to mistrust dh?

[BuiltForComfortNotSpeed]

Dh is going on a stag night soon to a distant city. I expect that there will be lots of drinking and general male bonding which is all fine and dandy and quite the whole purpose of a stag I guess. However I am bothered about him going to a lap dancing club with others, which is how that group of men seem to roll. I am really uncomfortable with this, which he knows about, and which we had a massive argument about last year when it took place on another stag do. I can see that he would look a complete tool if all the others went in but he said "sorry chaps, not coming in, my wife won't let me, I'll see you back a the hotel" but at the same time I do not believe him when he says that he doesn't pay for the private dances, just has a bit of a giggle about how seedy it is with the other like minded blokes he may happen to be with and enjoys in a male way how embarrassed the stag gets.

I know it's not healthy to mistrust him like this, but he hides his porn use from me by using InPrivate browsing on laptop (his argument is that he knows i dont like him using porn, but its something that all men do and so hes actually being quite respectful by not flaunting it) and so I wonder what else he hides.
AIBU?

Builtfor if you work pt to enable him to work ft he needs to pay for more than just half the joint things. You can see that, right? I would start charging him for childcare and cleaning.

Why on earth did you need to take out a loan while on ml? If it's because your dh woudn't support you financially while you care for his child, then that's outrageous.

He needs to pull his finger out because right now he's sounding like a tosser.

Some DH or DP's may not look at porn, but do love to read that there is no possibility they could have looked or be interested in porn based on some of the assumptions here... The classic one was that I lived with him so therefore he doesn't like porn... OK, maybe not, but geez, not exactly the first line of discussion most DH or DP's would have when they first meet their girlfriends/partners. The scary thing is, were you with him all the time to make sure the little buggar didn't look at porn?

OP this doesn't really strike me as a "does porn = good or porn = bad?" thread- I may have misread it but from what I can gather it's the fact that he thinks it's ok to hide it from you/not consider your feelings about your sex life wrt porn that makes you mistrustful? Even if you had no problem with porn, I get the feeling that his reliance on it/objectification of you/ lack of "love" vs sex would still be the issue?

aus unlike you or the men you know, lots of men now have strong political objections to the sex industry and are joining women in their campaigns against it, so it is not as you imply a simple matter of believing a negative and having blind trust in something that is never discussed. You must make your own decisions, but it's very rude to try to persuade other people that they are deluded. It just makes you look unintelligent and in need of reassurance that most men are like you or the ones you associate with. If you're confident in your beliefs and happy to defend your own use of the sex industry, you shouldn't need to pretend that this is normalised in everyone's lives.

It isn't and you need to get over that.

This thread has also turned out to be about far more than porn and lapdancing clubs. It is actually about a woman in an unhappy (possibly abusive) relationship who is struggling with the bargains she has made all her life and wondering whether better choices exist for her and children, so let's support her in that and not try to make this a thread about the politics of the sex industry.

Yeah, completely agree... sorry..