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Original poster

AIBU to find Dennis Waterman's remarks disgusting?

109 replies

YouOldSlag · 19/03/2012 23:08

On the front page of tomorrow's Mirror is this quote from Dennis Waterman "Yes I hit Rula, but clever women make men lash out"

Speechless. I hope nobody ever hires him again. (Not that lots of people are at the moment, but you know what I mean).

OP posts:
PurpleBlue · 20/03/2012 08:15

I feel ashamed to admit I used to have a crush on him when he was in minder

Thetokengirl · 20/03/2012 08:17
Shock YADNBU
ToothbrushThief · 20/03/2012 08:20

I can't see why marriage/relationships excuse violence?

An assault in the street and the police rock up and say 'well tbh victim you were being a bit clever and the assaulter was irritated by this, causing you to receive a punch to the head... so we'll let them off and you should think more carefully in future about being clever!'

It makes sense in his world obviously...

SweetGrapes · 20/03/2012 08:32

I am not a chauvinist but I think women belong at home....
Ummm... yes, you are

The man's a neanderthal. It's all over the interview....
If she is intelligent and the man doesn't get a word in, he will thump her...
Can almost see his knuckles dragging along... Sadly, there are lots like him

HillyWallaby · 20/03/2012 08:32

Right, read it now. It is as I thought. To be fair to him, I don't think he is trying to justify it exactly, or say that she deserved it, or any woman deserves it. He is merely trying to explain honestly what goes through a wife-beater's head when he feels frustrated at the lack of control he has over a woman who refuses to bow down and accept that he is boss and he has the final word. How dare she? What's a simple man to do?

He said he feels very ashamed. It's a difficult situation to talk about publicly - whatever he says it will sound wrong really - because what he did was wrong. There is nothing he can say that will make it ok, but it really depends on whether you are able to see it for what it is - an attempt to explain how he lost control not an attempt to convince us that she is responsible for his lack of control.

They are two different things. Personally I think under the circumstances it would be best just to not talk about it at all, as he can't come across well however he puts it, and if that means not taking a fee to go on Piers Morgan then so be it.

CuttedUpPear · 20/03/2012 08:46

Love Kathy Lette.
Sean Connery as well - ?? Will need to adjust my world view today.
At least now I know why I've never liked Waterman.

IjustLOVEmen · 20/03/2012 08:59

I'm really really pleased that this has been published / said / filmed.

It shows just how much ignorance there is about DV and is a perfect example of what we on here say about how these men think about THEIR wives.

He is literally a text book denier. And it should be plastered over every paper as an example of how many abusers think about women (should not be intelligent, should not answer back /stand up for themselves, should be 'at home', and wound him up) and should be challenged at every level.

Good work Dennis.

MrsArchieTheInventor · 20/03/2012 09:05

"... but clever women make men lash out" - and clever men don't lash out!

HillyWallaby · 20/03/2012 09:13

Look I don't want to sound like I am defending him Ijust but how can you say he is a denier? What is he denying exactly? As I said upthread it's always going to be a tough job trying to explain what went through his head at the time without it sounding like justification or shifting the blame - but seriously, he is saying how he felt when faced with someone who made mincemeat of him intellectually in an argument, and saying how he dealt with it (by making literal mincemeat out of her) being in denial? He is not actually saying he was right or entitled to do that. Although I admit he could say a bit more about how ashamed he is and a bit less about how he felt then.

The only thing I can see he may be in denial about is how many times he hit her, and whether it constituted being a regular thing or not. Of course I'm sure it would have become more regular, had she not left him.

IjustLOVEmen · 20/03/2012 09:15

Denying that it was his fault

Instead it was this woman's fault who wound him up was a bit too mouthy.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 20/03/2012 09:18

he is a twat. FACT! I have it from a good source what a cnut he is towards women and people in general.

IjustLOVEmen · 20/03/2012 09:20

Hilly - I do think that he does sound like he thinks he was very entitled to hit a woman who was 'getting the better of him'. He is the fella after all etc etc.

cory · 20/03/2012 09:23

I don't get why he has to explain what is going through his head. What's wrong with saying "what I did was inexcusable, I was wrong and that is my fault" and leaving it at that?

Besides if he is not totally misquoted he does rather more than just explain:

?It?s not difficult for a woman to make a man hit her.?

He seems to see it as something that is beyond a man's control if a woman is of a certain type (note the revealing use of the word "happens"):

"But if a woman is a bit of a power freak and determined to put you down, and if you?re not bright enough to do it with words, it can happen."

Not the man's responsibility in other words.

MissMarplesEasterEggs · 20/03/2012 09:24

Yuck! it is good he admitted it, how sad he blames someone else for his behaviour! It shines a light on Hannah's relationship attitude and behaviour too!

Shriekable · 20/03/2012 09:29

My ex used to fold his arms across his chest and barge into me. He did this so he could then say that he literally 'never raised a fist' at me. And he blamed me too - apparently I drove him to it, because rather than agree to whatever he said & let him treat me like crap, I actually had the cheek to stand up for myself. Shameful. We split up 7 years ago but I know that to this day he still maintains he was never violent to me. It's as though some people think that violence is ok in certain situations and it's going to take a lot of work to change this perception.

HillyWallaby · 20/03/2012 09:31

But he isn't saying it was her fault. He is saying he did it because she was clever and got the better of him verbally and intellectually in an argument, and he was comparatively thick ill-equpped and unable to respond intelligently and calmly, and so lashed out. That is not at all the same as saying it is her fault or that she deserved it or caused it!

doubleshotespresso · 20/03/2012 09:32

No YARNBU!

Maybe the front page should read- "Thick blokes have a serious lack of vocabulary- and so hit their women instead of talking to them".

And he was in a show called "minder"? Oh the irony....

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 20/03/2012 09:36

It comes across badly to me. It seems like he is saying

If a woman steps out of line and you can't beat her back into her "place" with words then you might have no option but to do it with your fists.

ShockAngry

Sorry officer she walked into my fist - if only she had looked where she was going.

As for Sean Connery - an open handed slap from a 6'2" ex bodybuilder - oh that's not really hitting is it! Hmm

cory · 20/03/2012 09:38

HillyWallaby Tue 20-Mar-12 09:31:33
"But he isn't saying it was her fault. "

He is saying (and I quote):

?It?s not difficult for a woman to make a man hit her.?

Notice the wording: the woman makes the man hit her. And it's not difficult, nothing odd or out of the way, totally normal. You see, women are like that, they make men do things. The responsibility lies with them.

IjustLOVEmen · 20/03/2012 09:38

He is absolutely saying it is her fault.......what blame is he taking? He is saying if she hadn't been intelligent (her fault), if she hadn't been able to verbally outdo him (her fault) then it would not have 'happened'.

Happened being the key word that demonstrates he believes he was not in control (not his fault and only due to her behaviour). This is a totally false belief and a typical denier status - in fact these men are perfectly in control, and use violence in a controlled way to try and put the women in her place.

HillyWallaby · 20/03/2012 09:42

I don't get why he has to explain what is going through his head. What's wrong with saying "what I did was inexcusable, I was wrong and that is my fault" and leaving it at that?

Yes, exactly. But that probably would not have been enough for the PM show producers - too dignified, too contrite, not sensationalist enough. Which is why, under the circumstances he should have stayed away and not tried to publicise himself.

whatsallthefuss · 20/03/2012 09:43

it seems to me that we are all in danger of a slap off him..... making remarks like that means that 99% of women are cleverer than him!

cory · 20/03/2012 09:45

HillyWallaby Tue 20-Mar-12 09:42:11
"I don't get why he has to explain what is going through his head. What's wrong with saying "what I did was inexcusable, I was wrong and that is my fault" and leaving it at that?

Yes, exactly. But that probably would not have been enough for the PM show producers - too dignified, too contrite, not sensationalist enough. Which is why, under the circumstances he should have stayed away and not tried to publicise himself."

You mean Piers Morgan made him say things he didn't want to? Poor little fellow, always being made to do things by other people.

sunshineandbooks · 20/03/2012 09:51

But by saying that she wasn't a beaten woman that he just hit her once or twice, he is denying responsibility.

Once violence has occurred, quite often it isn't needed again because the fear of it is a powerful enough weapon in its own right. IF he can't accept that, he's minimising her experience and so is still behaving in a classic abuser manner. And it did happen more than once by his own admission.

Secondly, it is exceptionally rare for violence to occur in a relationship without a context of other non-physical abuse. He may have only hit her twice, but I bet there were other, equally nasty but non-violent ways in which he abused her.

Thirdly, comments such as "it's not difficult for a woman to make a man hit her" make it clear that he believe women can make men hit them.

Rula Lenska claims that what Dennis Waterman classes as "We were going through a horrible time and arguing a lot" was actually a "violent, abusive pattern" and "There were times when he hit me. I became the object of his hate. It got so bad that he became abusive to me and my daughter, and the last time it happened I had to run out of the house in tears."

IjustLOVEmen · 20/03/2012 09:58

It is so warped that some men/society truly believe that because a woman is more intelligent than them they have a right to give them a slap. I despair of all of this at the moment. Our 'visitors' have opened my eyes to the bare faced entitlement that exists for men still, should they wish to use it (this being just another case) and just how deeply entrenched it all is.....