To never want to host another child's party as long as I live in this area?

[lecce]

So ds1 had his party today and, as he is in YR and we don't have a huge circle of friends/his friends outside school, we invited the whole class. Having hired a local hall and bouncy castle, we sent out invitations 3 weeks ago. The three people who we know outside school and we were pretty certain of anyway responded with 'Yes' straight away.

A couple of others who are not in his class but whose dc he plays with after school in a nearby park responded positively and promptly too. We had three quick 'Nos' and three quick 'Yeses' from his class and nothing from the rest. Nothing.

So last week dh, sahd, began chivvying parents at the school gates and got 8 'Yeses', including 2of ds's friends he mentions quite a bit, so I was pleased to be able to tell him that they were certainly coming. One bloke said he would come but then said it had been nice to meet dh if he didn't make it! Wtf - either you commit to attending or you make your apologies - do people not realise the amount of time and effort it takes to plan these events - made all the more difficult because you don't know how many are coming?

Today, of these last 8, 4 didn't come, including the 2 who are ds's particular friends. AIBU to think this incredibly rude? Moreover, of the children from his class who did come, several did not bring presents! One of them left as soon as child was dropped off and left no present (this one hadn't rsvp'd at all -even verbally) AIBU to think she was totally taking the piss and that she saw it as 2 hours free childcare?

I have spent the last 2 months worrying about this event, not least because we don't know loads of people and I sometimes worry about ds socially at school (though am told by dh and his teacher there is no problem - I am a little anxious as a person). It did go well - ds and those who attended had a ball and ds has gone to bed very happy. But...I am now surrounded by unused party bags and a lot of uneaten food and I just wonder - wtf can't people rsvp and, more importantly turn up when they have said they would?

YANBU as your children get older, the more events you plan for them the more you will discover some people are just plain rude.

They don't care about your plans, your dc or any expense you maybe going to to enure your dc and theirs have a lovely time - they are just rude.

I know the first time it happens it is shocking but i'm afraid some people just think it is fine to behave like this.

I have had people not even acknowledge my invites to dcs parties, ignore me at the school gates and then have the cheek to turn up and ask why their dc doesn't have a party bag!

Drives me insane it's so rude.

Agree with the above, some people are just rude and it's all about them, they don't think about the work you have put in. DS is a lot younger but at his 1st Bday party last year, I invited 2 people who didn't even RSVP. Now I have to endure pictures of their children's birthday parties for which DS wasn't invited. Okay, I get the message but if I didn't want to go to something I would at least reply. YANBU.

YABU to expect presents , and its quite normal to drop kids off and leave them at parties

Pictures on the dreaded Facebook!

YANBU - I had a problem with getting RSVPs from parents. I know plan a special day out with for my dc's birthdays with either a few close friends or family only. The relief to not have to chase people is immense.

Glad your ds had a nice time anyway. :)

sorry, now not know

Just out of interest, what age are children left at parties?

YANBU. There are always threads like this on here. Yes they are incredibly rude but for some reason this seems to be quite common behaviour for some people. I don't understand it myself, go if you want to, don't if you don't just bloody RSVP and stick with it, if you can't make it last minute let the host know! I would just say be happy that your DS did enjoy his day, unfortunately there's not much you can do about it now.

Sorry to hear this. It is so upsetting when you go to so much effort and some people take the piss, so YADNBU. I wonder if the 2 friends' parents who said they were coming will even bother with an excuse. Your poor DS.
We have managed to avoid a party since DS was 6, thank goodness, although if he was desperate for another one, would re-thibk.

Re-think.

Sorry, why AIBU to expect presents? This is a new one on me - I would never dream of attending a party and not bringing a present and, I might add, most of these people didn't even bring cards either! And, I don't want to drip-feed but one woman who brought no present received a present from us at her ds's party a little while ago. I know you don't give to receive but surely you bring presents, or at the very least cards, to birthday parties?

Yadnbu! Had the same issue on DD's birthday a small affair at our house I invited 6 girls from the class and not one got back to me . The day before party I had to put notes in all their lunch bags asking parents to phone me as I didn't know what food to buy party bags etc. I thought it was just me but clearly not! I will not be putting us all through that drama again!

The child left was four or five - don't know which as I have no clue who he is and had to aske ds his name. I know it is normal to leave children and it was no problem, but I would never leave my child somewhere when I hadn't even made sure they were expecting him as I hadn't RSVP'd. I think it's odd - the not replying then leaving, not the leaving itself. And, yes, to not even acknowledge invitation, turn up with no card/present and then leave for the full two hours makes me feel a bit used.

I wouldn't care if people didn't bring presents

I agree with you lecce, I wouldn't dream of going to a party and not taking a present, I think that is very rude.
I know some people don't have a lot of money but it's not about the cost, it's about being thoughtful and it doesn't have to cost the world to be appreciated.

Whilst I've also experienced the "not replying", the "saying you'll come and not turning up" and the "no presents" you seem to have been particularly unfortunate.

Some random thoughts

• was it very clear that it was DS's birthday party and not just some random party you'd decided to throw?

• I think the "big hall party" is a prime candidate for people being vague and not turning up - the expectation is that you have lots coming so one more or less makes no odds. IME people are better at committing to the sort of parties where you they know you have to give numbers in advance.

• (as you've found out) people you know personally are less likely to mess you about. I've forced myself to talk to "scary woman in the playground" as my DD likes her DD - you don't have to be best buddies but the odd bit of small talk does mean you are less of an unknown quantity

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a present or even money in a card either. Luckily, we have never been in this situation, but if we really couldn't afford a gift, then we would politely decline an invitation in good time, rather than let DS attend without a gift.

I agree that you are NBU to be pissed off with the lack of manners but the presents, I wouldn't expect them to bring a present.

I don't think it's unreasonable either. You go to a birthday party you take a birthday present, i didn't think it was optional.

YANBU- I have done the whole party thing, it's a nightmare.
Booking somewhere, hoping your date doesn't clash with someone elses party.
Trying to arrange entertainment.
Knowing that you will be left with a load of leftover food.
All the planning and expense for two hours.

I did Reception parties for both DC (whole class) then cut down the numbers after that- cinema, adventure days, parties at home (pizza&film)

FWIW I think it's bloody rude to turn up with no present. It's like someone saying "Well I'm here aren't I, that's good enough for you"
Even some money in a card if it's last minute.

And I overheard some mums outside school "Oh she's got another party invite, I hate all these parties" Well, news love, they aren't for you they are for your child to enjoy.

Stashes SoapBox under sofa.

Your DS will make some special friends soon, and big class parties will (happily) be a thing of the past.

FWIW, I don't count who brings presents and who doesn't, but I would always take a gift to a party.

I do expect RSVPs to be sorted.

I think it is bloody rude to not bother to reply and then just turn up, or to leave a little-y without ensuring it is OK first, plenty at 4-5 will be very upset by something or other at some point in a party. Round here they are not routinely left until Y1 (5-6).

So you expect presents? bloody hell is that why you have parties?

I don't blame you for being pissed off - I would be furious. People are very rude indeed. I suspect people are a bit more cavalier when you have a party at home because they think 'oh well, one won't make any difference' but the fact is that if there are loads of 'ones', they really do.

I would be delighted if people didn't feel obliged to bring presents as I think a child who invites loads of kids is absolutely inundated and there's something slightly repellent about that. But the rudeness of the parents would really piss me off. There is only one child whose parents didn't RSVP nor did he turn up at the party. DS told me that the child had said his mum had screwed up the invitation and thrown it in the bin

I have no idea who this child is thankfully but he won't be getting an invitation next year.

No, but surely it's polite to bring along a small token to show your appreciation?

No i have parties for my dd's to celebrate their birthdays.

I have never been to a party without taking a present and i always make sure my dds take a lovely present with them whenever they are invited to a party.

I have honestly never encountered anyone who wouldn't take a present to a party - why would you not take a present?