To wonder how anyone manages being a working mum?

[TiredofYorks]

In the last 4 weeks I've had one full week at work (a full week for me actually being a 3 day week).

The first week in the 4 week period my daughter who is 18 months had a nasty urine infection and was admitted to hospital, so there was no where I would rather have been than by her side. So I didn't feel guilty about that week.

The second week I ended up with a throat infection and so had to take yet another week off work as I just wasn't able.

I managed a full week without issues last week and made it into the office yesterday but today on the way to work / nursery, my daughter was sick all over herself so nursery understandably wouldn't take her so I had to take a day off today again.

How do people do it? I feel so guilty and that I really aren't pulling my weight. Right now I would love to take a career break if only we could afford it!

If your daughter has just started nursery, she will be picking up everything. It will gradually settle down as her immune system gets used to it. Nurseries are basically virus-pits ime.

Sounds like a real run of bad luck.

Usually once they have settled into nursery illness becomes less.

You need to share time off with your DH/DP - it is not fair on your employer if it is always you off.

Can you timeshift at all eg offer to come in on a day off. Yes you will be out of pocket as you have to pay for extra childcare but often worth it in terms of goodwill.

If possible get some time 'banked' eg work a few 4 day weeks for no extra pay and then if you need time off you are just using the banked time.

I also v rarely have time off if I am sick - i've even been in when I couldn't speak after surgery. Again shows willing.

That's why I stopped working. I had two under five and it was getting embarrassing - if it wasn't conjunctivitus it was vomiting or 'funny rash'. I used to take them to daycare anyway, but always got a phone call from the nursery and because it was a workplace nursery they knew I where I was and that I could come and get them.

They do grow out of it though - so stick with it and show work how important you are to the business when you are able to be there - sometimes we mums are too apologetic for our own good!

Working from home or working flexible hours when needed, sharing time off looking after children with DH (v important - they're his children too), having just one day sick myself in six years, despite thinking it would be nice to stay in bed just for one day.

I am lucky enough to have a very flexible employer. I work a four day week (Mon-Thurs) but today DS1 is ill, so I'm taking today off and coming in on Friday, and they have no problem with that.

Mind you, I can't remember the last time one of the DCs (or I) was ill, so it doesn't happen often.

Having a DH who can work from home if need be, and a Granny with time on her hands only an hour away helps greatly too.

Along the lines of the advice you've already been given:

• can you work different days (ie not the agreed 3) if you need to miss time on a given week?

• can you make time up the following week (ie work 4 or 5 days) assuming you can sort out childcare?

• can you work from home? Although it's not ideal, you can still get a fair amount done by judicious application of cbeebies and sleep times...

• can your dp cover? do you have another family member who can help?

For successful working, what you need is a relatively solid Plan B that doesn't depend on you dropping everything, every time.

Get someone lined up who can step in as and when required....maybe you have friends who have an aupair who has free time during the day, or a nanny who isn't flat out until school pickup....someone who is generally around and who, in a pinch, could cover 9-3ish for you. Yes, you might need to leave work a bit early, but its a lot better than just not showing up each time.

Good luck :)

I find things come in phases. DD will be poorly, then the car will break down, then the cat appears close to death and has to be rushed to the vet and nursed through the night, then the boiler fucks up and I have to wait in all day. Etc.
Then nowt for ages.

Thank god work are a family friendly bunch.
The flexibility of working from home sometimes helps. As does having a cleaner. But I'd still rather be working that not working as a career choice.

On a plus side usually once you have ridden out the first few months at nursery they are pretty hardy.

My DD hasn't had to have any time off school wheras other children were dropping like flies. My friends DS who went to the same nursery germ warfare breeding ground is the same.

There is some good advice here. IME once the first few months were out of the way it was pretty much plain sailing. School has been a doddle - 100% attendance certificates pretty much all the way. Plus my 2nd child also had fewer sick days after starting nursery as they'd already picked up stuff from the elder one.

I either made up the hours, got dh to do it, got my mum to do it, if it wasnt sickness/diorheoa then our nursery will take them for most things so she always went in with colds and some other illnesses. Also dont go sick yourself so save up your days off and after a while they wont get sick much as they get sick a lot at the start.

DD started our nursery at 4 months and was sick quite a lot chicken pox and everything but now she is over everything really.

i think it's hard to find the balance, but you can't beat yourself up. About an hour after finding out my employer is going to do a massive restructure resulting in about 40% of us losing our jobs I got "the call" from nursery saying my son was very poorly and could i come get him. I had to dash out the door.

Thankfully my dh could stay home from work today so I can go to a big meeting and I've tentatively booked thursday off in case he's still not better.

i keep telling myself that while I'm at work I give it my all, and when I'm with the kids i give them my all. Yes things slip sometimes and aren't ideal, but like other posters have said when they are at nursery they pick up everything. I'm praying that by the time they start primary they will have the immune systems of an ox!

Agree with the above. It's critical that DH does his share (if he can) and as Filly mentioned, you need a plan B.
After many years of juggling nursery, CM, after school clubs, we are now in the fortunate position of having a Nanny. Therefore, we don't have to worry too much about poorly kids and as she is fantastic, she has only had one sick day in two years.

Get nursery to phone DH. Mine always bloody phone me first, even though they know I teach so a. can't answer the phone (hence irate women from the office coming to find me) and b. can't leave immediately.

They also don't believe that ds always has very soft, occcasionally runny poos, so they often want him taking home in case he is ill. (He's had one stomach bug in 2.6 years. At 4 months old.)

Dh can answer his phone, can leave and can make up the time again.

Unfortunately DP can't help at the mo as he is working away, if he was local he would help out, so due to the nature of his work and mine, it often falls to me.

Work are very understanding, the trouble is I went back to work on the 1st August after maternity leave and then on the 21st August I broke my arm and had to have an operation so again had time off.

In all the years I've worked leading up to this year I have rarely had time off, so a run of bad luck at the moment is an understatement.

I do swap days where possible and gladly do the odd bit from home, but it still doesn't stop me feeling like I'll begin to get a reputation for 'she's always off with something or other that one'.

It does get better, as others have said the first few months at nursery are a complete and utter bug-fest.

DGPs were our plan B, and I never, ever took sick days. I worked 2 days, then had a day off, then worked my third day so I basically hauled my arse in no matter what.

Can you take a couple of the recent days as holidays, to show willing?

Also my family are a brilliant help as are DPs but I've relied on them so much recently too that I feel guilty on all sides.

I feel endlessly guilty on the same count. DH can almost never help out as he has a lot of meetings and, frankly, a more important job than me. My employers are very flexible which almost makes me feel worse. I do a mixture of swapping round working days (I do this to suit work wherever possible too), using holiday, phoning family, working from home, working in the evenings/weekends to make up time...

And sometimes, when I get 'that call' from nursery, I sit at my desk and cry at how hard it is to juggle everything. Not much help to you, but please know that you aren't alone in despairing sometimes!

HannahZ I cried this morning, in front of my boss. Way to go too look all professional. At least he could see I'd actually anticipated going to work because I'd almost reached nursery by the time she was sick which is on site so called into the office to explain the situation to him rather than calling.

I sometimes just wish that I could pack it all in to remove the stress of childcare, but I know that without getting out and using my brain, and bringing in my fair share of income to the household I'd flounder and be restless.

Today I just don't know which way to turn (and the day is nearly over!)

It can be very difficult I totally agree. I am extremely fortunate to have a really understanding boss and team at work but even so we are also having a spate of illness in our house and not just bugs but for me some totally out of nowhere heart problems. I have gone from never really having time off to barely managing a whole week at work for a few months. It makes me feel so guilty. Anyway, this week I got some new medication and am feeling great and now DD is ill!

I went back to work after maternity leave 4 weeks ago. Since then it's been a neverending round of illness. I'm now ill with proper flu (bedridden for the best part of a week) and am completely mortified at the thought of being "THAT woman" who's always got some sort of personal emergency going on. DH & I have no local family and no one who can help us out in a crisis & both work condensed hours so there's no wiggle room at all.

I just have to keep faith that eventually DiddyCakes will start being immune to the nursery bugs. DiddyDragon was endlessly ill for the first bit of nursery, but is ok now so I know it's possible!

I head up a team of women at work - including mothers. I mostly chalk it down to "one of those things" if someone is taking lots of time off, but I would after a bit start looking at whether the time off should be unpaid, and also I would take a dim view of things if partners weren't also taking time off.

I'm afraid I wouldn't be impressed if one of my team told me that their partner had a more important job than them. Everyone in the team needs to do their jobs, or the burden would fall to someone else in the team which just isn't fair.

TiredofYorks this will sound brutal but in my experience you need to do whatever it takes not to cry at work over the frustration of parenting/work.

It is incredibly hard but if you give your boss ideas that you are emotional / unreliable / at the mercy of the kids / apologetic they will try to replace you with someone just like you were, but pre-kids. Your boss, ultimately cares about her targets/department not your or your kids welfare. It's maybe not right but it is how it is.

You need the hide of a rhino and someone outside work to cry and shout at.

Really really hope it gets better for you!

Astronaut - so does my dd (aged 3.2).
Nursery pulled me aside fairly soon after she started there and asked if i'd seen a doctor. I hadn't (hadn't realised the soft poos were unusual as she'd always done them!) so after a guilt-fest I booked in to see a GP. We received a diagnosis of 'Toddler diahorreah' which, as the GP explained, simply means that some kids do have very runny poos and they don't know why, so they have ascribed it to 'immature bowels' but there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. They grow out of it, usually by the time they are at school.
(We are starting to see a gradual improvement). I discussed it with nursery and they have been brilliant. Which is just as well because, just as the GP warned me, potty training has been a total nightmare and we still haven't cracked it. Dry within 2 days, still dirty after a month. Nursery have had to put in a lot of support so i'm grateful that I went to the GP as it's useful to have a medical 'diagnosis' to throw at people! Maybe if your nursery are being difficult then a trip to the GP to get a 'diagnosis' would help.

It is always a nightmare. I am freelance, if I don't turn up I don't get paid. I also have to find cover if I can't work. 100% my responsibility to find someone. If I don't I would loose my job. So today sent child with nasty cold in to school, couldn't find cover or anyone willing to look after child. Was called by school to pick him up, I did when I finished work. (2.00pm) I am working again tonight. DH working late, so 15 yr old DS will babysit. Tomorrow a friend has agreed to look after the little one, God knows what I am going to do for the rest of the week.
I would love not to have this hideous juggle, but we need the money, what can I do??
OP I sympathise