Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be on my own with 2 children on Mother's day

70 replies

Mishy1234 · 13/03/2012 14:26

OK, here's the situation with no missing info.

DH booked to go to a gig in London this sunday night (probably a few months ago). This involves leaving at 11am on sunday to catch a flight, with an overnight stay in London, returning late on mon night. He claims he asked me ages ago, which he probably did in his usual stealthy way (waits until I'm knackered and busy and drops it into the conversation). £100's spent on flight, hotel etc which would not be recoverable. It's for a cover band who do Grateful Dead stuff, 4 hours of a recreation of some gig the original band did in the 70's. A chance of a lifetime apparently...

I am not relishing the idea of him disappearing tbh and leaving me with 2 children (4 and nearly 2) on Mother's day. I've been ill recently and haven't recovered completely (still very knackered) and this day is important to me. I don't really want a replacement day on a different weekend.

AIBU to feel put out? He's offered not to go, but I know that's not serious offer and only so he can say that he did offer not to go if I get pissed off about it. I think it's selfish and I don't really care if he didn't check the dates. It's not my job to check, it's him that's spending £100's on himself to bugger off for half the weekend.

Come on girls, opinions please!

OP posts:
Sidge · 13/03/2012 14:30

Are you upset because he's going on Mother's Day, or upset because he's having 24 hours "off"?

Mother's Day is a load of commercial guff IMO - I've spent plenty on my own and it hasn't really bothered me, but if it's very special to you then I can see why you'd be a bit upset.

imnotmymum · 13/03/2012 14:32

You have the day with your kids, make it special for you all. Organise something or just get in some yummy treats and chill.

redskyatnight · 13/03/2012 14:33

I think YABU if it really the is the chance of a lifetime and something DH is really into. Sounds like you would have been ok with another day. DH also couldn't foresee that you would be ill - and it's only Tuesday now, chances are you will be totally fine for the weekend.

If he's not going till 11, you can still get a lie in, breakfast in bed and the DC making a fuss of you. (You are not DH's mum after all). I presume since you've not mentioned it, that doing something with your own mum is not possible?

(speaking here as someone whose DH will be away Fri - Wed so entirely reliant on DC for any sort of recognition of Mothers' Day)

Gargula · 13/03/2012 14:34

This would irritate me, I think. So YANBU to be a bit put out. Yeah I know that Mother's Day is a load of commerical rubbish blah blah blah. But sometimes its nice to feel "special" for a day.

I don't know what you can do about it though. As I don't think your DH not going, after all the outlay, is an option.

Do you have other family around you who could help you out on Mother's Day, and then remind DH that he owes you?

Original poster
Mishy1234 · 13/03/2012 14:35

Are you upset because he's going on Mother's Day, or upset because he's having 24 hours "off"?

Both really. He gets to bugger off and indulge himself (again) and I get to be at home feeling bloody knackered on a day he's supposed to be looking after me. I'm fed up hearing about all the spa days and lunches my friends have planned, courtesy of their partners who have actually put some thought into things (rather than forgetting it completely).

OP posts:
nobutyeahbut · 13/03/2012 14:36

I think Mother's day is special but i wouldn't care if my dh buggered off for the day.

I would take the dd's to M&S buy a load of lovely food and spend the day muching and watching a film or doing something with them.

imnotmymum · 13/03/2012 14:37

Why is he supposed to be looking after you you are not his Mother !! Just take the opportunity to treat yourself -he cannot complain if he doing something.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/03/2012 14:39

So, what you do is, book flights for you and the kids, all go, he has four hours 'off' for the gig then you have a trip away and a lovely night in a hotel. Wishful thinking, I know...

Original poster
Mishy1234 · 13/03/2012 14:42

Why is he supposed to be looking after you you are not his Mother !! Just take the opportunity to treat yourself -he cannot complain if he doing something. - at nearly 2 and 4 the kids aren't going to are they! He gets looked after and something nice planned on Father's day, I don't expect the kids to do that at their age. In any case, his mother is spending the day at a spa, organised by him and his sister.

I would love to chill out, but unfortunately that's not really on the cards with 2 young kids is it? They want to be out and about doing stuff and I'm bloody knackered and just worn out right now.

OP posts:
igetcrazytoo · 13/03/2012 14:43

if it really pisses you off - then arrange to go off by yourself on 17th June - I think you'll find this is fathers day.

nickelhasababy · 13/03/2012 14:45

it's Mothering Sunday.

yanbu to be pissed off. he's doing something fun without running it by you, or even considering what the day might mean to you!

however, it means you can have a duvet day with the kids and celebrate being thir mum.

get pizzas in, if you can afford it, and ice cream, and watch naff films all day.

exexpat · 13/03/2012 14:46

"I don't really want a replacement day on a different weekend."

Why not? I don't really get the whole fuss over mother's day - hyped-up commercial excuse for selling more tat and filling restaurants, as far as I can see - and besides, you are not your DH's mother. Isn't it meant to be the children making a fuss of you? So at the age of your DCs I might expect some homemade cards and a bit of burnt toast proudly presented to me in bed (that's pretty much what I get, if they remember).

I can understand that if you'd been ill you would rather he was around to help out at the weekend, but if it's a long-planned one-off thing, I think it would be rather mean to make him cancel it, quite apart from a huge waste of money and reason for him to be grumpy and resentful.

Get him to do all the childcare, cooking etc on the Saturday, then have a nice day with the DCs and get takeaway/ready meals, then a DVD and some wine for yourself in the evening.

Kennyp · 13/03/2012 14:47

I,d be fucked off too, but, violins, i have no family to spend the day with, violins, so if he was out for the day it could only be me and the kids

Is there anyone you could hook up with? Or anything? Big aero? Giant chocolate buttons and the toy story box set?!?!?! Oooh, schpoil yourshelf, mish moneypenny. (sean connery impression. Bad one)

Hellboy · 13/03/2012 14:48

YABU but I can understand why (only a little) you feel put out but you have had 5 - 6 mothers days already and will have a hell of a lot more over the years. He can make it up to you another day.

And as for chilling out, well, thats never really on the cards is it when we become parents?

Silverthorns · 13/03/2012 14:49

I think YANBU, because it sounds like this is something he does quite often and you're feeling resentful that you never get to blow £££s on yourself and take time out?

imnotmymum · 13/03/2012 14:49

But he can "Look after you" anyday. Does it have to be that day?? i was just pointing out you are with the most important things on Mother's Day- your kids! Go out for the day or something !

Debsbear · 13/03/2012 14:50

Tell you what come and join me and we'll spend a day with our kids and no men! My husband has booked a long cycle for the whole day, leaving me with 5 kids and the prospect of going to work in the evening! He's more upset about missing the rugby than leaving me with the kids. When I pointed out that it was Mothers Day, he said "that's fine, spend it with the kids, you're their mother"! Men! I'd make it a condition that he takes you somewhere nice on another day (maybe Saturday) to make up - and it's quite nice leverage next time you want something. Try not to be too upset by it, I think men do think differently to many of us and they genuinely don't get why it matters, it's just another day to them.

LydiaWickham · 13/03/2012 14:51

YANBU - call his bluff, tell him you don't want him to go.

Quite frankly, if he had told you but said that he'd arranged a pamper day at a spa on the Saturday/booked to take the DCs somewhere for the day leaving you to have peace and quiet/booked you all in at a nice place for lunch/made any sort of plan for the saturday then it would be a bit more acceptable. But to just tell you that he's decided you don't get to have a mothers day this year and not to offer an alternative that doesn't involve you doing it for yourself isn't on.

Shutupanddrive · 13/03/2012 14:52

Yabu, I'm working Sad

sixlostmonkeys · 13/03/2012 14:52

When you have children every day is mother's day. Treat the day the same as the other 364 and enjoy spending time with your children.
Don't spoil your DH's day away and maybe organise a day away for yourself with something that you are interested in.

LydiaWickham · 13/03/2012 14:53

Debsbear - my DH is a keen cyclist too, however I've imformed him while he can go out saturday afternoon, Sunday is my day and he doesn't get to bugger off doing fun stuff on his own.

Hellboy · 13/03/2012 14:53

Infact Ive just realised Im Billy No Mates aswell on Mothers day, he works rotas and this is one of his days in, hes off on the Monday so I'll have Mothering Monday, has got a better ring to it anyway

PostBellumBugsy · 13/03/2012 14:54

I'd be narked too - not really because it is Mother's day but because I was being left on my own when I wasn't very well.
I think you should tell him that you are disappointed - you realise that it is unreasonable to ask hime to change his plans now - but you are interested to hear how he is going to make it up to you.

Any chance you could spend the day with your own Mum?

Original poster
Mishy1234 · 13/03/2012 15:03

Silverthorns - yes, I suppose you are right. He's VERY good at looking after his own interests, just not particularly good at doing anything for anyone else. When I spend that kind of money, it's something for us as a family never something exclusively for me.

Also, I have been quite ill recently. Unable to get out of bed for over a week ill and just about managing to get from one end of the day to the other atm. Also up very frequently in the night with a child who doesn't sleep well right now either. I do feel that when you have young children, part of the deal on a day like Mother's or Father's day is that you get a bit of a rest and some pampering from your partner. I don't think it's a matter of 'you aren't their mother/father'. It's recognition from your partner as well as your children.

In any case, I guess IABU and no, i won't ask him to cancel it. As for doing the same on Father's day, I doubt I will. That would be vindictive wouldn't it...

OP posts:
Original poster
Mishy1234 · 13/03/2012 15:09

I DO very much appreciate all your comments and suggestions by the way. All are valid and very much appreciated. I post here for perspective and get it every time. I always come away with good kick up the arse I need (deserve)!

I will no doubt have a lovely day with my DC, with or without DH. I will plan something nice for the three of us to enjoy.

OP posts: