Annoyed by friend's cheering up tactics

[ClaireFromWork]

I have a friend who, whenever the proverbial hits the fan, will send texts and saccharin photos of her DC doing something (e.g. on a swing, dressing up, choc smeared over face, smiling cutely). Now I am very fond of the DC in question but something about this irks me.

Last Friday I had a car crash (some idiot ploughed through a red light at a crossroad and went right into the drivers side, where I was) and was at home the next day just recovering and feeling quite shaken and tearful. Not really able to cope with my own kids and DH was trying to keep them calm and quiet, taking them out so I could just recover and get myself back together.

Friend texts me with "Hope ur OK. Here's a pic to cheer you up LOL" and there's a pic her DC going down a slide together.

Now I'm fond of her DC and really enjoy their company, but why does she think that when I'm feeling crappola I have any interest in cheesy pics of them.

I'd much prefer that she bloody well rang me and actually asked me how I was properly. It is now at the point that I dread her texts whenever something lairy's gone on because it puts me in a position of having to coo and ahhh over the cuteness of her DC when in actual fact I'm in a totally different place at that point.

Suspect a flaming coming as it's AIBU, but be gentle as I still feel bashed up.

Kids cheer up bereaved people at funerals? On what planet?

It was on a thread saying that the OP had been asked not to take her kids to a funeral as they were too young. She thought this was unreasonable. Several posters were seriously posting saying that when they took their young kids to a funeral it had cheered up Auntie x, etc who although bereaved, was cheered by seeing their DC.

I did think I was on another planet as I posted things like....well Auntie x may have been cheered up, but many peopel will be just too upset to pay attention to your DCs, etc. And i was told I was wrong.

Oh agree on that one lesley33 - yes am in the depths of misery about my spouse of 50 years dying but one look at your average toddler and suddenly all is fine again. Honestly.

Thanks calamitykate and tread warily though did make me laugh.

Some people think their kids are the dog's bollocks. They aren't. Nobody else finds them interesting, or soul-soothing.
My SIL sends me pics of her kids all the time. I bin them. What on earth would I want with loads of pics of somebody elses children? I've got three kids of my own thanks.
Poor you thats really annoying. I'm also embarrassed for the women who thinks her kids are thank important to you.
Dunno why but kittens always cheer me up though?

YANBU, everyone knows that it's YouTube kitten videos which are required for cheering up. Other people's kids are only an acceptable substitute if the photo is genuinely more hilarious / cute than a kitten chasing a laser pointer (v rare).

The only ones who are possibly as taken with your DC as you are are the grandparents and not even them in all cases.

X-post with daintynuts - it's all about the kitties.

OMG people think kids cheer up the bereaved! Who are these muppets? I demand to know and put them right

Tbf dainty, I think there's an element of truth to it when we're talking about actual babies at the wake - they may be a welcome sight to the wider family, though not the near relatives, widows etc.
Toddlers running around the crematorium during the ceremony, not so much.

Yes there may be. But to those who are most affected by the bereavement thecdemand to be cheered up or interact with a baby or toddler is imo highly insensitive. And at funerals it should be those closest to the person who has died whose needs are most taken into account.

dilys price I honestly can't think of a scenario where kids would help apart from if the parent had died and the partner was looking at their own children.
I still think people have an inflated view of their own children's 'value' to others.

Funerals I have been to (of elderly people who've lived a full life) people do like to see small children there -- reminder of the circle of life and so forth (although saying it will "cheer them up" is simply crass). But then my family on both sides is from cultural backgrounds where not having children at a funeral would be considered very odd, so that's the starting point.

(and obviously should always be entirely up to the bereaved family whether they want children there, and if they don't that should be accepted without complaint)

Calamity like your thinking. Star jumps always make me PMSL, especially at funerals Lesley

I had no idea you tube vids of kittens chasing lasers existed. Next time she has a crisis I'll send her those (and appropriate star jump / roast dinner pics too for good measure).

Don't comment on the photos then - text her back and say something like 'feeling awful, would love a phonecall'.

"Sorry, can't see photo -- my new phone tariff doesn't cover picture messaging. Thanks for your good wishes, though."

I wouldn't go as far as to say that well behaved toddlers cheer up funeral goers - but they can be a good distraction at a very sad time.

You have two choices - either start sending her photos of the most boring things you can find (photos of the kids school etc) in order to bore her to death or you start sending her rude photos (rudely arranged fruit and veg, a bottom shot etc) to try and make things more fun

My mum asked for my dcs to come to my grandmas funeral. Mil brought them over specially.

Op, I really sympathise. If it helps to take your mind off things there are some cute pics of my ds and dd on my profile...
:o

Thanks Stealth. V. Cute even coming from me but more intruiged by haunted basement.

OP YANBU at all! I culled a friend who thought that "ellie cuddles" cured all heartbreaks - FUCK OFF WITH YOUR BABY I BROKE UP WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE WHO I THOUGHT I'LD HAVE MY OWN BABIES WITH, GET IT OUT OF MY FACE I'M NOT IN THE MOOD TO FAKE COOS ABOUT HOW LIKE A BABY SHE SMELLS AND TAKE ME OUT FOR A DRINK TO CRY INTO!

but IMO kids do make funerals better - circle of life and all that, and I think its better for the kids to go than for it to be a taboo that they're told they're too young to endure.

"ellie cuddles = boak
"drink to cry into" = my kinda gal.

Oh sorry op I have just worked out what you're mn about! You weren't actually meant to look at my profile you know :o
Haunted basement was from another thread, think we were all trying to see the ghost dog in the picture. I don't live there, I wish I had a basement, haunted or otherwise!

IMP It's not cute, it's a thinly masked way of bringing every conversation back to them in some way rather than ever stepping out of their own little world to give anyone else's problems their full attention for 5 minutes!

more ex friend gems:
"oo you can come round for a play with ellie to practice!"
instead of "congratulations on your pregnancy, how are you feeling? what's your due date?"

"I'll bring ellie round for a cuddle when you're settled in"
not "how's the new place, hows the unpacking"

I gave enough of the conversations up to her 100% but she never gave me 100% IYKWIM, there was always a bit about her that had to come into it!

At certain times, like the OP's car crash, you are not UR to expect some FULL attention to be just about you for at lest the duration of a text or a quick phone call! So IMO it's not just cringey - its also quite self centred!