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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not even want to speak to my friend again

104 replies

busyboysmum · 15/03/2012 15:42

I am really cross about this, am I overreacting?

I have a friend who has a little boy a year younger than my middle son who is now 7. When he was a baby they didn't have a lot of money and I lent her all my bags of baby clothes from my 2 boys - all lovely stuff Next and John Lewis & M&S, all well looked after much of it hardly worn, on a loan basis as was hoping to persuade dh for one more.

She returned the bags to me with thanks once he had grown out of them and they went back in the loft with my dreams... and reader, I have just had my 3rd little son oh the joy!

Anyway my little fella is now into his 3-6 clothes so got the bag out of the loft and every single item of clothing in it is ruined - yellow milk stains all over everything, many items not washed with 5 year old food on. There were some beautiful things in there and not one item is unaffected.

I haven't actually heard much from this friend since I told her I was pregnant and now I am wondering if this is why - I have gone through my other carefully stored bags and all the clothes are the same. I am fuming and really upset. If she had told me, I could have maybe salvaged some at the time, think it is too late now and they will all have to go in the bin.

Aaaaargh - I think this is bang out of order, what do you all think?

OP posts:
JaneB1rkin · 15/03/2012 16:14

Aha. Quite, Nickel. Quite!

changeforthebetter · 15/03/2012 16:14

Bf babies do throw up - lots. DD had to be triple-bibbed despite exclusive bf. She was fine, growing, happy, just really sicky. YABU to not check them before putting them in the loft but your friend is BU not to wash them before returning them. I always wash things which DD has borrowed, just good manners.

Congrats on your new baby Grin

QuintessentialyHollow · 15/03/2012 16:14

Milk stains take time to develop. For all you know they could have been your own childs milk stains....

Not accounting for the dried up food though.

But banana looks that way too, over time. It is like the fibres from the banana just suddenly appear out of the fabric. It is a mystery.

I had the same with clothes that I washed myself and put away.
Milk, orange and banana stains appeared over time.

SarahJessicaFarter · 15/03/2012 16:15

Yab a teeny bit u. But your friend should have washed and ironed everything really. However, I did think that all my 1st borns stuff was in excellent nick and perfect for future babies, but when I actually got everything out I can only imagine nostalgia and baby brain got the better of me when I packed it all away. Nothing was dirty, but some clothes (that I loved obviously) were so washed out and used, they weren't ideal and got binned. Clearly because I had loved some things more than others they had been worn and washed more often. And looked it!

JustHecate · 15/03/2012 16:15

Baby clothes get in a terrible state, and a set of clothes that's done 2 babies can expect a wide variety of stains that are going nowhere Grin but yes, she should certainly have washed them. It was minging of her to just shove unwashed clothes in bags and not even let you know. Probably assumed you'd check, not that that's any excuse for not shoving them through a wash herself!

JaneB1rkin · 15/03/2012 16:15

Okay shall we rephrase the OP before someone else does:

AIBU to be upset that my friend used my baby clothes for a BOTTLE FED BABY GrinGrin

sorry couldn't resist

I know it's not the case

honest Grin

Can you talk to your friend about it? Perhaps not the best idea actually.

changeforthebetter · 15/03/2012 16:18

People actually iron baby clothes? Shock

PrisonerOfWaugh · 15/03/2012 16:18

Actually the yellow staining might just be time and storage. When I got mine out of storage for DC2 a lot of the necks were yellow stained - and I certainly didn't put them up there looking like that, I think the milk does odd things over time. However I think they all improved muchly after a wash in something decent. Try Bio powder, vanish, napisan etc etc.

I would be a bit Hmm about obviously unwashed stuff though. Chalk it up to experience though, not worth loosing a friendship over - at least she got lots of use out of the clothes. I know it is hard to let go of baby clothes though - I practically cry over some of the bags I have given out, but MAKE myself do it (as am never going to use them again)

Debs75 · 15/03/2012 16:19

YANBU Some of dd3's clothes were on their 5th child and still in pretty good condition. Yes some kids manage to mess up clothes badly but that is no excuse for returning them unwashed.
I learnt my lesson when lending out dd2's 0-6m clothes(as pregnant with dd3 at the time). I knew some would come back stained but I didn't think they would come back ruined or with items missing or in the total wrong order,i.e newborn being found when dd3 was 8m old.

You are right some people do not have the same standards or as organisds as yourself. Although you should have checked them when she returned them, then you caould have pulled her up on the state of them!
A harsh lesson learned and one which many of us has made

HolyNoSheDittantBatman · 15/03/2012 16:20

She should have washed them before returning, it's gross not to. Stains and marks are to be expectd I think, unless that's due to not washing as well.

This may be my very low standards showing themselves, but unless the staining is terrible I wouldn't bin them, your baby is 3 months old he's not going to care that his babygrow has a stain on it.

JaneB1rkin · 15/03/2012 16:20

Oh that's interesting about the yellow bits. I've just been sorting mine for the next pup and found something with yellow all over it, I'm sure it didn't look that disgusting when I put it away. and vanish hasn't done much. Have got some napisan though if that works?

Thankyou for the tip.

startail · 15/03/2012 16:23

In washed is plain rude. The odd stain happens.

I know o offered to buy new large baby grows because DD made a dreadful mess 0f the feet crawling on our tiles.

The nice person who lent them be said not to worry.

startail · 15/03/2012 16:24

I give up the error gremlin has it in for me todayBlush

mojitomania · 15/03/2012 16:24

Thinking about it, I'd actually kindly decline to take clothes that someone wanted back for fear of messing them up Smile

diddl · 15/03/2012 16:24

I have baby clothes that I put away washed after being worn by bfed babies.

On looking at them some time later, they have yellow necklines.

mojitomania · 15/03/2012 16:25

(laughs with startail as reminds me of myself)

haddock1976 · 15/03/2012 16:26

Hmm at some of these " you can't expect anything else 2nd time round and some babies are messier than others" responses.

I have this afternoon packed up a pile of 0-3 months clothes to return to %231 sil to use for her dd2 after getting them from %232 sil who used them for her first born. All the clothes are in good condition, freshly laundered and stain free as they will be when passed on to %232 sil for her second born. All it takes is some consideration for other people's belongings.

The clothes are John Lewis, M&S, Next, H&M types so nothing special.

Hopandaskip · 15/03/2012 16:27

I put away baby clothes that I knew were clean and laundered and they still got yellow stains on them. I hear oxyclean and really hot water helps.

EssentialFattyAcid · 15/03/2012 16:28

YABU
Its pointless to lend babygear and be upset if it comes back less than pristine
You need to either keep it or give it away

Chalk it up to experience
If you are willing to lose a friend over this though more fool you

Longtalljosie · 15/03/2012 16:30

Sunlight will get a lot of the yellow stains out.

She absolutely should have washed them!

NatashaBee · 15/03/2012 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
busyboysmum · 15/03/2012 16:39

Interesting lot of responses, I think she should have washed them personally and to have encrusted food on a lot of things - some are stuck together is just plain rude IMHO.

However, life is short so I shall just chalk it up to experience and move on - no more babies for me sadly so won't happen again!

Thanks everyone Smile

OP posts:
awhistlingwoman · 15/03/2012 16:45

I always dread people lending me baby clothes. I got lots of clothes from different people and tbh it was such a nightmare that I hardly put my children in any of them. You have to remember who gave you what (and I had over three bin bags full from four or five different people at one point!) you have to be careful that you don't wreck or stain them (or let dc wreck or stain them) Just stressful. Different if people GIVE you second hand clothes! I'm all for that. And for that reason I always either give baby or children's clothes away rather than lend to friends. Keep anything that is really special (although now I'm wondering if they are up in our loft growing vast yellow stains, boak!)

But even though I didn't put many of the loaned clothes on dcs, I always washed and ironed the whole lot before returning (but I do have a bizarre love of doing the laundry!) I don't think you were being that unreasonable to expect them returned clean but it can be difficult to find time when you have a little one. Perhaps it was just an honest mistake, she thought she'd washed them and hadn't or something?

Try giving them a spin on a warm wash with some napisan or biotex? Sometimes things come up a treat after that. Anything food related I recommend Dr. Beckman's Stain Devils. I do really like laundry Blush

pictish · 15/03/2012 16:48

I always dread people lending me baby clothes. I got lots of clothes from different people and tbh it was such a nightmare that I hardly put my children in any of them. You have to remember who gave you what (and I had over three bin bags full from four or five different people at one point!) you have to be careful that you don't wreck or stain them (or let dc wreck or stain them) Just stressful. Different if people GIVE you second hand clothes! I'm all for that.

I agree entirely. If I'm not getting to keep them, I don't want them. It's way more hassle than it's worth!

JaneB1rkin · 15/03/2012 16:49

Ooh do you put napisan in the machine then?

I've actually had it for about 5 or 6 years and never used it Blush