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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are my friends BU to book their wedding one week before their best friends?

87 replies

firebreather · 18/03/2012 18:12

We are friends with Couple A and Couple B, who are also best friends with each other. Groom B is going to be best man at A's wedding, and maybe vice versa (although I'm not totally sure).

Couple A got engaged 3 or 4 months ago and booked their wedding for September 2013. Couple B got engaged a couple of weeks ago. They were also looking to get married in September or October 2013. They looked around a few venues and found one they really liked, but the only date that was available in their time frame was the week before Couple A's wedding. Couple A are upset about it, presumably because they think Couple B are upstaging them. We are all in the same circle of friends, so quite a few of the guests will be going to both weddings.

I'm sure Couple B could have chosen a different date (ie. not in their Sept/Oct time frame), but it's not what they would prefer. I'm not sure of all the reasons they picked this particular time frame, but I suspect it's a combination of having enough time to save up money, not wanting to pay middle-of-the summer wedding prices, and not wanting to get married in winter. Possibly it could also be to do with where they want to go on honeymoon and picking the right season for that. Either way, I'm not sure if the reasons are particularly important.

Things have turned a bit sour, which is a real shame and has put us and some other friends in the middle of everything. So, who do you think is being unreasonable? I can understand where they are both coming from, but am feeling that Couple A are being a bit unreasonable.

OP posts:

MrsBeakman · 19/03/2012 11:03

Confusion Maybe your son and the other univited non married partners should get together and go to the pub and have a mini party of their own. Then they can all turn up late and pissed to the evening bit. That will put the bride's nose out of joint! :o

OhTheConfusion · 19/03/2012 12:17

Oh MrsBeakman, just realised I was writing DS, it was ment to be Dsis... my DS is still in primary school!

However I shall suggest a mini pre wedding party to her

Original poster

firebreather · 19/03/2012 12:39

Gosh confusion, that is insane! I would be very very upset if I were your Dsis.

OP posts:

ViviPru · 19/03/2012 12:40

OP, What's your take on the situation now having read the responses here?

wineandroses · 19/03/2012 14:03

Confusion I think that's really insulting to your DSIS given that her DP and the Groom are such good friends. If it were me, I'd decline the invitation.

mindgone · 19/03/2012 14:11

19years ago we got engaged and said we planned to marry in the sept. DH did not want to plan the wedding until he had passed the exam he was working for (superstitious!). Next thing our BFs decided to get married - in september! Yes, I was a bit miffed, because then we had to plan our wedding around theirs, esp because we wanted to go to theirs, I was a BM. In the end, it was good to learn what we did and didn't like from theirs, eg. me realising that I should drink no alcohol before food! As others have said, you have a choice, to 'rise above it', or become bitter, I advise the former! Our BFs are now divorced, and that adds a whole new level of complications!!

marcopront · 19/03/2012 14:11

My two best friends from school got married on consecutive days - Saturday and Sunday. The Saturday one in Wales and the Sunday one in Solihull. A couple of us made it to both.

paranoidmother · 19/03/2012 14:19

My parents got engaged after my godparents but decided to get married 3 days after my godparents, so that they had to cut their honeymoon short to attend parents wedding.

I don't think there is a right answer.

Original poster

firebreather · 19/03/2012 19:26

ViviPru

There's a huge mix of responses here, and I can see it from both sides. I think the key is that Couple B should have talked to A about things before booking the venue. They should have explained that for reasons x, y and z that this date was best for them, and that they hoped A would understand. Hopefully A would then have been more gracious, and the two couples could have seen this as a positive thing, similar to some of the experiences of posters on here. As it is, they are both annoyed and stubborn right now.

So I don't know who was in the right and who was in the wrong, they have both acted a bit thoughtlessly really.

OP posts:

Molehillmountain · 19/03/2012 19:33

I got married the same summer as three other couples we knew. Inevitable really-and quite nice to have weddings to go to before and after.

ViviPru · 19/03/2012 19:40

You're absolutely right, fire. I hope it all resolves itself without causing too much upset for you.

FilterCoffee · 19/03/2012 20:13

YABU. I expect they have just chosen a date which suits them and their close families without even thinking about "upstaging" anyone. It's a shame others are choosing to read it that way.

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