Are my friends BU to book their wedding one week before their best friends?

[firebreather]

We are friends with Couple A and Couple B, who are also best friends with each other. Groom B is going to be best man at A's wedding, and maybe vice versa (although I'm not totally sure).

Couple A got engaged 3 or 4 months ago and booked their wedding for September 2013. Couple B got engaged a couple of weeks ago. They were also looking to get married in September or October 2013. They looked around a few venues and found one they really liked, but the only date that was available in their time frame was the week before Couple A's wedding. Couple A are upset about it, presumably because they think Couple B are upstaging them. We are all in the same circle of friends, so quite a few of the guests will be going to both weddings.

I'm sure Couple B could have chosen a different date (ie. not in their Sept/Oct time frame), but it's not what they would prefer. I'm not sure of all the reasons they picked this particular time frame, but I suspect it's a combination of having enough time to save up money, not wanting to pay middle-of-the summer wedding prices, and not wanting to get married in winter. Possibly it could also be to do with where they want to go on honeymoon and picking the right season for that. Either way, I'm not sure if the reasons are particularly important.

Things have turned a bit sour, which is a real shame and has put us and some other friends in the middle of everything. So, who do you think is being unreasonable? I can understand where they are both coming from, but am feeling that Couple A are being a bit unreasonable.

I don't think they're BU at all. Do couple B own two months all of a sudden? IMO it always happens that groups of friends have a 'wedding season'.

Why? its not the same weekend. People do get married and don't have to accommodate other peoples wishes.

In your Op you state you dont know why they picked that date.

On that premis YABU to comment on other peoples wishes.

If the ones who get married first go away on honeymoon, they will probably miss the second wedding anyway..

Well I suppose I can see a bit where couple A are coming from. Apart from anythin else won't this mean that couple B won't be able to atend their best friend's weddings as they will be on honeymoon themselves.

I think that you should try to stay out of things and not take sides if you want to be friends with both.

Golly have people always arranged weddings so far in advance?

I think Couple B will go on honeymoon after A's wedding.

I may be getting by couples mixed up but I think the couple who got engaged first (A?) abu to think they "own" the preceeding weeks to their do too. Upstaged? Who do they think they are? Stuff and nonsense!

Im not getting the first wedding upstages the second - surely the second has a week to 'top' the first wedding? as if 'upstaging' and topping were important things in the great scheme of getting married.

I could slap myself sometimes - i thought the point of getting married was errr to get married - not havea round of upstagishness.... unless of course they are being filmed for My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding

It is a bit odd isn't it?

I'd be very confused as to what they did it - are they generally nice people?

Maybe I shouldn't have used the word upstaged. I don't mean in terms of who is going to throw the most extravagant party. I think that Couple A (the ones who are getting married second) are concerned that people won't consider their day to be as special.

Do you mean Couple A MrsCampbellBlack? Yes, both couples are generally nice people. I think weddings just tend to make emotions run high.

It is a bit inconsiderate of the second couple to get married so close to the date already set by they first couple. Weddings are bloody expensive for guests, never mind the happy couple!.. two outfits, two presents, two lots of babysitters if needed....

Perhaps - just perhaps - both sets have mutual friends who live abroad and and need close weddings to justify flight costs?

but hey-ho - no one ever made a law saying no one I know can get married within 3 months of me.

I think I'm with you - there's never a date to suit everyone involved in a wedding, and if this is the only date that Couple B could get that worked for them, that's when they are going to get married. But I do understand why Couple A are annoyed - presumably they think that some people won't come to theirs because doing two in two weekends isn't possible for everyone?

Meh.

Our best friends got engaged after us, and had their wedding a few weeks after ours in the same venue, with the same band and mostly the same guests.

I was a bit pissed off about the band to be honest, but dealt with it.

The guests loved both. :)

Ps - poor you and your other friends to be caught in the middle of this. Sounds like it's not going to be easy

I think couple B are being a bit unreasonable.
If they have the same group of friend's who are going to be expected to go to back to back weddings then these friends are going to feel a bit wedding fatigued come couple As big day
If couple B want the same month they should do it the weekend after.

Also I would be a bit put out as a friend of these couples having to spend two consecutive weekends at weddings. Thoughtless all round.

Sorry, OP, I know you are just thinking things through because of your relationship with both couples, but I think the reasoning that having your weddings a week apart somehow makes the second of the two 'less special' for Couple A is a bit mad, and does imply that Couple B should acknowledge that Couple A had 'reserved' an entire chunk of time in which to be special...?

If it's not a matter of one couple being sorry that their best friends will miss their wedding because of being on honeymoon, then what on earth is the resentment about? Wouldn't it in fact be kind of nice to be able to share organisational and planning woes with your best friends because their weddings are so close in time? I'm due to give birth tomorrow, and would love it if my closest friend was due then too, because it would have been such a support all along to be moving towards the same date with the same concerns. I don't 'own' the day, just as I cannot honestly imagine feeling I had first dibs on the first week of March because I was getting married....?

I mean, do Couple A really feel their wedding is going to be diminished by its proximity to the wedding of their best friends?

"... are concerned that people won't consider their day to be as special".

At some point in the planning, I hope they they will realise that guests actually don't see someone else's wedding day as "special". Are you able to mediate at all? It sounds as if there are early signs of the bridezillas, and I think you would be doing everyone a favour if they can be tactfully and unobtrusively steered towards a more realistic world-view.

HardCheese - I don't know what Couple A are thinking, I just know that they are angry with B.

gamerwidow I'm not sure if the weekend after is available at B's venue, but in any case wouldn't that be worse as A would then have to wait more than a week to go on honeymoon?

troisgarcons no that's not it. The mutual friends all live within an hours drive.

I meant couple B.

I just wouldn't book my wedding a week before that of close friends. But then I wouldn't 'steal' my friend's baby name either

It just seems a bit off to me.

Think that couple A are being u but I think you need to reassure them that their fears are groundless.

Our friends got married the week before us and I can't tell you how special it was to be listening to someone saying their vows knowing next week it would be our turn. The weddings were v different and I don't think our mates compared.

That said they did wear the same outfits both weekends....

Isn't it more to do with people will prepare for the first wedding then decide they can't afford the second one

Can all mutual friends afford both weddings?

Lordy yes the cost. 2 lots of hen/stag extravaganzas, outfits, presents, drink - I wouldn't have wanted 2 weddings that close together.