Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to not even want to speak to my friend again

104 replies

busyboysmum · 15/03/2012 15:42

I am really cross about this, am I overreacting?

I have a friend who has a little boy a year younger than my middle son who is now 7. When he was a baby they didn't have a lot of money and I lent her all my bags of baby clothes from my 2 boys - all lovely stuff Next and John Lewis & M&S, all well looked after much of it hardly worn, on a loan basis as was hoping to persuade dh for one more.

She returned the bags to me with thanks once he had grown out of them and they went back in the loft with my dreams... and reader, I have just had my 3rd little son oh the joy!

Anyway my little fella is now into his 3-6 clothes so got the bag out of the loft and every single item of clothing in it is ruined - yellow milk stains all over everything, many items not washed with 5 year old food on. There were some beautiful things in there and not one item is unaffected.

I haven't actually heard much from this friend since I told her I was pregnant and now I am wondering if this is why - I have gone through my other carefully stored bags and all the clothes are the same. I am fuming and really upset. If she had told me, I could have maybe salvaged some at the time, think it is too late now and they will all have to go in the bin.

Aaaaargh - I think this is bang out of order, what do you all think?

OP posts:

MorrisZapp · 15/03/2012 16:57

My very kind SIL loaned me heaps of stuff when my DS was born, but tbh it was a nightmare.

I gave her back the same number of bags, it was all clean, but god knows what was in those bags.

Now, when I'm giving away baby stuff, I always say 'anything you don't use, just pass on or give to charity' and make it very clear it's a give, not a lend.

Baby clothes get used and abused - to me, it just seems daft to 'lend' them.

Especially as so much good stuff can be found in cheap shops. charity shops/ ebay and also received as gifts.

lurkinginthebackground · 15/03/2012 17:01

YANBU to think she should have washed the clothes.
YABu to fall out over it though, you may need her one day, not saying that in an unkind way just that good friends can be hard to come by.

JaneB1rkin · 15/03/2012 17:02

Yes it is really stressful trying to keep people's stuff clean and so on when it's a leaky baby wearing it.

I always give rather than lend and often refuse loans of things. And tbh most of our baby stuff isn't fit to be given away - mine will use it again and again but I would be a bit embarrassed to pass it on, mostly.

awhistlingwoman · 15/03/2012 17:02

JaneB1rkin

I put it in the machine, on the back it says that you can add it to your normal detergent in the main wash compartment. I think it works nicely on lots of things. Do have a bit of a stain remover obsession though. Had to sit on my hands to stop myself telling the op to send her baby clothes to me!

But the main reason I buy Napisan is for the pleasure of the amazing retro packaging and the wee cardboard pouring spout. What has my life come to?!

PigeonPair · 15/03/2012 17:06

I am afraid this is why I never lent any of DS's baby clothes to anyone. I was quite fastidious about washing and ironing everything and keeping it nice for the next one. In the event I had a baby girl next time so was then happy to give all the boys clothes away and not expect them back. I would be annoyed too OP but as others have said, not everyone has the same "standards" in washing and ironing. I can't believe that she gave it all back dirty though!!

MadeInChinaBaby · 15/03/2012 17:09

I recently got some of DS's baby clothes out for a friend (I'm going to GIVE them to her).

They were beautifully clean and stain-free when I put them away.

Now LOADS of them have yellow milk stains on them. That'd be yellow BREAST MILK stains. It totally confused me as he wasn't a leaky baby by any means, but apparently this is what happens over time.

The milk stains you're talking about could well be from your own DS.

I do think, however, that not even washing the clothes before returning them is pretty grim. I'd be a bit annoyed if a friend did this to me. It wouldn't end the friendship, though, especially as it happened years ago.

JaneB1rkin · 15/03/2012 17:15

Thankyou very much for your help!! I don't think mine has got a spout, it was on clearance in Sainsburys by the look of it with a bashed in box. Hmm.

Someone must have been trying to have a sneaky go with the spout I guess

HugADalek · 15/03/2012 17:18

My baby clothes were yellow and orange and all sorts, DD managed explosive BF poos and projectile vomits, and slobbering etc. I wouldn't lend baby clothes, I would either give them or keep them if I was planning another and some stuff was alright.

Colliecollie · 15/03/2012 17:19

I had the same experience as other posters that stuff I stored clean had yellowed after a while in storage. Most came up ok with a wash.

HugADalek · 15/03/2012 17:19

I think clothing four children in the same clothes was a bit over optimistic really.

neverputasockinatoaster · 15/03/2012 17:42

I recently got a box of old baby clothes down from the loft as we are having a clearout. DS is 7 and these were his 3 - 6 months stuff. I KNOW I washed them before putting them away as I wanted them to keep for any other children we had. When they came out of the box they were seriously manky..... yellow stains and what were obviously the remnants of explosive BF poo. They also smelt horrid. I KNOW they were washed but they've been in the loft for 6 years or more.

Perhaps your friend did wash them and the time in storage has resulted in the stains etc getting worse?

plutocrap · 15/03/2012 17:43

Try dyeing them, as well. DD is in a lot of DS's old clothes now, some dyed to make them lilac, or green, and some I dyed for DS himself, to cover the poo and food stains. Navy is excellent for not showing anything.

ragged · 15/03/2012 17:44

I've had milk stains come up on things that I put away just washed, seemingly clean & unmarked. Years later I found them with hideious marks. It's very weird, but can happen!
I think it's a lesson you learn the hard way, do not loan clothes that you value, especially if to be used for kids.

2shoes · 15/03/2012 17:46

yabu
never understand lending baby clothes.
shame though that they are now ruined

YouOldSlag · 15/03/2012 17:53

YABU

As others have said, pointless lending out baby clothes and expecting them back in similar condition. Babies go through several outfits a day and get poo, wee, vomit, milk, dribble, puree and snot on clothing.

I took offence to the not so subtle dig about your babies never being sick as they were BFed, unlike the lendee, who is bottle feeding (dig, dig, poke). There was a little note of superiority in that which lost my sympathy for any laundry related plight you might have.

My DSs were breast fed and still yacked up milk around 14 times a day.

If your friend didn't wash them at all, then she really should have, but she may have washed some unsuccessfully, or they may have yellowed with storage or age. You expected too much IMO.

Original poster

busyboysmum · 15/03/2012 18:02

Oh dear, wasn't trying to be superior, when I said

'Also I am a bfeeder and my kids were never sick or possetty babies so I guess they never got them in a mess until weaning at 6 months.'

I meant the two statements to be seperate as in they were bf so no leakage from bottles and they weren't sicky or possetty just because they weren't. I know bf babies can be cos this little one I have now is and he is my first who is.

Apologies for any misunderstanding or offence caused. My friend didn't bottle feed either I don't think.

OP posts:

GirlWithALlamaTattoo · 15/03/2012 18:04

YANBU!! You're upset because she returned them dirty, not because she returned them used! Food encrustations don't appear over time. I'd be furious too, but after 5 years, I'm not sure there's much you can do.

WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 15/03/2012 18:07

You are totally over reacting these clothes will be ages old, buy some new ones fgs! I can't really fathom lending somebody baby clothes to then have them back either.

wellthatsdoneit · 15/03/2012 18:10

Yes also to the 'put away washed and pristine but then retrieved with mysterious yellow milk stains on after getting them out again a couple of years later'. Some of it will be down to that, but returning others which have obviously been left unwashed is Frankly A Little Out Of Order in my opinion.

mypersonalfavourite · 15/03/2012 18:11

Yanbu! I've learnt not to lend anything I want back. People really take the piss.

Let it go though and never lend her anything again.

FluffyBunnyWunnyMummyKins · 15/03/2012 18:23

Babies are not clean. Milk, dribble, sick etc, I would never lend out anything I wanted to keep, everything else I give away. Although ds2 has reflux so is particularly messy.

Oh and I breastfeed and found it incredibly messy! Milk all over their faces, necks, clothes, tidy it isn't!

valiumredhead · 15/03/2012 18:27

Don't ever lend what you aren't prepared to give away.

OriginalJamie · 15/03/2012 18:32

I *disagree8 with the idea that you can't expect people to look after stuff you've lent them. It's common decency. Someone that thoughtless would be orf my friend list as fast as you can say Jack Rabbit.
I'm not talking about milk stains, which, I agree, can develop, but food-encrusted stuff that the OP describes

OriginalJamie · 15/03/2012 18:32

disagree

ilikecandyandrunning · 15/03/2012 19:07

Yanbu at all op, what an ungrateful cow! I don't blame you for not wanting to speak to her again

Congratulations on your new boy x

Flip

1 2 3 4 5