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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not even want to speak to my friend again

104 replies

busyboysmum · 15/03/2012 15:42

I am really cross about this, am I overreacting?

I have a friend who has a little boy a year younger than my middle son who is now 7. When he was a baby they didn't have a lot of money and I lent her all my bags of baby clothes from my 2 boys - all lovely stuff Next and John Lewis & M&S, all well looked after much of it hardly worn, on a loan basis as was hoping to persuade dh for one more.

She returned the bags to me with thanks once he had grown out of them and they went back in the loft with my dreams... and reader, I have just had my 3rd little son oh the joy!

Anyway my little fella is now into his 3-6 clothes so got the bag out of the loft and every single item of clothing in it is ruined - yellow milk stains all over everything, many items not washed with 5 year old food on. There were some beautiful things in there and not one item is unaffected.

I haven't actually heard much from this friend since I told her I was pregnant and now I am wondering if this is why - I have gone through my other carefully stored bags and all the clothes are the same. I am fuming and really upset. If she had told me, I could have maybe salvaged some at the time, think it is too late now and they will all have to go in the bin.

Aaaaargh - I think this is bang out of order, what do you all think?

OP posts:
DinahMoHum · 15/03/2012 15:45

i think you shouldnt have lent them if they were important to you to keep in good condition. Id forget it. Not saying youre completely unreasonable, but id chalk it up to experience and forget it.

SmethwickBelle · 15/03/2012 15:46

YANBU I would have automatically expected the clothes to be returned at least laundered. Not much point saying anything now but never loan her owt again!

pictish · 15/03/2012 15:47

Yabu.

You do not lend out baby clothes and expect them returned in mint condition. If the clothes were important to you, you should have kept them in your loft.

Frontpaw · 15/03/2012 15:47

Oh yuk. I would have gone through them to be honest before packing them away.

lolaflores · 15/03/2012 15:47

she should have washed them. just common good manners.

duckdodgers · 15/03/2012 15:48

I know this probably doesnt help now but maybe you should have checked them all at the time? And if they were that special why did you lend them? Babies invariably make a mess of thier clothes.

I would have washed them if I was your friend mind you.

Original poster
busyboysmum · 15/03/2012 15:48

I wasn't expecting mint but the condition they are in is appalling - obviously I have different laundering standards than other people!

OP posts:
Tamoo · 15/03/2012 15:48

Do they really all have to be binned? Couldn't you put a load into wash and see how they come out?

It was a manky thing to do, I guess though ifyou mention anything you risk creating a hoo-hah between the two of you, depends if you consider your friendship a bigger deal than they baby clothes, IMO.

Original poster
busyboysmum · 15/03/2012 15:49

Also I am a bfeeder and my kids were never sick or possetty babies so I guess they never got them in a mess until weaning at 6 months.

OP posts:
fluffyanimal · 15/03/2012 15:50

Overreacting a teensy bit maybe, sorry.

Yes, it's not really acceptable to return things unwashed, but maybe she really struggled with chores in the early days and lost track. Also, some babies are messier than others. Did the child go to a nursery and do lots of messy activities? Maybe he was a pain to feed and wean, maybe he had reflux or projectile vomiting, maybe he was a capacious poo-er - there's any number of reasons why she couldn't have looked after the clothes as well as you did.

I don't suspect at all that she hasn't been so much in contact with you because she feels guilty about not caring for the clothes as scrupulously as you did - she probably hasn't even thought about it, or indeed realised that they don't come up to your standard.

I think it's a lesson learned in not lending things you treasure.

If it makes you feel any better, a friend of mine lent me some maternity clothes when we met up once at my mum's house. I took away with me some things that fit, those that didn't I left at my mum's house. My mum mistakenly thought my friend didn't want them back and took them to a charity shop!

SaraBellumHertz · 15/03/2012 15:50

Returning things unwashed is grim but expected baby clothes back pristine is foolish.

Chalk it up to experience.

pictish · 15/03/2012 15:51

Yes, I too would've laundered the clothes before returning them - seems odd that she didn't.
However, I would say that in future, you should not lend out what you do not want to lose.

If my friend said "I'll lend you all these baby clothes, but I want them back when you are finished" I'd say thank you, but no. I'd be worried about every posset, every drool, every snot, and who needs that?

WorraLiberty · 15/03/2012 15:52

YABU to not want to talk to your friend again over a couple of bags of baby clothes that you should have checked before sticking in the loft.

The thing with clothes is, the second time round they begin to wear out and they don't wash up as well as they did.

The thing with babies/children is that some are messier little buggers than others.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 15/03/2012 15:53

To be honest I wouldn't have loaned anything until I was sure I wasn't planning on needing it again. Although you only loaned the clothes it is not unreasonable to expect some of them at least to come back damaged/worn. And I would have definitely checked them and probably washed them when your friend initially returned them rather than just chucking them in the loft.

YANBU to be annoyed but unfortunately its the risk you take when you loan things to people.

Original poster
busyboysmum · 15/03/2012 15:57

Thanks all for returning me to some perspective - my fault I can see, will pop them in the wash and see if any can be salvaged.

OP posts:
pictish · 15/03/2012 15:57

That's the thing to do, yes. You may surprised at what comes up spruce.

JaneB1rkin · 15/03/2012 16:05

That's really grim, I'd feel gutted if I was you. Mind you if people lent me baby things I kept them in a bag and returned them unused with many thanks a few months later. I just didn't dare use them.

If people gave me stuff I took what I liked and gave the rest away.

I've sometimes found baby things I stored myself in a less than clean condition too Blush
Stains can get a lot worse over time in storage, I've found.

Anyway - just wanted to say I breastfed my first exclusively for whatever, 6 months and then on to 16 months and he was ALWAYS being sick, so not sure of your reasoning there! Smile The second wasn't, oddly.

blighter · 15/03/2012 16:07

i would never lend someone baby clothes if i expected them to be returned in the same pristine condition. i think it off that she returned some dirty but as for the stains, babies get food/dirt all over them so you should have kept back the really lovely pieces

Original poster
busyboysmum · 15/03/2012 16:09

Not was just saying really that bottles dribble and stuff don't they? That's what this looks like as all the clothes are yellow round the necklines. I never had that as I bf and had no idea why you needed bibs until I started weaning!

OP posts:
mojitomania · 15/03/2012 16:10

Dirty mare, she should have washed them Shock YANBU on this score. But to expect them back the way you sent them is rather unrealistic.

nickelhasababy · 15/03/2012 16:12

I personally would have gone through them and washed them when i got them back - regardless of whether she had washed them.

same as i do when someone passes clothes onto me.

so, sorry, yabu for not checking at the time.

realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 15/03/2012 16:13

I think yabu. My daughter manages to ruin about every time she wears within about 5 minutes! Unavoidable with small children, so if you wanted them to stay in good nick you should have kept hold of them. Ime you should never lend anything that you would be upset about bit getting back, including money! Never and lender or borrower be! Grin

nickelhasababy · 15/03/2012 16:13

"Not was just saying really that bottles dribble and stuff don't they? That's what this looks like as all the clothes are yellow round the necklines. I never had that as I bf and had no idea why you needed bibs until I started weaning!"

bollocks.
dd is ebf and dribbles loads.
and pukes after every feed.
her neck and her clothes' necks are covered in puke.
and they're yllow when they're dry.
and she wears bibs.
she's 13 weeks.

JaneB1rkin · 15/03/2012 16:13

I don't know, I didn't use bottles! Boobs can drip a bit too Smile

be careful or someone'll have you in a minute...!

realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 15/03/2012 16:14

I bf my dd and she still got milk everywhere!!

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