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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say something about a child being tied up at nursery?

61 replies

AKMD · 15/03/2012 12:41

DS goes to nursery p/t while I'm at work. He's been talking recently about 'not needing a strap' so I asked the nursery staff whether they used wrist straps when they took the children to the local shops, park etc. The nursery nurse I asked said, "Oh no, he's talking about child x. When we have story time child x runs round and round in circles so we put a wrist strap on him to make him stay still." I was a bit Confused but as child x's mum is a member of staff I didn't comment. But... it's been playing on my mind and I'm wondering whether I should take it further. I wouldn't want my child to be restrained in this way unless it was a safety issue and I don't think it's acceptable for any child to be effectively 'tied up' because they act like a normal toddler.

WIBU to say that I'm not comfortable with what they told me and could I have a fuller explanation of why they think this is acceptable?

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 15/03/2012 17:17

Is it normal for a child to run around in circles when he is supposed to be sitting queitly listening to a story with the other children?

I wouldn't find that acceptable behaviour from my child.

If his mum is happy with the wrist strap then it's nothing to do with you. They are not doing it to your child and "tied up" is a bit strong. Gently restrained for his own safety and to minimise disruption for the other children is probably a bit more accurate.

andired · 15/03/2012 17:29

I think my concern isn't for the child being tied up or for the mother of this child, it's for the other children in the room. OP stated that her DS says he doesn't need a strap - is it a threat they use? This is not a normal worry for a small child to have!I worry about children being desensitised by things they see and experience without their parents knowledge. The restrained child's mother might be OK with this but the OP clearly isn't.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 15/03/2012 17:43

I dunno. It's not like this child is being tethered to a post all afternoon, but using a wrist strap at storytime is a little odd, surely?

Ummmmm, YANBU actually. I'd be inclined to say something. Although to whom, I'm not really sure.

PosiePumblechook · 15/03/2012 17:47

waves to Jenai...

[admits that I can't remember how to pronounce it]

hanaka88 · 15/03/2012 17:50

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-17366756

I don't know how to post links but that is being tied up. Not a strap

hanaka88 · 15/03/2012 17:52

this is being tied up and is not ok

StealthPolarBear · 15/03/2012 17:54

I do see what you meean OP, if it's for his safety that's bad enough but if it's to "make" him sit down that's even worse

StealthPolarBear · 15/03/2012 17:55

hanaka, for most issues a worse one can be identified from some source. It's doesn't negate the original issue.

StealthPolarBear · 15/03/2012 17:56

catgirl do we know how old he is? He might be 18months!

StealthPolarBear · 15/03/2012 17:57

And yes, if he's older he should be sitting still, and nursery and parents should be working together to make this happen. If this is something he needs to learn he's not going to learn it like this.

Birdsgottafly · 15/03/2012 18:00

Is it normal for a child to run around in circles

Could we use the word usual, my DD would run around, as i said, whilst her behaviour and she, was normal, it wasn't typical behaviour, because of ADHD. I accepted my DD for who she was, which has made a difference to her, now (26) and in a management position.

You can teach behaviour/impulse control and bounderies, it must be working, otherwise the child would show distress in other ways.
Unless the OP suspects that the child is being mistreated, so that the mother can continue working.

The restrained child's mother might be OK with this but the OP clearly isn't.

The OP needs to address this with the mother directly, then.

This may be a perfectly valid way of dealing with the behaviour, the child may actually feel less stressed by this. The child may get a feeling of one to one attention, it made a massive difference for my DD to always sit by the teacher.

hanaka88 · 15/03/2012 18:00

No it doesn't but my point is the child isn't 'tied up' I'd just ask the mum if she knows. If she is ok with it then there's not much you can do.

My son has to be physically restrained at times. Im sure the other parents wouldn't want it to happen to their kids but you have to sign consent forms for these things and if it's a strategy for particular needs the nursery will not share these with another parent so noone is really going to know.

PullUpAPew · 15/03/2012 18:01

I think that is really, really shit practice tbh. I would want to know how the decision had been arrived and on what grounds, because I don't think it is appropriate.

However if the Mum was consulted prior to the decision and is supportive then that is probably the end of the matter - if it is a one child policy.

But if it is used as a general threat or practice then I would look for another nursery. It is normal for toddlers to not sit quietly on occasion, restraint is quite a serious step really to deal with the fairly normal minor annoyance of a child not sitting still.

hanaka88 · 15/03/2012 18:04

It may not be restraint though. It could be a strategy that helps the child be calm. A reassurance.

My son likes deep pressure, I squeeze his fingers etc I wouldn't go round squeezing every child's fingers.

Weighted lap pads are another.heavy, calming, but nit something I'd put on any random child.

It's pretty easy to get out of a wrist strap

StealthPolarBear · 15/03/2012 18:05

I'd have no problem with my child being 'restrained' (and surely at this age it's called "picking up and cuddling") in particular situations. If they were about to hurt themselves or another, or cause damage. DD's childminder takes her on the school run, no idea if she is on reins, I don't use them but I on;y have one small child. But that restraint would either be in a situation where the majority of small children are restrained (I know not everyone agrees with reins but it is common to use them while walking next to roads) or in an emergency situation. I would not expect reins to be used in what is meant to be a safe, environment.

StealthPolarBear · 15/03/2012 18:06

if that is the case then that's possibly OK. However the impression you get is that this is easier all round - less supervision needed.

RitaMorgan · 15/03/2012 18:07

Running round inside is a safety issue.

You don't know the details of this child's situation/needs, why the strap is used, what the mother thinks etc

However, if you are worried they might use a wrist strap on your child, and you don't want them too - I would speak to your son's keyworker or the manager. Hopefully they will reassure you.

hanaka88 · 15/03/2012 18:07

My child is even 'restrained' in a time out room. A room with nothing in it at all. That's the safest environment there is and he still needs it.

StealthPolarBear · 15/03/2012 18:08

we all, i assume, restrrain our children in the car for their safety and for that of others. It's restraining them vs the risk of harm, and in this case and walking next to the road, it's widely acepted that it's justified. Do you think a child in a nursery setting with adults supervising is at so much risk of harm as to justify his restraint. Anyway, that's my take :o

StealthPolarBear · 15/03/2012 18:09

How is running around inside a safety issue? I thought that was something nurseries were meant to provide - a safe space to play in an appropriate way! Mine always have anyway

RitaMorgan · 15/03/2012 18:11

A safe space means not having 20 children running into each other. Too many things to fall over, smack into, other children to trip over or hurt. Walking feet only inside.

PullUpAPew · 15/03/2012 18:13

Oh of course we restrain our children when necessary but how necessary is it to listen to a story at a certain time?

PosiePumblechook · 15/03/2012 18:17
AllDirections · 15/03/2012 18:18

Years ago I bumped into a friend with her toddler twins who were in a double buggy. One was crying and she said it was because the other one kept hitting her. I knew then that I would never accept that even if it meant tying my children's arms or legs down. A few years later when I was childminding, DD2 shared the double buggy with a minded child, both about 18 months. DD2 wasn't kicking the other child but she kept putting her leg over him knowing that he didn't like it. Next time we went out I strapped her legs to the buggy. She never did it again.

I know that people might not have agreed with me but IMO sometimes children need to be restrained even when it's not about safety.

Birdsgottafly · 15/03/2012 18:22

Stealth- until the Op speaks to the mother, we don't know if there is any SN, in which case it may not just be a safety issue, the child may feel very stressed by the pressure of the quite reading time and this may be a stagegy.

The OP only needs reasurance that this is a policy for this child and not a general one.

Although nurseries/schools are supposedly inclusive, if these type of interventions are banned completely, then that is indirect discrimination.

My DD has just returned from a school trip, telling tales of other pupils (and her) having to disarm a girl to stop her from self harming (SEN) because the staff at the centre had a non restraint policy, absolute madness.