to be upset that dd seems to be developing.....

[blighter]

sitting on the sofa a short while ago with dh & dd who only turned 9 in jan. she suddenly tells me that one of her bossoms (nipple area) hurts when she touches it and that it has for the last few days. i had a look and it looks swollen if that is the right word, they both do, they nolonger look like a little girs nipples, i can't believe it but she must have started to develop. i don't remember developing until i was around 11. she is only small in height/skinny so i thought if anything she would be a late developer. i feel upset, as if in a blink of an eye she isn't my baby anymore, like she has suddenly grown up although nothing else has changed. i guess i am finding it hard to let go, this has come literally from nowhere, i am in shock, not meaning to sound dramatic but i didn't think she would develop for a good few years yet :(

Basically over-reactin. Was not trying to make it sound like you were overreacting to your daughter, even if you are having a mini-freak out on here (which is fine, honest, as long as your daugther doesn't know which she doesn't!)

Tatty - yes, "sad", because the beginning of the end of your child's childhood is sad. Bitter-sweet sad, but still sad. In my experience, anyway. Yes, you have many happy years ahead with a possibly far more interesting person, but that little kid who ate playdough has gone and I think it's valid to call that transition sad.

Fair enough Hassled. Sad in a wistful way not in a pitying way then.

Both my dds had breast buds at nine - perfectly normal I think - it does take a few years to develop boobs and stuff. Mine started their periods at 12.6 and 13.6.

my hormones are pretty bad atm & i am never good with change in any shape or form, i need to adapt/get used to the idea of which i already am now i am aware that this isn't overly unusual, it's just hard right now for me to think of her as anything other than a little girl which it would appear she isn't anymore. i have friends who are desperate for their little girls to grow up and move out but i rather enjoy being a mum and all that goes with it. i just hadn't reconed on going out buying her a bra for a while. i never wore the buggers so i know naff all about bloody bras but i know she will love them, she is very girl, something i ain't

I was a short and skinny 9 year old who started to develop breast buds. However they grew very slowly and I didn't start my periods until 14. My breasts never got very big either. I didn't need a bra until well in to high school, I did wear one though as everyone else did.

I was only 11 when I started my periods. I had boobs about a year before that. I think I preferred being an early developer rather then the girls that were still flat chested at 16 worrying that they would never have a period. I think those girls worried about it all far more than the early developers. (Not that there is anything at all wrong with being flat chested, I just remember it being the focus of quite a few 14-16 year old girls life).
The youngest I have known was only 7 when she had her first period! She went to my mum's brownie group and every time she went to the bathroom loads of other girls would follow her in! We finally realised what was happening and managed to distract the rest of the group whilst she went.

Blighter, I believe you feeling are completely valid and taking an interest in your daughters puberty is a good thing. If your daughter is laid back about the whole thing then you should act laid back too but there's no reason you shouldn't come on MN and say "Oh f*ck, my baby is growing up. Help!"

You seem to have a nicely open relationship with your DD, Talking about these things is so important for young girls.

Puberty starts at 8. My dd is 10 and has breast buds, hair under her arm and pubic hair (5 apparently ). She has been getting pains so I think her period isn't far away.

thanks purple & all of your for your reassuring kind words, it helps, i feel better now, thanks

I think as long as you can talk about it openly and stay positive, you'll be fine. It's all normal - my DD1 is 11 and is wearing an AA cup, she has a figure and is growing hair too. She had 'the talk' about periods in school in Yr 5 but knew all about them before then. I developed at a similar age but had no periods until 15 so fingers crossed it will be the same for her.

DD2 (9) is very tall but very slender, she is just starting to bud a little - with her big sis developing, she can't wait .

They may be growing up and developing, but my DDs still love a cuddle and I still read to them every night - growing up is a gradual process, not a cliff edge. You'll do fine.

I think it's natural to feel like this - the little yet massive milestones that remind you that this little bubble isn't forever, that time is passing fast and you can't stop it or hold it forever. I think you find yourself thinking of your own puberty and you wonder what's coming up in the next few years...

I know just how you feel Blighter. My DD1 was only 8 when we had the exact same experience, she was tall for her age but my youngest had just started school and I was just settling into the primary school years, then suddenly found we were heading for puberty.

She started periods at 11.6 and I was just glad she didn't have to deal with that in primary

She was fine with it all, and later felt sorry for her friends who were late developers

My DD is 8.5 and not developing just yet, but her friend at school (9.5) is - I know this because DD tells me her friend has little hard breasts, and she's felt them

I think it was this kind of closeness and openness that they have that shocked me more than the growing up itself - I was developing by age 10, but would have been mortified at the thought of showing them off to my friends!

Know how you feel about them growing up - DS is 12 and it does make me a little sad that my beautiful, smooth-skinned baby now has spots, hairy armpits and smells. Today he's been ill though and is definitely still my baby.

I started developing breasts at 8 and started periods at 10, its ok really :)

I answered your other thread. Please don't turn this into a big thing for you or your daughter - they have enough pressure on them these days without being made to feel like they are a 'freak' by their own Mums.

Get the book I suggested

tweenparenting.about.com/od/physicalemotionalgrowth/gr/WhatsHappeGirls.htm

I wish I didn't shudder every time I read the word 'tween', but I do.

It just sets my teeth on edge??

I wouldn't dream of referring to my DDs as 'tweens' - they're teenagers when their hormones are making them foul, the rest of the time they're still children.

It doesn't mention 'tweens' in the book title FFS - ok try this link

www.bookdepository.co.uk/Whats-Happening-My-Body-for-Girls-Lynda-Madaras/9781557047687

It's the same book if you care to look

Or not I don't care

I started my development at 8. It was very, very early. It was me being in a bra from 10/11 onwards and that was a B cup since 11 until I was 14, then went up a bit higher. Some people develop earlier/later. I wouldn't worry but I imagine it's pretty daunting.

DD is 12 now but started getting pubic hair etc at 9 ish. She's not 13 until August but is wearing a 34d bra

It's hard when their hormones are pushing them towards adulthood but mentally and emotionally they are still children. DD is a hormonal nightmare. God, let it end soon!

DD2 has had faint breast buds from 10. Her sister probably did too, but DD1 was a lot plumper. It was harder to tell, little pointy bits are really obvious on DD2.

I had lots of pubic hair in Y6 and was teased mercilessly. I didn't get breasts or start my periods until I was much older.

She will be fine. I'd just turned 11 when I started my period and had a much bigger problem with starting on the first day of high school than my age at the time! I was definitely in a bra (and needed one) in primary school. It's normal :)

I started my periods and started wearing a bra when I was 8! My mum was great about it. She made it a big deal (in a nice way) but not a big deal at the same time. We had a day out together and she bought me some nice bras and knickers and nice bubble bath.
She must have felt similar to you, and quite possibly vented to her friends a fair amount. But she never made me feel as though I had grown up too early or that I was different to any other 8 year olds, or that something terrible had happened.
Your DD will be fine, and so will you