered themselves !

OP posts:
bubby64 · 22/03/2012 13:30

Must admit, we have never had this problem, but the kids at our school tend to know most of the parent helpers very well (small village primary) and have been taught to respect those parent helpers whilst in school ( I get called Mrs Bubby64 by my own kids when they are in school, although when they were little it was "Mrs Bubby64Mummy"!) Also, we have a teacher being DJ as well as the head,who usually stays on the premises, but tucked away in his office.
I think the way to go is to contact the Goveners about the lack of support, and also to refuse to run a disco for KS2 the next time, only have a KS1, and let the children and parents know this is a direct consequence of the previous behaviour, and maybe extend that ban to other activities if it doesnt hit home. By the way, not all our parent helpers are CRB checked, the majority are, but the ones who are not are not left alone with any child, they stay in the main hall. We also dont have a problem with the 1st Aid issue either, as several of us are trained, in OP case, I would have thought at least one of the 3 teachers would have been trained.

scrablet · 22/03/2012 13:31

Oh and this 'We are basically being villianised for correcting bad behaviour'
Yes, and you will be. Have you read some threads on here about how DD/DS is picked on, etc, teachers are not perfect, but this is our world, I'm afraid, can't do right for doing wrong.
Again tho' I'm sorry it turned out like this for what should have been a fun event.

scrablet · 22/03/2012 13:32

To Scholes, then they shouldn't be called in to sort out trouble, all that should be arranged by the disco arrangers.

Original poster
JamQueen · 22/03/2012 13:33

what is DD / DS ?

OP posts:
Original poster
JamQueen · 22/03/2012 13:36

The DH was only called in because we are not trained to deal with mob behaviour. When 2 children were removed and placed in the entrance seating area for stealing, the other children kept trying to force their way out of the hall past parents to find out what was going on. How are we supposed to deal with this ? That was why we asked for help ... in dealing with these 2. The other children were dealt with by the parents at the event and it is those naughty childrens parents who are complaining that we had the nerve to tell their kids that their behaviour was not acceptable !

OP posts:
SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 22/03/2012 13:38

Having been at a lovely primary, with a useless head, I found that you need to write to the governors. The head can ignore a verbal complaint, but must address a written complaint in writing.

scrablet · 22/03/2012 13:40

DD/DS dear daughter,dear son.
Do not have a disco for children if you cannot cope with them.
Do not expect non involved staff to become involved simply because they happen to be on the premises.
Tell parents all future discos cancelled because of minority behaviour, or expect the worst and prepare for it.

Original poster
JamQueen · 22/03/2012 13:41

It's a shame the all the school children have to suffer for the sake of a handful of horrors !!!

OP posts:
scrablet · 22/03/2012 13:45

Well, yes.