to be upset that dd seems to be developing.....

[blighter]

sitting on the sofa a short while ago with dh & dd who only turned 9 in jan. she suddenly tells me that one of her bossoms (nipple area) hurts when she touches it and that it has for the last few days. i had a look and it looks swollen if that is the right word, they both do, they nolonger look like a little girs nipples, i can't believe it but she must have started to develop. i don't remember developing until i was around 11. she is only small in height/skinny so i thought if anything she would be a late developer. i feel upset, as if in a blink of an eye she isn't my baby anymore, like she has suddenly grown up although nothing else has changed. i guess i am finding it hard to let go, this has come literally from nowhere, i am in shock, not meaning to sound dramatic but i didn't think she would develop for a good few years yet :(

Hi I posted about this in parenting a few weeks ago, I got a lot of reassuring and helpful replies. My dd is 8 next month. A few weeks ago she complained of a lump in her nipple so I took her to the doctor who confirmed it was breast buds. I was really shocked at 7 she had them but the doctor said it was perfectly normal.

Like you I felt really sad because she seems such a little girl! I explained it to her in a matter of fact way and she was fine about it, she seemed quite excited actually! In private I still feel a bit sad though. Anyway a few days ago she came to show me what looks like the beginnings of pubic hair and asked "is this to do with my HARMONES too?!"

She asked her friends at school if they have things too and they don't so that concerned her a little bit. I just told her that her body is just changing before therirs and they will soon catch up.

Was wondering if anyone knew of a book my dd could read herself to explain things to her in an age appropriate way to normalise it to her?

And also a deodorant that's suitable for her to use as she sometimes smells a bit of sweat and she is aware of this.

thanks for your kind posts everyone, has helped tremendously :)

My DD1 is 8 and uses Bionsen, Buttery , I also bought her a book called Hair in funny places
It gives her enough info and has led to her asking questions, so hopefully when the time comes she'll be properly clued up!

Hair in funny places, I think dd will like that! Thanks Tonk!

It's not crazy to suggest this didn't happen in the past. There's lots of scientific data to suggest that the age of menstruation has dropped dramatically (from about 17 to 13) and is continuing to go down. Development of breasts has started younger and younger, so that the definition of 'abnormally early' development has had to be changed.

It's also not crazy to suggest there might be a dietary reason, perhaps better nutrition (which means we are fit to be mothers earlier) or chemicals (e.g. fake female hormones in water or meat).

No-one knows, but I can understand why you are upset, it's your little girl and you feel she's going to have to face all the stuff that goes with being a woman much younger than you would like, I don't think this is weird, I feel exactly the same about my eight year old.

From posting on the parenting board some people told me lots of factors contribute to girls starting earlier. Some were the same as you mentioned mumsyblouse. Apparently if a girl lives with a man who is not her biological father can affect it which is our living situation.

Even though its normal I still wish it hadn't happened so early as there is no need for it to happen yet. And my dd still plays with her dolls and prams so it just seems her physical development is at odds with her emotional development.

Buttery, it won't all happen overnight though, in all probability, this is her body gearing up for changing. I'm sure she'll go on playing with dolls or cuddling small animals (that's what I was obsessed by til about aged 13/14) for a good while yet.

My children both have slightly raised breast buds anyway since birth, it's hereditary. Children have asked them at school why they have 'breasts' (literally tiny lumps!)

@Mumsyblouse. I think the average age of menstruation was 17 in the 19th century, probably because of widespread malnutrition. It was certainly about 13 twenty or thirty years ago, and I think that's the biological norm fr well nourished girls.

So pleased and reassured to read this thread. DD1 is 11 and has noticably changed over the last 18 months. Have always talked to her about her body changes and tried to be positive, but it's so bloody hard. Was talking to her when she was in the bath last week and noticed her hair growing down below. she had told me about it a few months ago, but has become very private about her bath times, which I have respected. So to actually see the hair was quite traumatic. I continued my conversation with her, trying not to let my eyes wander, but inside I just wanted to burst into tears, run away and hide. Especially cos she said to me 'Mummy I don't want to grow up'.
I was very brave, composed myself and said to her how I would stop it all right there and then if I could but I can't. Am dreading her starting her periods. Feel so sad for her.
In many ways she is still my little baby, who I want to wrap my arms around and stop it all now, but it's my job to find a way to deal with it. Times like this I envy my DH, it's a new journey my DD & I are begining together.
(actually have tears streaming down my face as I write this) I guess it's just a new chapter in being a Mum, but haven't felt this lost and clueless since she was a new born 11 years ago

My dd1 is 9 in 2 weeks and has started to develop breasts, she's started wearing crop tops for school now. Just so she's covered when they're getting changed for PE and swimming. I was pretty much expecting it though as I developed when I was 8, and my sister was 6!

Forgive me drivinmecrazy but I don't think you were right to say 'you would stop it all if you could'! That just confirms your daughter's fears that growing up is to be feared. And as she will grow up, why make her scared of it. If it comes up again, maybe tell her that she is your baby for as long as she wants to be, but they growing up is lots of fun with lots to look forward to?

Thats true, Charitygirl. Think it's a case of thinking on my feet from here on in. Am in totally unchartered territory