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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to say something about a child being tied up at nursery?

61 replies

AKMD · 15/03/2012 12:41

DS goes to nursery p/t while I'm at work. He's been talking recently about 'not needing a strap' so I asked the nursery staff whether they used wrist straps when they took the children to the local shops, park etc. The nursery nurse I asked said, "Oh no, he's talking about child x. When we have story time child x runs round and round in circles so we put a wrist strap on him to make him stay still." I was a bit but as child x's mum is a member of staff I didn't comment. But... it's been playing on my mind and I'm wondering whether I should take it further. I wouldn't want my child to be restrained in this way unless it was a safety issue and I don't think it's acceptable for any child to be effectively 'tied up' because they act like a normal toddler.

WIBU to say that I'm not comfortable with what they told me and could I have a fuller explanation of why they think this is acceptable?

OP posts:

Mrsjay · 15/03/2012 12:44

The runner is a safety issue though if he is running about , Its just a wrist strap he hasnt got a straight jacket on and his mum is fine with it maybe it was her idea , YABU ,

TroublesomeEx · 15/03/2012 12:44

If you are happy to approach a mum and ask her why she thinks this is an appropriate way of restraining her child then go ahead.

Because that's all that his happening. They don't have a nursery wide blanket policy of children "being tied up at nursery" a parent has made a decision that she feels is best for her child.

You might not like it, but lots of parents make lots of choices that other parents don't agree with.

I really thought I was going to come on here and read that a child had actually been tied up, not that they were wearing a wrist strap on him during story time.

AFuckingKnackeredWoman · 15/03/2012 12:46

The mum knows though so its got nothing to do with you.

If he was tethered in the playground on his own for hours then you can complain

wannaBe · 15/03/2012 12:46

it's a wrist strap, it's hardly him being "tied up", is it?

yabu. and tbh, not your child, not your business, esp if the parent is fine with it.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 15/03/2012 12:49

Your title is very misleading. This child isn't being tied up, he is wearing a wrist strap. As his mum is a member of staff I am sure she is well aware of the situation or even suggested it herself. This has nothing to do with you.

Original poster

AKMD · 15/03/2012 12:50

I started off thinking that as she worked there, it was ok, but I'm starting to think that it's irrelevant. She doesn't work in the same area of the nursery so I have no idea if it was her idea or if she knows about it or not. Would they do the same thing to my DS? Would they talk to me about it first? I don't know and I'd like to find out.

I don't think that a toddler running around in a nursery for toddlers is particularly dangerous. He isn't wielding a carving knife or running across roads!

OP posts:

PurplePidjin · 15/03/2012 12:52

If it's written up in the child's care plan that a restraint is used in certain circumstances by trained staff for x or you reason regarding that child's safety and level of needs, then there's no problem. As it's not your child, you shouldn't have access to that kind of information.

I would be at it too, though, and I've had that kind of training. It's not usual to use "mechanical" restraints (holding a door handle so the person can't leave the room is a mechanical restraint, for example) even with children with the most severe learning difficulties. And only if the person is at immediate risk of harming themselves or another person.

You are well within your rights to request their policy on restraint and manual handling of the children in their care.

Mrsjay · 15/03/2012 12:54

he could fall smash his teeth run into somebody else all hazards , And its a wrist strap, If you are really worried ask the nursery what they do, You are over thinking this and the nursery has an obligation to children in their care ,

WorraLiberty · 15/03/2012 12:54

I'm sorry but you're coming across as a bit of a hysterical pearl clutcher by using the phrase 'tied up'....that's just ridiculous.

They're professional people, I'm sure the Mum knows her child isn't being tied up or mistreated so in the nicest possible way, you need to butt out.

Marne · 15/03/2012 12:58

not tied up at all (sorry but title is very misleading). My dd2 has ASD and like the child you are talking about she would run around whilst others are sat still, i can see how much this would disrupt the class, i'm not sure how my dd would react to a wrist strap but if it works for the child in quesrion and the parents know then i don't see a problem.

BoysWillGrow · 15/03/2012 13:00

Wrist strap? I've never heard of this, do they tie him to something? Or bound his wrists together? Sounds a bit strange to me.

Original poster

AKMD · 15/03/2012 13:03

I didn't ask for details but I imagine a NN holds the other end to keep him sitting down, or at least in the same spot while storytime happens. If someone did that to me I would call it being tied up, sorry if that's misleading

OP posts:

Mrsjay · 15/03/2012 13:07

would you call a NN holding onto a child so they cant run away restraint ? they cant hold him down on somebodies knee at story time , so they put a wrist strap which has a velcro fastening (well they did when i tied up used it with my toddlers ) so he cant run off , i am all for a child being able to run about but they do need to look after the interests of all the children ,

PurplePidjin · 15/03/2012 13:10

This is either a tale for the Daily Mail or there's a lot more to it, OP. I suggest you ask for relevant information that pertains to your own dc to reassure yourself, then trust the professionals to care for your dd - or make alternative arrangements.

Birdsgottafly · 15/03/2012 13:14

I would have rather the nursery that my eldest DD (now 26) put strategies in place and worked with me, so that her behaviour was at acceptable levels, insead she couldn't attend.

She was diagonosed with ADHD before she left primary.

It is a dilemma, but the child may feel more secure having direction over his behaviour.

I think that within reason parents should be able to agree to restraintative methods, as a protective measure. It is about weighing up holistic risk.

Original poster

AKMD · 15/03/2012 13:15

I have no problem with reins/wrist straps being used; I use reins with DS. It's the context that bothers me. A toddler doesn't want to participate in story time so they use a wrist strap to make him participate? That's not something I would want for my DS.

I know they use reins and wrist straps when taking the children out in the local area or, in very rare cases, when a child is hitting other children and won't stop, and I'm fine with that because it keeps the children safe.

Thansk for your comments. I'll ask for the restraining policy and leave it at that.

OP posts:

thebody · 15/03/2012 13:34

As a cm I use wrist straps and reins as a safety precaution so i bsuspect nursery are doing the same.

And actually toddlers shouldn't be 'running around' all of the time! He should be sitting down for the story if all the other children are.

I suspect if u mention this to the mother she may well be embarrassed and think u are pointing out or even crowing over her sons behaviour so dont!!

ILoveMortenHarket · 15/03/2012 13:37

He's not being tied up. Your title suggests otherwise.

You sound like The Daily Fail. Headline doesn't match the story!

qazxc · 15/03/2012 15:00

as the mother is ok with it, i'd leave it alone TBH.

Shutupanddrive · 15/03/2012 15:49

He's not being tied up! Yabu

mojitomania · 15/03/2012 16:00

Right OP, so I gather you are worried that this establishment would do the same with your child and not tell you? The child may have special needs etc. I would find it very strange that a nursery would just do that without consulting/discussing method with parent. Why not just ask?

PosiePumblechook · 15/03/2012 16:04

I think it's dire, a terrible message for other children and quite clearly a shit nursery,.

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/03/2012 16:07

title slightly misleading

child isnt really tied up - but i get your point as inside and storytime rather then outside on a road

but one child can disrupt a class so easily and if the mum doesnt have a problem with it then neither should you

callmemrs · 15/03/2012 16:29

Why do you use a sensationalist title? Why do you feel the need to exaggerate?
If the child is at risk of falling into or onto other children who are sitting, then the nursery may feel its safest to use a wrist strap so that he can't suddenly dash into a child.

PurplePidjin · 15/03/2012 17:15

The child may be running around throwing objects, or escape unsupervised into a restricted area to wreak havoc, or show self-injurious behaviours.

You have no idea. It's most likely not happening to the Op's child.

The OP has decided to calmly find out what the nursery's policy on restraint is so she can establish whether she's still happy for her son to attend. That was about 4 hours ago. I suggest we lay off the witch hunt, eh?

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