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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to hold their babies

81 replies

Debsbear · 13/03/2012 14:42

I have five kids of my own and I love them all dearly. When they were small I would sit and nurse them all day long (given the opportunity) and watch every expression flicker across their faces. I woud sit by their bedside when they were sleeping just amazed at how beautiful they were. Now, I feel like I've been typecast as a "babylover" and whenever anyone has a baby I hear the dreaded " Oh Deb will nurse him for you, she LOVES babies". I'm sorry, but I don't actually LOVE babies, I love MY babies and to me there is a huge difference. I am more than happy to help out in any way I can, I will babysit quite competently and will hold a baby so Mummy can go and change toddlers nappy or whatever job is calling, but please don't run away with the idea that I can think of no more pleasurable way of spending my afternoon than cuddling your baby just because he's there.

OP posts:

PoultryInMotion · 13/03/2012 16:46

I think you're right Worra, currently mnetting and ignoring looking after friends, rather challenging, 3 year old, despite being 38+5 and 2 year old DD. Although to be fair this particular friend was in a real pickle and would do the same for me I've no doubt. The other ones I'm not so sure

At the cheek of other parent putting you down as emergency contact without asking!

WorraLiberty · 13/03/2012 16:48

I know

So I spent nearly 4 hours looking after the Prince of Puke (she didn't exactly rush back from work)

And worrying me, Dh and our kids might get it!

Bloody luck for her we didn't....but I told her to delete my number and then rang the school and told them to do the same.

leftmysociallifeatthedoor · 13/03/2012 17:00

I hated holding other peoples babies before ds was born. Hated it. Yucky, wobbly, smelly little things.

Then i had ds, and dd. Now i want to hold everyones babies this may be because i know i will have no more kids and i have ishoos

That said, i dont really like holding newborns because theyre so boring vulnerable but from 7-8 months i like holding / playing with them, theyre quite nice until they start school ime then they get 'the attitude' and it makes me want to drink.

fullofregrets · 13/03/2012 17:07

I don't really want to hold them either. I can't get enthusiastic over other peoples' babies. I wasn't that enthused over my own as a baby either. What do thru actually do? Not much. Yet people can fill hours and hours of extremely dull conversation about their toilet habits, their ability to focus, hold things etc.
I never suggested anyone else hold DS unless they specifically asked to. Yet most people I know will say 'I'm sure you'd love a munch (I hate HATE HATE the word munch) and just stick their baby in my arms.

Personally my own opinion of babies is seem one, seen them all. Ditto scan pictures.
Toddlers I prefer. They actually do something.

fullofregrets · 13/03/2012 17:08

they actually do.

Molehillmountain · 13/03/2012 17:16

Yadnbu. If I could summon up the wish to hold other people's babies I might not have had three of my own! And feel a bit because there will be no pleasurable baby holding for me until, I imagine, grandchildren after dd2 has stopped being one. But my own....yum yum

JustHecate · 13/03/2012 17:20

Give 'em all over here then, people! I love babies. They smell gorgeous and they can't yet answer you back!

molly3478 · 13/03/2012 18:42

I love babies and children even seeing them makes me want to have a couple more. Its something you are born with I think

corriefan · 13/03/2012 18:58

I love holding babies, especially newborns, itslike a tonic for me! I love talking to children and playing with them, they're all very special. I work with challenging kids so it's lucky I do really! Both my kids are very cuddly too. I have to admit I can't be doing with the following around an 18 month old stage trying to redirect them all the time.

TuesdayNightClub · 13/03/2012 19:11

I love babies and toddlers and love holding them. I particularly adore my nieces and nephew. For me holding a baby is an amazing feeling, a parent has trusted you with the most precious thing they have, and a tiny vulnerable life is dependent upon the safety and comfort of your embrace. And they have such tiny fingernails! Tiny!

exoticfruits · 13/03/2012 19:14

I love holding babies! I like talking to DCs. I think it strange to only like your own.

TuesdayNightClub · 13/03/2012 19:17

And if your office was as deathly dull as mine you would be delighted for anyone to bring in their gorgeous cherubs to cheer the place up and distract everyone from the monotonous hell even for a moment...

LimeLeafLizard · 13/03/2012 19:30

I agree Tuesday, I quite like babies in the office. It is always great to catch up with the colleague on mat leave and fun to see how their baby is.
And a welcome distraction from work.

I'd much rather cuddle a friend's baby on a work day than when I'm already covered in baked bean juice and snot from my own kids climbing all over me!

callmemrs · 13/03/2012 19:44

Yanbu. My babies were fab but I really can't get madly excited about holding any one else's

Spuddybean · 13/03/2012 19:44

I find babies and children in general really tedious. I'm expecting my first so i hope i feel differently about mine when it arrives...if not what's your address worra ....?

ImperialBlether · 13/03/2012 19:49

It's not just your reaction to the baby, is it? It's the baby's reaction to you.

Our own babies loved us so much - someone else's baby is completely indifferent. Who wants to hold an indifferent baby?

There's a lot in the smell of a baby, too.

Basically they don't look right and they don't smell right - YANBU!

bubbles1112 · 13/03/2012 19:49

Yanbu...to be honest now I've been there and done that with my own dd's I find other people's babies boring and to be honest a bit annoying...especially ones that can move a dribble all over my lounge....urgh!

MrsCampbellBlack · 13/03/2012 19:53

YANBU

I have a friend who likes to take her baby out at night and then gets everyone to hold it while she eats and drinks.

Hello - I have 3 of my own at home with the babysitter - I am out to drink and not hold anyone's baby.

notquitenormal · 13/03/2012 19:55

I'm not that fussed about babies, I don't coo and I don't really know what to say about them...they don't really do much and they all look the same to me.

But I do like a snuggle with a tiny baby. Once they're big enough to move and wriggle and stuff you can keep 'em, but I could sit for hours with a brand new one laying on my chest.

Chubfuddler · 13/03/2012 19:56

I love holding babies myself, but people always end up having to ask me to hold dd because I don't want anyone to think I am forcing her on them.

FootprintsInTheSnow · 13/03/2012 19:59

Testify!

TheCountessOlenska · 13/03/2012 20:11

I like holding a random tiny baby - I find it quite relaxing (unlike the pukey, coliky, boob monster that was my own newborn!)

FilterCoffee · 13/03/2012 20:30

YANBU

JockTamsonsBairns · 13/03/2012 20:46

I love holding other people's babies. I was quite stressy with my own, worrying about them crying / feeding / sleeping etc. But, with my friends' babies, I just love picking them up for a cuddle without the bother of the other stuff. Maybe it's because mine are older now, and I know I won't be having any more, I dunno. I love being able to help out practically, when my friends are struggling with a toddler and newborn for eg, I feel I can step in and take the baby for a few hours, or the toddler to the park - I'm much more relaxed in that scenario than I was with my own. I never felt I could ask for any help when mine were little, but I wish I had.

BreakOutTheKaraoke · 13/03/2012 20:47

Tiny babies, you can just hand them over and I'll lay with hours. Once they start staying awake and wanting entertaining, I get rather bored...I'm too selfish now for babies.

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