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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ungrateful, spoilt, presumptious, self-entitled......

87 replies

bjf1 · 20/03/2012 20:17

and I'm not talking about a bratty teenager, either. This is a 46 year old -adult-.
Dh's birthday next week and I asked him what he would like from me and the DCs. He informed me that he had his eye on a specific item and had "bookmarked it for me on my laptop"
I was a bit surprised to say the least because it was quite pricey (£125.00), slightly more than I had in mind, and I felt a bit that he had actually bookmarked it. This slapped, I felt, of greed. I mean, it's not like a milestone birthday, not like a 50th for example. And, in the present financial climate, especially mine, a bit much.

Anyway, I mulled it over for a few days, then thought OK, anticipating his delight when he unwrapped it on the day.
It was delivered today (quite large) and he was home when it arrived so I couldn't hide it from him.
So, I took it out of the box and stood back, waiting for him to thank me for my generosity. He opened his mouth and......
1st, it wasn't the exact same colour as in the picture.
2nd, it wasnt as good quality as he was expecting.
3rd, he didn't think it was going to be big enough.
"It'll do", were his exact words.
I feel gutted, and cannot believe how I have managed to bag myself someone who is so bloody ungrateful, insensitive, self-entitled.
I am not even going to ask if IABU to let this bother me, just need to rant.
Oh, and when I asked him to jokingly guess what was in the box, he said he knew what it was, because that is what he had told me he wanted. Just bloody assumed I would get it. Did'nt even have the bloody decency to pretend suprise, or say thankyou.
Wish I'd just got him a cheap box of chocs now!
TWAT

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 21/03/2012 00:34

I am also at a loss about why you keep coming back with more examples of his twattishness and yet no mention of you returning the item.

I rather suspect that the OPs DH is a twat in many other areas of life and that returning this gift will cause even more shit that she has to deal with.

He will probably turn out to be a great husband and father but..............

carabos · 21/03/2012 07:45

My DH did this years ago in the very early days of our relationship. He does an expensive sport and had no money. I bought him an item of equipment which he needed but which didn't fit. Fair enough, I took it back and exchanged it (quite inconvenient and long journey).

When I gave him the replacement item he said "actually I don't like it and I don't want it". Again, fair enough in some ways, but why didn't he say that at the outset and save me what then became yet another inconvenient trip. I was at his bad manners, and tbh he hasn't changed much over the years. I rarely buy him presents now.

jasminerice · 21/03/2012 07:51

I don't understand why you have not told him he's a twat and sent the bag back?

MrsKittyFane · 21/03/2012 07:51

SEND IT BACK!

sparkle12mar08 · 21/03/2012 07:52

Grow a pair and send the damn thing back! There's not a snowball's chance in hell that I would allow my dh to speak to me like that in my own home, not a chance. I think Bogeyface has it nailed, sadly...

diddl · 21/03/2012 08:00

Ooh I´d have to send it back.

And if I was feeling generous I´d give him a tenner towards him getting himself the exact one he wants.

Either that or I´d be trying to fit the pieces of him into the not good enough bag.

Moln · 21/03/2012 08:03

Send it back!

WipsGlitter · 21/03/2012 08:03

Well, people are allowed to be disappointed with a present but it was a bit crass. He sounds a bit asperger-ish. If he had ordered it himself would he send it back? I do think you would be entitled to send it back.

JustHecate · 21/03/2012 08:04

Did you tell him that he is being extremely ungrateful?

You really need to.

AreWeHavingFunYet · 21/03/2012 08:08

I also don't understand why you haven't told him how you feel about his reaction.

Scuttlebutter · 21/03/2012 08:16

Why are you buying presents for his family out of your personal money? Why are you buying presents for your DC out of your personal money?

Strong case for BOTH of you sitting down and having a discussion about March, the number of birthdays and the joint budget for each birthday present. As part of that discussion, you could have talked about his birthday and the budget. If he really wanted an expensive present, you could have suggested asking other family members to chip in, waiting till later in the year or even having a joint birthday/Christmas gift. Can't believe he suggested it and you meekly went ahead, without even a discussion on the cost. He's your husband, you can talk to him.

Once it came and he didn't like it, then send it back. Completely baffled why you wouldn't do that.

And for not saying Thank you and for being an ungrateful bastard, well, that definitely needs something saying, but to him, not to the internet. Hope all this was not in front of DC, as a horrible example.

YouOldSlag · 21/03/2012 08:20

Well, at the risk of being a maverick, I don't think you are totally NBU.

Yes your DH was unreasonable to be so rude and dismissive, no argument there!

However DH and I do this; if we want something in particular rather than buy it ourselves we ask for it for birthday/Christmas. DH does this and usually wants some technical gadget. No point trying to choose it myself so I just get it off his Wish list.

It's not particularly a surprise for him, but it shows our kids that if you really want something, you have to wait for your birthday for your treat and not just get treats all the time.

It makes sense to get something you really want rather than waste money on something that's not right out of politeness.

If I wanted a particular perfume and DH got me a different one, I would probably change it, except that I would be very grateful, very appreciative and only take it back very discreetly so as not to offend.

madasa · 21/03/2012 08:21

Suggest you shove it in a 'shady place' and ask if him if he still thinks it might be too small ....

diddl · 21/03/2012 08:22

Is he always like this?

If so, how/why do you put up with it?

Let him buy his own stuff!

YouOldSlag · 21/03/2012 08:28

Just saw your later post OP- absolutely get him gift vouchers! great idea.

Personally I love them , it means get yourself a treat that's just for you and choose something to your own exact taste. He may not like them now but he'll get used to them in years to come!

treadwarily · 21/03/2012 08:32

Frankly I think it's pathetic of a grown man (or woman) to make such a big deal out of wanting a birthday present. Birthday dreams are for kids, or maybe that's just me.

LyssaM · 21/03/2012 08:34

Do you have another thread going about tax credits? I don't know how to search, but iirc you are short of money because he doesn't pay his way - or am I confusing you with someone else

YouOldSlag · 21/03/2012 08:35

treadwarily. I see your point but DH and I have been a bit strapped for cash the last few years so if we really want something for ourselves we save it for a birthday.

I go without all year to save money and look forward to my birthday perfume enormously.

fussbucket · 21/03/2012 08:42

He's a tosser.
And he plays golf.
Dear God.

fuzzpig · 21/03/2012 08:49

Ugh what a spoilt brat. I hope you come back here to say you've sent him the present back.

I don't think he sounds like he's got Aspergers, he just sounds like an entitled git with a huge ego. And a little too much control over the finances.

treadwarily · 21/03/2012 09:02

treadwarily. I see your point but DH and I have been a bit strapped for cash the last few years so if we really want something for ourselves we save it for a birthday. I go without all year to save money and look forward to my birthday perfume enormously.

OK, it's just me then

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 21/03/2012 09:03

An ex did this to me, not once, but twice.
He asked for a particular cd (many moons ago!) and I got him it, but the special edition, so it had a few extra songs on and the cover was a different shade. He took the wrapping off, said "it's the wrong one" and handed it back to me. How I wish I'd thrown it on the floor and stamped on it the ungrateful twat.
Same thing happened the following year, but it turned put he'd asked for the wrong thing, so he was wrong not me.
I now have a lovely DP who is grateful for a bag of jelly babies just because I bought them.
Ease send it back. He can't act surprised, surely you're doing him a favour as its the wrong one

ChrissasMissis · 21/03/2012 10:26

Send it back! Send it back!!

IvanaHumpalot · 21/03/2012 10:36

Send back the golf bag.
Buy a set of golf balls and a marking kit (players mark their balls so they don't mistake someone else's ball for their own).
Mark up all balls with 'twunt' or what ever else you fancy - you could get creative with each ball.
Pop balls in old(?) golf bag.
Nice surprise when he next plays ;-)

Original poster

bjf1 · 21/03/2012 10:43

Yes he is like this a LOT of the time.
Yes I do have TC problems atm.
Yes I do buy presents from personal money.
And yes, I told him this morning that I had calmed down since yesterday, but was dissapointed in his twattish attitude towards this present. He looked mildly suprised, but didn,t really seem to recognise that he had made a big faux pas, but then he never does.
He can be sooooooo bloody insensitive on almost every subject. Sometimes it fair takes my breath away that anyone, apart from a 2 year old, can be so in awe of themselves and their always right beliefs.

OP posts:

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