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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think too many people on here are too obsessed with other peoples' money?

105 replies

wannaBe · 19/03/2012 13:43

it's getting rather tedious..

too many threads complaining about what other people earn/spend/opinionating on if you can afford x and y then you must be rich, and if you can't then you're not, and on and on and on.

Really, who cares?

Why does it bother people so much how much other people have?

If you're happy, what does it matter? If you're not, and don't have enough money, being bitter about other people isn't going to change that.

Can't we just move on from obsessing about other peoples' money?

OP posts:
LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 20/03/2012 13:04

Yes LittleAlbert you do see that. And even worse, you get some smug posters saying, "Well why didn't you do x so many years ago, like I did, then you wouldn't be in this mess." The lack of empathy at times is astonishing, and also the refusal to believe in good or bad fortune - that if you have done well it must be all down to your hard work and if not, then it must be all your fault.

SanctiMoanyArse · 20/03/2012 13:10

Or that things change for people and that you have to be VERY rich to see out some life events without massive financial penalties.

Or that some people are very fortunate and marry money, or are born into it.

Or that some poor people work very hard for little reward; or that some rich people work very hard and miss their children dreadfully in an attempt to paying the mortgage.

A lot of it is defensiveness I think, esp. with those who did meet bad luck- everyone knows they are one bus accident away from disability / being a carer / widowhood / losing a child but some people deal with that by playing ostrich and desperately seeking to place the blame everywhere but at the door of fate.

ModernToss · 20/03/2012 13:44

I saw one poster on here recently boasting that she and her husband paid £250,000 in tax. I can't see one valid reason for announcing that.

SanctiMoanyArse · 20/03/2012 13:45

No me neither, although I do confess I describe myself as a taxpayer with pride after a long fight to manage it again- but exact amounts? nah.

WasabiTillyMinto · 20/03/2012 13:56

I thought the 250k post was a great one & showed how much one family can contribute to the common good (along aside other people contributing in other equally important ways).

yes we are all one step away from something dreadful happening, but i dont think it is defensiveness that makes most people - well me at least - not think about it.

my view is bad stuff is going to happen - at some point in your life - but that does not mean for most people, most of the time, you are completely powerless. there are things you cannot change, that are movable, but there are many things you can change.

the constant message on MN is someone with a well paying job is just lucky. now that is denial....

WasabiTillyMinto · 20/03/2012 14:02

i also note that the 250K tax poster's charity work was ignored.

PushedToTheEdge · 20/03/2012 14:03

Why are people so fixated on flaming people who mention money?

In one thread I mentioned money in order to provide some perspective and I got jumped on by various MNetters. The OP was asking if £x was a good salary for the job being offered. I thought it would be safe for me to mention money in that context. Wrong! I was advised that I should have said that I was 'comfortable' and that mentioning specifics was vulgar and boastful.

Yes there is nothing boring than someone constantly harping on about how expensive their sofa is and how much money they spent on their holiday or how much their new car is but come on. There are posters here who are so uptight about money that they will flip it around and attack those who aren't as uptight about it as them

wordfactory · 20/03/2012 14:13

The passing on of knowledge is the passing on of power.
The passing on of knowledge about money and how to make it, is invaluable.

The sooner we stop seeing the making of cash as either some magical formula, or pure luck, or not for the likes of us, or only for the ruthless, the better.

wordfactory · 20/03/2012 14:15

sancti yes of course we are all one step away from inadvertant tragedy...but what we are not all one step away from is compounding bad luck.

We all experience it. But some people exacerbate it. And they are always the ones putting everything down to luck.

PushedToTheEdge · 20/03/2012 14:21

... its a bit like some repressed spinster going onto the Relations forum and telling posters there that they have a problem with sexual matters because they keep talking about.

How about MNHQ setting up a forum callled Talk Money? MNetters who wants to know what kind of salary they can expect as a graduate for example can post the question without some person on minimum wage posting that they were being insensitive. And the Fiscally Retentives won't have to read about vulgar people discussing money matters.

LittleAlbert · 20/03/2012 14:21

Word factory - I agree with that.

And I also value the obvious expertise that some posters have in many different sectors, and how willing they are to give advice. That is also empowering.

I think what's irritating to many on a low income is the old 'I work hard' chestnut.

But then, some posters can start a fight in an empty chat room so there is that to contend with too when talking about money.

wordfactory · 20/03/2012 14:27

To be fair, I've never heard anyone say they earn a lot of money from simply working hard. They usually explain what else's is involved.

And again I think that's a good thing.

LittleAlbert · 20/03/2012 14:41

' I work hard,' yes that is a good thing, but( i don't need to tell you this) people on low incomes work hard too. I know many people with two jobs who still earn a relatively low wage ( and are taxed more highly on second job)

PushedToTheEdge · 20/03/2012 14:41

"I've never heard anyone say they earn a lot of money from simply working hard"

Over a period of 15 years my dad and my mother worked the hours of six people. They made their money by saving on wages as opposed to some original money making idea.

I guess you can never say never again :)

LittleAlbert · 20/03/2012 14:44

There are many people hedging their bets working seven days a week at two jobs not only for extra income but because of job insecurity - if they lose their main job, the weekend job remains and they can pick up overtime.

WasabiTillyMinto · 20/03/2012 14:55

one thing, that is definitely more important than hard work is confidence. or at least not letting any lack of confidence rule your actions.

i now spend my life out of my comfort zone, not being 100% sure i can do everything that is required, but i am so used to it i just get on with whatever needs doing.

but that only came from practice. it wasnt anything innate within me. it wasnt luck, it was repetition.

FilterCoffee · 20/03/2012 15:10

YABU. I'm enjoying the financial discussions and it's interesting to see how others see things, what they think are "essentials", how they spend their money and what their financial goals and priorities are.

lesley33 · 20/03/2012 15:13

I agree coffee. I actually I guess am pretty comfortable. But i am shocked by what some people think are essentials. So we have a nice 4 bedroom detached house with no mortgage. But about half the windows are still single glazed. Not because we can't afford to get them done - just cba and don't care about it. But I have seen people on MN describe single glazed windows in the context of having no money.

bijou3 · 20/03/2012 15:19

It is only when the rich are sick that they fully feel the impotence of wealth.

PushedToTheEdge · 20/03/2012 15:24

"It is only when the rich are sick that they fully feel the impotence of wealth" ... as they gaze out of the window of their private hospital suite, waiting for the expensive specialist to fly in from Geneva :o

As Steve Jobs has shown us, The Big C has no respect for wealth but something tells me that he wouldn't have lived as long if he wasn't rich. Its just a hunch.

bijou3 · 20/03/2012 15:37

It?s a quote by Benjamin Franklin meaning that wealth is of little consequence when you don?t have your health.

WasabiTillyMinto · 20/03/2012 15:38

bijou - do you think feeling impotence is a good thing generally or something rich people should experience?

SanctiMoanyArse · 20/03/2012 16:24

Perhaps WF.

But nobody knows what IS coming, and Ia ctually think if people were aware they might understand.

I know you know our circs but if anyone who does not- 4 disabled kids, DH was made redundant.

Shit luck that could happen to anyone, lost us our home and caused much hardship.

Now, DH retrained and has started a business; I did my degree whilst caring, am doing my MA, starting a business too so anyone who thinks we have not tried is - well- a prat, but it has taken time and poverty and hardship even with maximum effort to turn things around.

OTOH my sister is very well off and I know how much slog they have both put into their careers so am under no illusions it just came to them. But then neither did it to us- DH managed a road haulage fleet, me a department of a charity- and we still fell on our backsides for a while. I believe that for everybody who did sod all claiming benefits there are many with redundancies, ill health and the like and people should not take a snapshot of someone's life and assume that they have made no effort or indeed, have not experienced hardship to get there.

Works both ways.

SanctiMoanyArse · 20/03/2012 16:28

'There are many people hedging their bets working seven days a week at two jobs not only for extra income but because of job insecurity - if they lose their main job, the weekend job remains and they can pick up overtime

Yes; that is what saved our arses, DH had his 'hobby business' set up as well as his FT work. When he took a low income many years ago to get his initial traineeship, I worked 2 jobs.

But don't assume people can just pick up overtime in this climate, or that businesses grow quickly. It's just not reality in a world where hours are cut so often just to enable a business to survive. Plus, there are less jobs than people looking for them- a fact right now- so far less people can have 2 jobs.

LittleAlbert · 20/03/2012 17:25

Indeed. I have two jobs - one a flexible 'from home' job which doesn't pay much and another part time weekend/evening/night job which pays much better. If I lose one, I still have the other and I know I am lucky. But I do 'work hard' too Wink
And yes our overtime is bring slashed.