to ask how to stop developing a crush on a work collegue

[newpen]

I've n/c for this one and I did post on relationships but most of the answers were about why I should leave dp rather than how to stop thinking about other-man . AIBU to just ask for any practical tips that anyone has?

Quick scene set

I am in a LT relationship, children etc. Financialy dependant on dp.

dp can be quite controlling and emotionally/verbally abusive at times.

dp appears to lack interest in me - he will listen to me talking if I ask him to but does not reply - so no conversation in the evening etc. I still want to sit up all night changing the world, he wants to watch football and then fall asleep on the sofa. He also thinks that the Daily Mail talks a lot of sense and can come across as quite racist and intolerant - this appears to be getting worse with age.

Problem is
I met someone through work last week - I do not work with him (very different locations) but I can't stop thinking about him. We did sit up all night changing the world.

So how do I stop thinking about him? Practical suggestions welcomed please I am afraid that I will build this up in my head into something that it is not and then completely go to pieces if (and when) I do come across him (professionally) again

I have no reason to think that he feels the same way.

I included the scene setting as background - I'm not looking for an affair but do desparately just need a friend and have no one that I can talk to (as controlling partner and physically isolated home location make it difficult - I usually work from home)

Um. You know everyone else on AIBU is going to tell you to reconsider your relationship with your partner as well, don't you?

One step at a time. Put the crush on the back burner and decide if you want to leave unpleasant partner.

sorry, same answer! YOU ARE GOING TO BE ALIVE FOR A GOOD FEW MORE YEARS YET, do you want to waste them? sorry xxx

I have decided that I do not want to leave dh at the moment or even in the near future. So please can we talk about the crush :)

Keep reminding yourself it is not something that will ever happen. But why not keep enjoying thinking about him? If it's something that makes you smile, why stop? Your dp obviously isn't making you happy right now (for whatever reason). He can't invade your mind. What's the harm?
If you need a friend, I would suggest a female one. Not because I believe men and women can't be friends, but because it'd be more likely for you to acquire feelings towards a man that is supportive than a woman. (I am only assuming that you are in a straight relationship from what you've said in your post).
I'm not sure where to suggest to find said friend.

Wouldn't it be more productive to talk about why it is that you're 'developing a crush' on someone unavailable, newpen?
Would it be worth considering whether there's something about your RL (i.e. non-'crush'-induced/fantasy-) world that leaves you resorting to this sort of escapism/fantasising?

Think about his personnal circumstances as you haven't mentioned them?
Imagine him on the toilet
Does he have children? Married?
Think of him picking his nose and eating it...feel sick now :(

Enjoy it: put the crush in the section of your mind also inhabited by celeb crushes and ice cream sundaes with a big label marked HARMLESS FANTASY FUN NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH REAL LIFE.

And get back in touch with some female friends from earlier in your life.

Don't stop thinking about him. Just don't do anything about it. Be very resolute about not creating opportunities to be alone with him. People meet people all the time who they fancy, are nice etc, but it doesn't haunt them. If you were happier with your DH this would not be an issue.

See, I'm going to go against the flow here and say, shag him. All this unresolved sexual tension is doing nobody any good! When you realise he's probably a dud root, as we say back home, you will crash back to reality.

Hope that helps! Mwah x

And if he's not a dud root, well, you have something to aim for!

Hey, I'm new here please send me some messages so I can get to know you all, thanks :)

Or imagine him with great throbbing haemarrhoids

the harm is that I know that I will end up building this up in my head into something that it isn't. Then I will come across other-man at work again at some point and fall down in a swoon that would make your average boddice-ripper seem pale in comparison :)

I do have a couple of female friends but no one that seems interested in the kind of academic discussions which I enjoy. Also no one what really wants to talk about any "relationship problems" which I may be having. Not that I talked to other-man about my relationship-problems - but I have tried to talk to friends about them and either they say "you think you have it bad well my dh did this..." or they look awkward and change the subject in a "but everything looks rosey, lets pretend it is" kind of way.

As you say finding friends is not that easy once you are a grown up and many people so seem to be only there for the good times.

Like your thinking outside the box, can-do approach, there, Tatty!
newpen, perhaps put Tatty's and barsteward's plans into action simultaneously?

Thom

Welcome, but in order to get to know you, you have to

a) take part in the discussion that's going on, by answering the person who started it

or

b) Start a thread yourself, maybe in Chat?

So newpen:

1. Join a reading group, evening course or similar, if possible. (Or find 'intellectual' MN boards )
2. talk about your relationship - on here, if you like.

Take him to the Premier Inn, trust me that will do it

I like your suggestions cheeky
He has children - do not know if he is with their mother or not.

I would put him into the celeb crushes part of my mind but he isn't a celeb - he is someone that I will probably meet again and have to deal with in a professional capacity :( without leaping on him or throwing myself at him

Hadn't actually considered shagging him tatty - now I am and the images are not helping me to feel able to deal with him professionally I need to useful advice please

newpen, perhaps put Tatty's and barsteward's plans into action simultaneously?

now I feel sick...

There is no magic solution. Self Control? Chastity Belt?

I think our suggestions are most 'useful'? :(

OOOOooo, check out his 'package', if it doesn't look pleasing don't waste your spotless virtueness

now I feel sick...

It's working already, then?

its sort of working but now I'm thinking more about his package...