to think some women need to give their DH/DP a kick up the arse

[chairmanofthebored]

This may not end well but here goes.....

I have met so many fed up mums who are doing the lion's share of the childcare, housework and general running of the household, while their DH/DP get let off the hook.

I understand that some men have busy and stressful jobs but so do many women. It seems to me that these men use their jobs as an excuse for general fuckwittery.
I hate to state the bleedin' obvious here but why can't these women just tell their men to pull their fingers out and help? Surely its got to beat continuously moaning about having to do everything?

Of course i know not all men are like this, but what i don't understand is why some women let them get away with it.

I think you are right narked. It is quite anti-men in some ways...oh these poor men they are just not up to doing x, y and z.

I agree absolutely about women who moan. What is the point of that?

However, I must say I don't mind at all that DH does few chores. He works daft hours. Is often away. When he's here I want him hanging out with DC and me! Not hoovering.

I sort the the house and kids. I outsource a hell of a lot of it.

DH does his bit. He works very very hard. He also does all the paperwork (bill paying, investments, sourcing quotes etc) which is time consuming but somehting he can do remotely. He will also do bitty DIY that we don't outsource.

He really does not need a kid up the arse.

wordfacyory - I hope no DP's here need a KID up the arse

AGREE

what the F is with these man-children that just let their wives do everything ffs

there is no excuse for it and it makes me despair when i hear of women putting up with it

Barbi that's totally, utterly unreasonable,selfish and lazy.

I had 3 under 15 months and I managed perfectly well to do the basics(we're not that house proud).The kids often had nap times,helped me,played happily without needing me,had CBeebie's time.There is more than enough time to clean the odd loo,hoover,empty washing machines etc.It's hardly drudgery.

Sorry when I handed dp the full financial load onto his shoulders after I requested I give up my job to be a SAHM I fail to see what benefit our family as a whole would have from me refusing to do anything until dp got home after a full on day with no lunch break and a commute to boot.

When dp gets home we like to kick back, relax and have a fun time together all 5 of us not to start cleaning the house.

The last poster who started a thread like this whining about her dp not putting the bins out after work I saw bragging on another thread how she spent the morning in a coffee shop.

It is all about what we teach our DCs and what we accept as 'the norm.'

My dp is perfectly capable and does mop the floors,do the bins,cleans the loos now and again,cooks now and again,most diy,car stuff etc. We work as a team however I work part time.

If I was a full time SAHM like before I'd do the lion's share because it's a fair division of labour.

If men don't want to do housework or childcare, how do you make them do it?

I don't know how to make people do something they don't want to do.

Can one of the posters criticising women whose husbands don't do housework or their share of the childcare please explain how they would make a man who refuses to do these things do them.

oh for fucking hells sake - maybe this site should be called "We hate men net"

Seriously?

If your man doesn't pull his weight - yes, kick his fucking arse, but you know what, this may come as a shock NOT ALL MEN ARE BASTARDS, SOME MEN DO HELP WITH THE HOUSEWORK AND DO THEIR FAIR SHARE, They are not all beer swilling, football watching, fuckwits, at least mine isn't. He isn't perfect, he's a lazy arse sometimes, but then sometimes, brace yourself for this one - I AM A LAZY SLUT who doesn't wash her skirting boards for YEARS! No-one has died

Why someone refuse to eg spend time with their children or share the work around the house?

Er, have you read the thread?

I'm neither lazy or selfish, I'm merely suggesting an argument about the division of labour for people who are struggling with it.

And it's quite a recognised thing that men don't do their share? There was something in the paper about just last week

www.guardian.co.uk/society/2012/mar/10/housework-gender-equality-women?newsfeed=true

Excellent post "MrsHeffley* you said what i was trying to say, just more articulately. I am buggered if after a days childcare etc i am going to start doing housework, anymore than i expect DP to do it after a physically demanding job. If it aint done by the evening, it can wait until the next day, thats the thing about housework, it waits!! I actually feel really sorry for people who make such a big thing about household chores, they should not be such a big part of our lives. Its just not that important! I have no desire to live in a show home. I am a SAHM at the moment, im looking for a job, the first thing im going to do when i get one is hire a cleaner. I'd hire one now, but we can't afford it. I don't want EITHER of us to have to fart about cleaning the house at the weekends and evenings if we are both working.

I have several friends who embarked on marriage seemingly happy to infantilise their husbands, doing their washing, ironing, the lion's share of the cooking etc.

I can't relate to them in many respects. They are constantly dismissing their oh's as being inferior in domestic crap matters or saying they (men)don't look after/feed/clothe their own children properly. Or some will say, usually on FB, 'Came home to find my dinner cooked this evening and it's not even burned!! Thanks DH'

Aargh!

I get annoyed with the repetetive complaining.

If all you are going to do is complain without initiating change then I have no patience for you.

Narked, im not sure if tht is aimed at me or not - but i don't consider a childcare to be a chore - i would divorce a husband who refused to spend time with his children after work etc, but not so that i can do housework!!

I do the high pressure job and sort the house out. I even take the bins out.

According to some this makes DH a cock lodger.

Works for us 99% of the time though. And on the 1% when it doesn't I have a rant, he washes a plate and looks pleased and then we fall back into the normal way of things. Most of the time I don't care. If it really bothered me I'd change it. Plus now I have a cleaner again so its fine

Resentment, yet again. One chooses to be resentful, as with so much else. But why?

You were talking cobblers. Children don't need undivided attention 24/7,you were inferring they did and it was impossible to do anything all day.

Kids need to amuse themselves and being at home is not being in nursery.

If you both work equal hours,housework should be divided equally.

If you are at home full time whilst the other spouse works sorry it's totally selfish to kick back and watch daytime TV or spend mornings in coffee shops if you're going to dump housework on the poor sod who staggers through the door at gone 6/7pm. That my friend is pure laziness and selfish to boot.

Agree Goawaybob that as a rule, housework is overrated. Why then is it such a massive deal to ask men to do a bit of it?

Of course spending time with the kids is more important- which is why I suggest that SAHM shouldn't feel compelled to complete it when they are childrearing single handed. It's actually a fairly sane piece of logic and am mildly surprised people are affronted by it. Odd.

To barbigirl

I have never EVER had a conversation in real life about division of labour in the home. This is why i need to get a job and start interacting with real life people

This tends to happen when housework is viewed as the woman's responsibility and any input from other family members is "helping".

Surveys and other research has shown repeatedly that women tend to do a lot more housework, even when both partners work full time.

I don't think it's about women "letting" their partners get away with nothing but more about attitudes in society in general which let men off the hook.

And, really, it's obvious not all men/women/couples are like this, it would be ridiculous to state that they are, but it is a general trend so of course it's worthy of discussion.

Something interesting to read is Arlie Hoschild's The Second Shift.

"If men don't want to do housework or childcare, how do you make them do it?"

Why would anyone be married to a lazy, useless cunt and crap father?

You can't make anyone do anything.

But you can have standards about how you will allow yourself to be treated.