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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset that dd seems to be developing.....

62 replies

blighter · 21/03/2012 20:47

sitting on the sofa a short while ago with dh & dd who only turned 9 in jan. she suddenly tells me that one of her bossoms (nipple area) hurts when she touches it and that it has for the last few days. i had a look and it looks swollen if that is the right word, they both do, they nolonger look like a little girs nipples, i can't believe it but she must have started to develop. i don't remember developing until i was around 11. she is only small in height/skinny so i thought if anything she would be a late developer. i feel upset, as if in a blink of an eye she isn't my baby anymore, like she has suddenly grown up although nothing else has changed. i guess i am finding it hard to let go, this has come literally from nowhere, i am in shock, not meaning to sound dramatic but i didn't think she would develop for a good few years yet :(

OP posts:

topknob · 21/03/2012 20:49

I understand my dd1 is 8 but a biggish girl and tall for her age.. I was a late developer didn't start my period til I was 15 and wish this for her but it is going to be well before then.. It makes me :( :( I want her to stay a little girl xx

Original poster

blighter · 21/03/2012 20:54

top, i know, i feel close to tears, how pathetic. i was halfway through my supper but lost my apetite immediately. she is so little and innocent. when she first told me my initial reaction was to take her to the drs, i thought she might have an infection but i am sure upon closer inspection that she is developing. must be something in the food, sure of it, read it many times. no sign of anything else ie hair or periods. she is off to brownie camp soon. we had a meeting and brown owl was going on about periods, i was sitting there thinking, nah, she is far too young for that....it never occurred to me i may need to eat my words

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TattyDevine · 21/03/2012 20:57

I'm sure your actual reaction to her was fine but can you please be bright and breezy and positive about it to her if not already...if she picks up on your negativity its awful because its not her "fault"...I know you know this but its awful to feel you almost have to hide it and that its your dirty secret just because your parents can't handle it! I'm sure that's not the case...really just saying in a general way.

TattyDevine · 21/03/2012 20:59

"something in the food" ? Are you serious? Its not unusual to start developing at 9! I remember when I was in Year 5 (in Australia) so was barely 10 my friend pulled her undies aside to reveal a total full bush of pubic hair. She had budding boobs too. Probably would have been bigger if she wasn't so skinny.

Its normal not some terrible demise of society

Mrsfluff · 21/03/2012 21:00

I know just how you feel - my daughter will be 12 this summer and has been having periods for 18months and wears a D cup bra She's taken it all in her stride, but I feel sad that she's had to deal with it all so young.

WorraLiberty · 21/03/2012 21:01

'Finding it hard to let go'?

She's 9 not 19

She's still your little girl...no need to let go of anything.

squeakytoy · 21/03/2012 21:02

I was wearing a bra by 9 years old... I was a 34dd by 12 years old, and I started my periods when I was 10.

Hassled · 21/03/2012 21:04

It is sad - and so hard for them to cope with all the hormones and seeing their bodies change while they don't have the maturity that should go with it. She still is your little girl, don't worry - I agree that you should be as positive about it to her as possible. Don't let her think it's a bad thing.

TattyDevine · 21/03/2012 21:04

How was it for you having to "deal with it so young" - did you "take it in your stride" squeaky?

We are still talking about a natural progression that would, in fact, cause more grief if it did take a few years more and you were the LAST, are we not?

TattyDevine · 21/03/2012 21:05

Its "sad"? Are you serious?!?

Is it some kind of medical tragedy in the UK or something?

soverylucky · 21/03/2012 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ismeyes · 21/03/2012 21:06

I agree that it is nothing new - I remember my nan telling me that she had started her periods aged 9 - she is now 75! Most of my peers in top juniors (now year 6) were wearing first bras or at least crop tops and talking about who had got any armpit hair and I'm 31. It is life, and something to be positive about!

Original poster

blighter · 21/03/2012 21:07

i'm just shocked. i feel a sense of relief to have since read that this is normal, i just wasn't aware of it, i started developing at 11 so was not aware that it was normal for someone of 9 especially such a small kid (short and skinny), i thought it was unusual and not of the ordinary. and no, she isn't aware of how i feel, i have been opening up having a moan on MN as i thought that is one of the things that is good about these sites, to let off steam about something that was bothering you in RL. i know she is still the same person, it just brings to home all the more how quickly she is growing up.

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troisgarcons · 21/03/2012 21:08

I know I'm old and raddled when I look back at puberty and know my mother didnt gaze at my naked tits, have the need to discuss it with all her mates (real mates because imaginary ones with the potential for 87 gazillion readers hadnt been invented) and just accepted that little girls grow up

WorraLiberty · 21/03/2012 21:08

I think parents make far more of these things than children.

By the time they're 9 or 10, they've coped with all sorts of changes and many of them totally unnoticed.

I don't remember my Mum making any kind of fuss at all like some parents do now.

A friend of mine was talking about stocking up on 'tissues and chocolate' because her 12yr old started her period?

I think the kid thought her mum had taken leave of her senses to be honest.

PurpleRomanesco · 21/03/2012 21:08

I had the same thing around that age and didn't develop breasts for years. Just think of it as a sign that your little girl is healthy and her body is doing it's job properly. :)

troisgarcons · 21/03/2012 21:09

kidshealth.org/parent/medical/sexual/precocious.html

you should read up on precious puberty.

Hulababy · 21/03/2012 21:10

It has taken me in surprise too. A year ago dd was at this stage, she turns 10y in a fortnight and earlier ths month - I have been putting it off a lots- she got her first bras. Her figure is no longer a little grl's figure and she has been developing hair too. Hopefully periods are still a good distance away.

weblette · 21/03/2012 21:11

Dd's best friend started developing breast buds at 9, she's now 12 and still hasn't started her periods yet.

TattyDevine · 21/03/2012 21:12

Its true Blighter, they do grow up quickly. Not trying to make it sound like you were all pearl-clutchy and fanning oneself etc

NowThenWreck · 21/03/2012 21:16

It does seem early, but my mum said she started her period at 9 (I was 13), so it does happen.
I agree with the poster who said be upbeat and breezy about it. It must feel awkward for your daughter, and her hormones will be going a bit nuts, so she will need reassurance that she is normal.
You are not losing her! Think of it this way: We are changing constantly from the moment we are born. Nothing is static. And adolescence goes on for years and years.
Gynaecologists don't consider a girl mature until around 19/20, because adolescent changes are still happening in their bodies.
Then, as we go thru our twenties and thirties, more changes, etc etc.
Your body is changing too, even if you can't see it. It's fine.

TattyDevine · 21/03/2012 21:17

Precocious puberty is only applicable for girls below the age of 7 or 8, so doesn't apply in this case.

vess · 21/03/2012 21:18

I was like that at 9 but only got periods at 14.

Original poster

blighter · 21/03/2012 21:18

tatty - wtf is 'pearl-clutchy and fanning oneself' supposed to imply?

OP posts:

Original poster

blighter · 21/03/2012 21:20

now, you can say that again, i am peri-menopausal :) bloody nightmare. she is taking it in her stride, she is naturally laid back, there isn't much that phases her

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